Faulty Filiation

At times I get to be jealous at other people who are close to their siblings; not that I don't have a good relationship with my little brother, it's just that it's hard to understand him. I think we just grew both mentally & emotionally separated for the last seventeen years of our ties.

I'm really close to my little sister though- I tend to regressed so much when it comes to playing with her & how she demonstrates her love by giving us hand-written cards really makes it easy for us to be close. Plus, sisters have always been the one who looks up or supports you in every single way. Unlike my little brother.

So I'm not saying I don't want my him, I do. I think one of the best traits he has is how he shows his concern to you, even though you might think he's just plainly ignoring you. At times he becomes active & bugs the heck out of me, but I think it was his way of showing how he values each & every one of us in the family.

Although it seems like we're that close already, how our misunderstandings & fights really did compensate our good brotherhood; many times they successfully get on your nerves too.


He has a unique pattern of doing chores almost every week; skipping when he doesn't feel like it unless he needs it. Plus, he tends to backfire too much when misconceptions arise. Recently, he deleted some of my songs because I accidentally & unknowingly deleted his freestyle game on my laptop. Good thing I saved all my songs in my flash disk (which Ate Nikki borrowed), but I'm still angry at him for pulling up a stunt like that.

Sometimes... all the time I've been wishing to have a little brother whom I can take care of. Seriously! My little sister even knows that I want a brother who looks like this kid Bugoy Carino or Anton, our 'well-if-you-put-it-that-way' cousin whom I love so much (with Macky of course), or Matt, my best friend's little brother.

So I guess I feel guilty too for constantly thinking about that- it's like saying that I wanted a better brother than I have now. Although I seriously know he doesn't think like that anyhow, I still kinda made a wrong point.

I know sibling rivalry is common in other families. But for me, I think it shouldn't reach up into adulthood (I'm only nineteen years old people!) because that would really cause too much tribulation in the future.

I think one of the most common cause of this problem (based on my experience) was each other's differences- when he perceives this way when you are completely the opposite. Often times we get to have more differences from each other than those of our similarities... or it's just that our similarities are so general we couldn't even relate it to ours.

Surfing the internet or drawing (maybe before), for example, are the things that we really like, but I tend to be more on the productive-side blogging or writing while he's more suited playing online games, which we would argue about when it comes to computer storage.

There maybe instances that I really just wanted to understand him because, after all, I'm his kuya & I should be the one who has to get him. Although I think that rationalization was unfair because it's like giving him the power of authority in the household. The worst part was that he did act like the oldest, & it's like saying I'm not well enough to be the man of the family- not like I wanted more responsibility, I just want the title.

So we tend to punch each other with words & hateful comments- he always say I'm stupid, gay or scared, but he usually curses me cause he knows that would really insult me. Being controlled by my id personality, I constantly warn him that I'm not gonna be helping him on his financial needs when I'm already a nurse in the States now, or I tell him he's just like a devil & God is going to rebuke him. So we're both mean when it comes to fights like these.

I guess it's pretty weird to be making up with him now, since I still have this aversion with him for crossing the line (deleting some of my compositions). Sometimes he's just too much for me to handle, & I really wish I could have a little brother who has my little sister's age or has the same personalities like me.

I could really imagine a life without my brother, & all the time I wish I didn't have any thoughts like that. It makes my world a lot easier, but it makes me much worst than Cain. *Sigh*

Hmm, don't worry about me, I'm not really affected though lol. It's just that I wanted to reconnect with my little brother like how siblings do. I had a good sleep guys, all because of the support you guys are giving me for the last couple of days now.

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Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne :D