Optimistic Pessimism

We have to be messed up, to step up.

I remember that line from an episode of Grey's Anatomy & it's just very meaningful to me today. It seems like blasphemy for second chances are not given immediately just like that, but I guess you just have to put your faith into it, so that at the end of the day, being lost means something.

Good morning everyone. I don't know why I woke up so early, but I guess I'll be having a long day today, hence the body clock. Maybe it's my problems that woke me up, cause a few more hours then I have to face the music again.

It's like judgment day all over again. Let's just say that I only have until tomorrow to come up with something, but it's hard, to be stuck in a pedestal where the one who promised you greatly ignores you from the one who you promised something. It's complicated, I guess, if I have to explain them.

However, true feelings are the ones who you cannot really express, not because it's hard... but because it's too plenty- all thoughts are coming into you that you can't focus on a single one. I think it's just God who's throwing stones at me or it is God's will to test me how strong my faith is. All in all, if I have to go through all these just because of my love to God, then so be it.

I'm scared, actually, because I don't know who to talk to nor to ask help, & I know God will help me but I pray that this will be over. God loves us so much that He doesn't want to give us what we cannot handle.

It's only a matter of time, that I have to face the consequences. Sooner of later all will wither & die, but I guess this will trigger myself to grow again through time. For now, I just have to close my eyes & pray.

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne