Rising Up...

At this very moment... I could rise again

A phoenix never intends to die as its flames wither its feathers one by one. Even if everybody thinks that its existence is gone forever, another one rises from the ashes to live through eternity. I am a phoenix, & I can spread my wings & fly again if I want to, if I get tired of suppressing myself to rejection & if I have the chance to stand up again. It's been kinda lonely sinking yourself deep in depression, especially that fate pushes you away from your belief, although I do have faith in my own fate, but it just gets hard sometimes. However, this is where I have to either start over again or continue living as a miserable person. I chose the former one. Hence, it's difficult for me to make my way into myself, but I am devoted to even take the exit doors just to place myself to where I belong again. My pride is pushing me away from the people I love, but I will try backing up a little bit for them so no one could get hurt.

My absence presented itself as a way for me to ignore the blogosphere for a few days & take a plunge into the realm of realization. I came to devastating intra-conclusions by knowing myself, but the fact that I am trying to change now that is progressing a little bit is a good plan to start overwriting my character again. To tell you the truth, I disliked myself from time to time, probably because I compared myself not just to the people around me but to my "older" me who knows how to be a good person. Everything went backwards when I try to be still... but I learned that as soon as you try to stop yourself from doing anything wrong, the more you do it. It's rather a weird cliche, but it fits to everybody.

Soon I'd be feeling better, so I'm expecting my emotional limbic system in the brain to keep on pumping my mood enhancers! I watched Gossip Girl Season 2 & tell you it was still great! Good drama... with absolutely different players. I'm also gonna be working on my studies, see if I can still ride the waves.

At this very moment... I am back...

With a fresh start of October

Absolutely better!

Signing off

Lan

All Falls Down...

At this very moment, I could lose a friend.

Isn't it unfair if you want to open up something... then one second you just want to say your thoughts, then at the end, you're the one who looks like the villain?

At this very moment, I could lose my dignity.

If only I could rewind everything & do what I have to do... then it's not one of the things I'm worried at now. I don't like to be judged... I don't like to be named... especially from the people I have.

At this very moment, I could fail my studies.

I just wanna get rid of all that tension in my back & start over again. I just want to have a week where I could read all the things I have to know about Pharmacology. I wish I could take the tests... all will be gone by a second. I'm afraid that all the things that I worked so hard for will be such a waste in the end.

At this very moment, I could lose my faith.

I just wanna end my life & start a new one. The world is falling down on me. I don't want to be the one who has to carry it around. I'm not the one the world needs.

At this very moment, I wish to renew my life.

& just haul myself to perfection.

There's no one there.

Today, Allan sleeps again...

Header for September

I'm back from my CHD Typology Family again. Last week we didn't get to meet Ate Malou because she was out, but today I felt really good because she remembered me from my community service from the start of this year. We spent like only 20 minutes there & then I went to Jollibee for brunch. I'm so tired I dozed off at the jeep I was riding on the way back. Good thing my sleeping instincts woke me up at the perfect moment.

Anyways, I'm still having this awful migrain I wanna get rid off. It's been troublesome in my head for quite some time now. Luckily, I have a day off today so I guess I'm going to hit the haystack later after this. I guess I deserve this rest. After all, I've been having some sleeping problem all throughout the week so it's good to finally turn my sleeping pattern to normal.

A new header every month is what I'm always gonna do here at my blog. Like it? It's kinda simple but the words are so deep. THE REAL COLOR BEHIND THE COLOR. Kinda makes your thinking brain works, isn't it? To sum it all up, there's a story behind a story... & that's what my blog is here for. :)

Good day to everyone! Have a happy Thursday & God bless. Take care cause LJ cares. Don't forget to visit my two newest page here- Behind the Blog & the 3M's. Plus, visit this address, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yff9nCctMkg so you could watch my idol David Archuleta's newest music video "Crush". Special thanks to Icey, Karren, Cathy, Mafe, Anj, Jeah, Charlyn, Rachelle & Eric.

Signing off, Huang Saw Ming

Repulsion

Guess who didn't make it to Treehouse tonight? Yep! It got me so depressed I didn't even want to think about it. Well! Of course I had my reasons, & it sucks that the main reason was... school works.

I know studies are my first priority, but come on! A night with Hale is all I really need to boost up my energy. & it's so sad thinking that in all the excuses I could get, it's always because of studies. I can somehow accept it if my reasons are somewhat better than school works, but it's not... I have to face reality. It's good that I'm doing my assignments now, but it's also devastating to not take the night off to see my favorite local band. Sigh... oh well.

It's just the beginning...

Because of lack of sleep, I'm kinda not being myself lately; I'm so pessimistic & emotional right now that I couldn't even fake a smile. I'm like the electron in an atom, you know. All I need is my neutron to set me right again. I need some decrease in Serotonin (do men have that?) just to make me feel better.

Dang! Is this the side effect of having hospital duty at Mandaluyong City Medical Center? I'm so close to being a psychosis patient. T_T

A Songwriter's Poem

To prolong the madness within this sacred heart,

Is having no dreams to promote or to judge.

If love is a lie hidden behind those faulty treason,

Then a tree is a bark without it's summer season.

Standing on a sea or hanging by a rope,

Having to wait for a glimpse of hope,

Upon the first sight without moving a finger,

Is a ruse that endeavors love from hunger.

If a leaf is composed of my blood & my rage,

Then a heart is built to wither from age.

Believing from quoting is a composing recital

Stopping the gush of love & desire.

I grew & outlast from trials & pain,

But never a reason to stop being sane.

For setting my path is a permanent ambition,

A path I consider my biggest oblation.

Mark my amends, my laws & my goals,

For I am at haul with emotions & flaws.

Create some distance or even build a wall,

I am at peace with my lover & soul.

A Pessimistic Greeting...

I know I'm feeling a bit under the weather lately but it's just the tired & stressed-out Allan who's been talking about ignorance & false hopes. The thing is, this is also the only way for me to share my ideas & feelings, even if it's positive or the other way around.

To all those newbie readers out there... welcome! (I have a smile on my face) I hope it's never too late to think that I'm being so emotional right now. Actually, that is why Leftie's Journal did a sudden change to everything; from being emotional black to being sunburnt red to being glamorous green!

Anyways, I had a long day today. After my hospital duty I went to my friend's condo then to SM Megamall to buy some DVDs & stuff. We were so tired from walking here, there & everywhere. We got home quarter to 10PM to rest. So from 6am upto now, I'm still sleepless & so tired as hell.

What's your day like today? Do tell...

Special thanks to Icey, Karren, Cathy, Mafe, Anj, Jeah, Charlyn, Chellang & Eric. Good night everyone!

Signing off, Ey-lan

Blog Discovering...

Some of you might notice that I'm also taking some risks of blogging here in Friendter's Leftie's Journal because of the fact that when you think about it, it really does sucks when your blog is sooo kept in a far away universe not being seen by anyone, & those companies who can pay you to blog... it's so devastating in my part that I can't even be heard because, after all, who does blogging in Friendster, right?

My aunt Jane talked to me yesterday about the sites I should reconsider to blog. I'm kinda hesitant because I've been blogging in Friendster for more than a year now & just starting over again makes me so anxious. I also couldn't leave this because I already made this journal a part of me. The dissapointment comes when I counted all the comments on this blog & dang! For almost a year now, I only got 39 comments all in all. It's so hard being a nobody in this world. No one even appreciates my hardwork & the time I'm wasting (not actually wasting) to post something here for the benefit of the readers... but even if I don't want to think about it, I think I really do have readers that are non-existent. It kinda hurts me... because even if I say this blog is meant for writing, not for reading... behind these line is the plea for the people to subscribe in my encoded life. I know there's not gonna be any difference here when I say this, but who cares, right? Maybe it's best if I just talked to this blank sheet of paper for the rest of my life. At least maybe the laptop understands.

I got so anxious to the blogs who made its way to the public. However, I really am proud that some of my co-Halers are bloggers themselves. It's suprising that Hale followers are so similar to one another, although the ignorance is existing. Those two blogs made it past readers' orientation stage & into their own comfort zone.

If only they can read this... I would still give my special thanks to Karren, Icey, Cathy, Mafe, Anj, Jeah, Charlyn, Rachelle & Eric.

Signing off, ~-~-A-~-~

Ignorance- A Haler's Anxiety

It's kind of sad that the people you wanna be close with are the ones who can't seem to have the acceptance a person can give.

I'm overeacting, but just a little reply from the people in Yahoo Groups isn't too much to ask. Even if I posted a melodramatic topic, I'm still being ignored. What's up with those people... & Kuya Champ? I know I'm just another Haler but just an answer would be enough. I'm just dissapointed at how people reply to the ones who are already known or famous, & not to some people who just wanted to be heard. I'm getting the blog-sickness again... & it's related to anxiety due to ignorance secondary to not being famous- that's my nursing diagnosis to my signs & symptoms. Come on people! Do I have to pick a guitar & finally sing my songs so that people can visit my blog, drop comments & reply to my posts?! Geez!

I'm a little under the weather lately, I think it's because I'm having a hard time coping up with studies & hospital duties all at the same time. I'm also scared of the fact that there will be another resectioning in my batch & I'm so afraid to be far away to the people I clang to. Forgive me readers... I just can't stand being ignored.

Guys! Text me if you wanna join me in this Wednesday's Treehouse; City Lights. It's only 150Php so I hope you could drop me a message or something so we could hang out at Wednesday 8pm. You still have a chance to treat me ;)

Still A Dream Fan!

Remnants/ Part 1

It's all about rewinding myself as a form of hauling myself for good. The best part about it is that I'm having another clean slate here, even if it's not the new year.

To tell you the truth, I'm actually glad I woke up with a smile on my face today; it's like nothing's going wrong. I like to personally thank my dreams for making me feel special when it comes to sleeping... it knows that I really need to have a feel-good dream to let me make make it throughout the day. The best part about it is that even though it isn't real, it never made me feel so bad about it.

At the end of the day... all you got to do is...

Dream! Dream! Dream! Dream! Dream! Dream! :D

Signing off, Dream FAN!

103rd Song- Dignity & Loyalty (4th Album Title)

Dignity & Loyalty

Allan Aldrinne Leyva 

Then there was me who waited for a million days

Falling into my concession

From the start, I made it all the way with you

Held your hands when you were sober

I’m always by your side when you fell in disaster

You even are protective when it comes to measure

(Chorus)

My every bit of dignity

Who stood by you, who stood by me

To stay true albeit obscure

The one who changed my point of view

If everything is so confused

I’m always here, I’ll never choose

But never say I’m never there

I gave my loyalty to you

You always made me the shoulder you can cry on

The one who follows everywhere you go

Now I’m standing up & leaving you a mark

I’m giving you the call if you’ll keep using me

I know I had mistakes but I just want to give you

You ought to know by now that I am here to render

(Repeat Chorus)

To you (Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus 3x)

Even when I found someone

Who took my heart that made it out

Helping = Happiness = Asking for something

Did you ever had that feeling like you deserve something? You never asked for anything nor complaint about what you have, but you know inside you that every once in a while you have to treat yourself with something that will make you feel good. You were always on that edge where you have to immerse yourself to help those people in need, but after all their miseries that you've encountered & solved, there was no one to help you nor give you something in the end. I'm not really that needy but I'm still human, & I deserve something.

Happiness= Helping
Still engraved in anyone's life is the saying "To give is better than to receive" which is always the trademark to all the victims out there. Although it's true that giving & receiving is a cycle that circles the balance of blessings & punishments, there are those who never failed to be by your side. However...

Happiness= Asking for something
...there are still those who deserves to have something in return. It's always been problems to me; wherever or whenever I go, & I'm not complaining at all. I just wish that, maybe, there was still something I could have for me to believe that all the hardwork & all the rest I'm sacrificing to finish something is all worth it in the end.

Helping = Asking for something
Now that is what I want to believe.

Revelation. Recognition. Tribulation. Allegation. Connection. Affection. Rendition.

...Then there was an Allan who have seen the world through his own eyes fortificated from reality. They all deceived him from day one to the last dawn where he have found the things behind the fake ones. It's all clear now; the secrets being exposed from the two compartments; behind the clothes; behind the smiles; behind the rumors; & behind the face. As he approaches confusion, change & anger, the stories that have been told were drenched into miseries- with his intuitive mind he realized that, even when the world is revolving in an opposite direction, he became dumbfounded from the driving & growing lies bestowed upon him. However suprised, the ones who did not mean any harm, who just kept a secret because of dignity, Allan did not opposed. After all, he just made a mark to knowing the people around him, & that's recognition coming from him.

From his footsteps another person rose with great bravery whom Allan feared; this fear is not the one where an enemy is bigger & stronger than the hero, but the fear where a friend is worried about what he can do being involved from something. The sad thing is that his friend do not care from the consequences he has to face. Allan was also afraid of the fact that behind someone's character, there was another person whom everyone is the victim. He has no idea how to stop this person, but he was convinced that after the threats will be exposed, no one will be harmed again. He should've known that it is difficult to treat a wound; it would take days for something to heal. Hence the allegation to fade away.

Connection's been established with a couple of chosen words. Although affection comes from the heart or from the mouth, the truth always shows when it comes to the following meetings. Allan has to put the test in the form of waiting, because when that time comes he meets this person again, then he would prove it by a simple statement of greetings. It's either affection or a pretend one. Obscure connection is what he thinks about him & his friend's misunderstandings. There are words used for greetings, but there were ones that can break the heart. Trifles can always make a way to be major.

To know oneself, Allan must engraved his thoughts into thinking. To know himself, he must engraved his thoughts into unconscious actions. Like a clock ticking somewhere in a dark room, he must find it with his own will to check the time, whether it's still early... or sadly, late.

There were revelations.

There were recognitions.

A couple of tribulations.

Some allegations.

There were established & altered connections.

There were also different affections.

Lastly, there were failed renditions.

Then there was an Allan who have seen the world through his own eyes fortificated from reality.

& then there was an Allan who wrote it off his mind.

For days he left himself & never returned.

God bless & take care everyone.

Signing off, Allan, Author

"Faith" & Figures

Days can be a little harsh to everyone of us, but at some point you can finally see that shining light at the end of the tunnel. It's relevant to what I'm feeling now, it's as if I'm trying to repress myself to a non-sobriety group of unbelievers & just haul myself for good & the best part is that I'm trying to recur what I remember is my character in this choice of change.

It's been awhile since I let things fall into place. I actually think it's brave to be nonchalant & ready at the same time, especially when we all came to a part where someone had to suffer the consequences & everyone blames us. The thing I am doing now is forcing myself to detect the earliest signs of an event. I'd be having a hard time about it but I'm cool with the whole situation, because I am ready to suffer whatever consequences life can give me... the fact that I am training myself to be a better person is the best thing I could ever think right now.

It's like I control my own Serotonin & just be happy as possible. I am my own opiate & that's the reason why I could do things that make me jubilant! It's not gonna stay for long but dang! The best thing about this is that one can enjoy life with tribulation for the fact that he is focused unto what's going right than what's going wrong.

It all goes down to one thing... Faith. Your intrapersonal faith where you should be clinging to right now because you will never know how life can suprise you even when you're sinking too deep. Waves can be a little harsh, but what do you think surfboards are for, right? Although it's obvious that I'm experiencing a whole lot of everything from school right now, well I'm just glad I'm taking it slow one by one, just giving it my best shot to suffer right now to be contented in the following days.

God bless & take care everyone. Have faith! Special thanks to Icey, Karren, Cathy, Mafe, Anj, Jeah, Charlyn, Chellang, & Eric. :)

Signing off, Nonchalant Allan

Know Thyself Part 2

Remnants/Part 1

Here I am again trying to knock your cyber door, bringing you the mayhems life could ever get into. A techy hug to all of you people!

------___________==___== (?)

You might think that these lines & dashes are just typo's, but it has a lot of meaning to me. This line represents my life right now. A couple of keys & boom! It narrates my whole life story right there.

To make it long, let's just say I'm struggling between what's good & what's bad right now. It's as if I'm changing from one person to another & I'm just scared that I may not know myself in a point where I really wanna know myself. I just realized that even when I want to entirely take this mask off & this balloon in my chest, there's something I can't emit in my nonexistent character. I have given my personality to everyone, but the thing is, they are confused because of the fact that they wanna know me better, & I just keep putting lies to everyone, giving me the impression that I'm like this to one person, but I'm like that to the other.

Sinning isn't also helping me to stay back on track. I keep telling myself that I'm an angelic person by showing that I'm such a good person to everybody else, but it's not helping me to see what kind of person I am today. I have hauled myself to the point where I have this twin beside me, the one who's pretending to be me. The sad fact about this is that he's always the one who keeps being me.

The only thing I wanna do this week is try to know myself, but it is so hard to try spend time with myself when everything is going topsy-turvy. It's also difficult because I prioritize my studies too, & we all know that we should give our very best to be the best. Just this Saturday morning I have encountered the lowest point in my life that might be riding along in my journey throughout this week.

I can try to make it throughout the day & I sure hell can try to seize the day with dignity. I can be my own author... but being one requires being nothing. :_(

It's still a blessed Sunday amidst the drama. I've been trying to write some songs but it's not just right when I sing it. Hopefully I could haul myself to be the person I'm sticking with. God bless & take care everyone. Special thanks to Icey, Karren, Cathy, Mafe, Anj, Jeah, Charlyn, Mark Lawrence, Chellang & Eric.

Signing off -A-

Putting Life in the center...

DAY... not day... DAY

Today I've been blessed with two hours of sleep, nine hours & thirty minutes of class, & tons of school works to do. The good thing about a Friday night is that there's no school tomorrow, & luckily I'm about to regain my sleepless mornights partying at my intrapersonal celebration all in this dopamine-filled brain of mine.

Okay, who am I kidding? I have school tomorrow...

*Sobs. I can't even fool myself from not having school tomorrow. Come on, some of us needs a little disturbia to give lovin' to our cognitive minds, but I know we're gonna be sticking to reality in the end, so what's the point?

Pharma. SHE. NCM

I'm not really that focus on studies but I really have to, especially that I have to make up for the things that I've never given my 100%. It just shows that I'm not really commited to it, as a matter of fact, there's another life waiting for me out there that needed to be given attention, but I'm just not ready to do it. I end up being a phony trying to love something that I know that I do, but not much when it comes to the path I'm scared to even look at. So all I got to do is avoid taking risks & just wait for the right time to come.

3rd Year Student- Not Enough

I have a feeling that even though I'm already a college junior, I still have to learn & experience a lot of nursing brouhaha so I could showcase my mastery to taking care of everyone. Geez! I feel like I'm missing in action here.

B.H.I.E.

It's past twelve o'clock here & I just can't wait... :) Let the world revolve again through my LIFE. I'm just seconds away from 'being near yet so far.'

NIGHT... not night... NIGHT

Funny how things must never come to an end- with paperworks to finish & chapters to be read, I'd say sleeping is a thing of the past.

Good mor-night everyone. God bless & take care

Special thanks to Icey (welcome back I!), Karren, Cathy, Mafe, Anj, Jeah, Charlyn, Chellang & Eric :)

Signing off, Everyone's Allan

...Putting life in the center...

Welcome Back... Me!

Prepare for another round of blog humour! Cause this blogger-wanna-be is ready for the blogging business again.

Yes! I charged my blog batteries big time! I'm prepared for post flooding again. Sure! I had a great time at Pila; bonding with the bestest people especially Ms. Me-anne Leong, who became a part of my own hall of best clinical instructors. However partly sad from the end of community immersion, I'm also delighted that I learned some community lessons as part of my everyday experiences towards reality & just being at home with the rest of the people that I have missed has given me the comfort & solace to gain my urban strength again.

Now I am able to breathe air with wee bit of worries again because I am so relieved by the documentations that we finished for Pila.

So you must be wondering how I have spent my community immersion there huh? Well, these are some of the photos that have lifted up my spirits. Here they are :D

Well! I better go back to studying again! I actually have to make tons of assignments needed for tomorrow! I also had to do reporting & stuff. Damn! I really miss this journal. :)

More stories to come in LJ guys! I'm expecting lots & lots of mayhems this week, so don't worry... your entertainment is gonna come soom :)

Goodnight everyone! God bless & take care you guys! Lots & lots of cyber lovin' to all of you. Special thanks to Icey, Karren, Cathy, Mafe, Anj, Jeah, Charlyn & Chellang! :)

Signing off, Community Immersionist (lol?) ALLAN

Out to Pila...

Let time be still while I'm away. Let change be postponed while I'm out. Let love be consistent in everyway. Just to be sure, I'll be putting all my trust in you. :)

Visit my two newest page here in LJ; Behind the Blog & the oh so very original Mark My Mouth :)

Have a great week guys. Try enjoying it than frustrating it :P

Good morning everyone & take care always... I'll assigned someone to update LJ every now & then I guess. :)

Special thanks to Icey, Karren, Cathy, Mafe, Anj, Jeah, Charlyn & Chellang! :P

Signing off, ALLAN, d' original :D

Less of a man. More of a boy

My saturday night was so different from what I usually do on this day. Instead of having a Saturday Night Live kind of night, I had a good night's sleep from the time I got home tucking my little sister in her bed. She was also exhausted from her swimming competition yesterday. As I closed my eyes at around 7-ish pm, I have felt the weight of the world on my body. It just means that sleeping my work off isn't the right thing to do; responsibilities are still waiting to be fed up, & I don't have the energy to finish them all. I'm still not ready for situations like this. I'm still naive in being a college student. I don't know if feeling like crap is part of a man's psychosocial, cognitive, or moral development, but I do know that regression isn't just part of a preschooler but of an adolescent like me, making me less of a man & more of a boy.

It's a good thing though that I still feel the inner childish in me, cause I still am young & dependent. Otherwise I'd be running through life just to catch my breath. It's better to be off the line & into the waves, then being on the trench & far from the surface. If people think having a moustache right now is part of a man's look to look mature, then I childishly point out the truth behind the fact which is a kid actually invented the razor, & the shaving cream.

Tomorrow I'd be in Pila again, so I won't be having another set of Monday-Wednesday posts. I really don't like it but I should continue & finish this thing so I could take this off on my shoulders. Don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying Pila right now but the paperworks isn't really that easy to rend. & being the leader thing at almost everything isn't really that much of a help. Sheesh! I'm soo tired dealing with stuff that will kill me. Recogntion people! I need some of it to have proof I'm doing a good job right now.

Sigh... special thanks to the readers out there. Please drop a comment or two to let me know someone's reading it. Good morning & have a sunny Sunday. Still have plans to go through. :D

Signing off, Archuleyva :P

College Damnation

We're going down, down in an earlier round

Sugar, we're going down swingin'...

Sheesh! The next two weeks will be one of the most fiery moments that will be posted on the hallway of college damnation. Talk about torture at its best, & my Pharma Midterms isn't really that big of a help too. Unfortunately, we all failed the midterms. Sheesh! Good thing I passed the NCM midterms though.

Next week, we're gonna go back to Pila again. Another set of fun bonding moments with my group, plus Toti, but complete slavery in all the paperworks we have to finish before Wednesday ends. So if my Pharma professor is saying we shouldn't really focus on RLE too much & we should always be ready because we chose this course, then sir... all I wanna say to you is- GO FIGURE!

I'm a total mess again, physically & mentally. What can I say... welcome to the world of college damnation!

Good evening everyone. God bless & take care. Special thanks to Icey, Cathy, Karren, Mafe, Anj, Jeah, Charlyn & Chellang :)

Signing off, o)AllAn(o

Song Updates!

Earlier this week, before I went to Pila, I posted my songs that begins with the letter A. Now I'll post the songs that begins with the letter B. I'm not trying to sound so alphabetically nor childish here... hehe. Just want to organize it... so L & G's, here are the B-song. Okay, that doesn't sound right though lol

Battlefield of Love
Allan Aldrinne Leyva

It is hard being far away from you
But I know my faith is powerful
& when my hope is crushed
By people we don’t trust
I just dream for a possible must

& I’m coming back for you
Yes I’m coming back for you
To know if I’d see the face
That had made me blind from yesterday

(Chorus)
You touched my heart
From the start
& I know it’s nobody’s fault to fall in love
I’ll raised my hand
& surrender if I can
To a battlefield of finding who to love

I looked at you & fell in an instant
& I can’t get over you
& when the fears have taken me
Just to quit & not believe
I just think of a beautiful dream

& I’m waiting here for you
Yes I’m waiting here for you
To know if you’d touched my hand
That’s attached to my heart’s amends
(Repeat Chorus)

I made a promise to myself
I’m never going anywhere
Fate reeled us in
Together we can wipe those tears
(Repeat Chorus 2x)

To love

—————————————————————————–
Before Everything Else
Allan Aldrinne Leyva

We know this never ends
We know we’ll never fix what’s broken
I’ve seen this scene again
It’s where we always stay secluded

Find ourselves
(It’s coming back to me)
Walk the line
(It’s starting over me)
Bid goodbye
(You never said t’was me)
Find what’s right

(Chorus)
But before everything else
I really want you to know
That I’m with you
Loving you from afar
& before everything what happened between us two
I know you’ll go
But I will stay
Before everything else

You want me here to stay
Because you want me to show you the way
I’ve lived for today
The thing I always wanted to end

Like myself
(The rest is over you)
Cry tonight
(You even kept the truth)
I might find
(I never saw you cry)
We’re not right
(Repeat Chorus)

Before everything else (2x)
(Repeat Chorus 2x)
—————————————————————————–
Before I Go
Allan Aldrinne Leyva

You’ll never even understand
There are things we can’t comprehend
Can’t comprehend

There are things we can’t undo
Like loving you right out of the blue
I’m watching you

I’m growing now
I’m flying, don’t you hold me down
We’re going wrong
I’m heading right, now we can move along (so)

(Chorus)
Before I go
I really want you to know
This ain’t a show
If I will keep
Pretending I’m just a kid
I’m letting go
It’s all I know
Before I go

He’ll be keeping you awake
Give you a necklace like he owns your place
He owns your place

I said something’s ‘bout having love
& then the heartbreak comes & takes a vow
I’m changing now

I’m running now
I’m reaching for something to drown
I’m playing safe
I should’ve put you in between
(Repeat Chorus 3x)

You’ll never even understand
There are things we cannot comprehend
—————————————————————————–
Believe
Allan Aldrinne Leyva

When it’s time for me to grow you had to know
That I’m making myself wiser without you letting go
& if I had to stay
I see the path on my way

When it’s time for me to rise above them all
I will fly to the Heavens & shout that I am born
They know that I can fall
But I will stand alone

(Chorus)
There will be amends before I could be strong
If I have to learn what’s right, I have to be wrong
& this moment now will wait for me
Cause I have chosen life to live
All I need to do right now is believe

& if anybody thinks that I am weak
I will prove that my existence is living all my dreams
I’m made from what I’ve been
To win & spread my wings
(Repeat Chorus)

Every moment counts
To seize the day, I got no doubts
Every now is happening
Got to find a way for a happy ending

To finish all these test & start to sing
I’ll open up my everything & let the music in
Been living in the shadows once
But I’m now searching for the light
I can now begin to open up my eyes
(Repeat Chorus)

& if God wants me to share my zeal
I’ll try my best to make you feel
All I need to do today is believe
Believe
—————————————————————————–
Blame
Allan Aldrinne Leyva

I shouldn’t be angry, but I can’t be happy
Happy that you found someone
All I ever see is that you’re feelings ain’t real
But who am I just to judge a person like you
Who knows what she is doing
Who knows if I’m in trouble
No I can’t be in love with you

I couldn’t stop calling you, but I don’t want to talk to you
You being blind to me
All I ever want is your feelings put to me
But I can’t expect it will be done
So depressing, so unhappy
So disappointing, so unlucky
Cause I can’t be in love with you

(Chorus)
Time, time is playing tricks on me
My heart, my heart is not ready
You, you mustn’t foolin’ ‘round me
Truth, truth can’t set me free

I thought that I have moved on, but I’m still hopin’
Hopin’ that you’ll look at me
Thanks to you I’m in so much confusion
& I must confess sooner or later
The love that is burning
My mind that is turning
Upside down, I’m going crazy here
I can’t stop lookin’
I can’t try not to stumble
See I’m walkin’ with breaking vows
That I’ll be just your friend forever (Coz)
(Repeat Chorus)

Even though I try to understand, oh I can’t stand
Knowing that I can’t be the one
My sleepless nights are haunting me
You are the one I need
Truth is you’re my everything
(Repeat Chorus 2x)
—————————————————————————–
Breathe Through Me
Allan Aldrinne Leyva

All the things I tried to do
I tried to do for you
To meet you once, I’m getting’ ready
To sing our songs with you
(Instrumental)

I hear your voice, it’s full of sorrows
But I don’t know if you’re contented
I memorized all your events
How you smile & how you cry

(Chorus)
Just breathe through me
Cause you’re my life & my heart
Live with me
& what I’ll do is to love you true
(Instrumental)

Don’t feel sad
Please look at here
& you would know, you’re not alone
Cause I am here protecting you
From all your fears, I promise this

(Chorus)
Just breathe through me
Cause you’re my life & my heart
Live with me
I’m lovin’ you from afar
(Instrumental)

(Chorus)
Just breathe through me
Like a child, I will follow you
Oh live with me
I know you know my life is yours
—————————————————————————–
Bring Me Back To The Happy Days
Allan Aldrinne Leyva

You never failed me
You always show up everytime
& when I am lonely
You speak of the right words to make me fine

You’re the one who laughed with me
Still the one who cried with me
& I open all my doors
Change will come but you’ll remain

(Chorus)
Would you bring me back (3x)
To the happy days

& when life had pushed us hard
You were there to make it easy
Though sometimes we always fight
I know that it’ll be alright

You’re the one who crossed my lane
& the one who’s with me dancing in the rain
I was made because of you
Now my life would be so sure
(Repeat Chorus)

Would you hold my hand?
& never let me go
Would you bring me back to the happy days?
(Repeat Chorus 3x)

You never failed me
You always show up everytime
—————————————————————————-
Signing off, Allan :P

From Pila with Love

Reality is always ready to be served in Pila, Laguna. All we need is a little pinch of Global students to spice things up a little... a lot actually.

I am home bloggers, readers & people everywhere! I am again in touch with civilization (& by civilization I mean LJ, TV & AC). The thing is, I'm so relieved coming home nine-ish hours ago because I really miss living in my own turf, where I can be who I wanna be. It's not that I'm a pretender or something, it's just that living with other people means setting some behavioral limitations to match up with them.

I wanna say this again, I'm back from Pila! Woohoo!

Okay, so I really had a blast spending three days there inspite all the paperworks I had to finish by next week. I fell in love in their deli's & the fresh air I've always wanted to breathe to clear my head out. I've also met a couple of friends there like the famous TOTI, our global house dog named Dogstyle (lol), the store owner who makes my favorite ube con yelo Ate Sarah, my cute little students CJ, Axel, Dandan, Mary Rose, Cedrick, Mary Laine, Princess S & Princess L, Rich Michael, Justin, Lyka, Kyla, Dexter, Danica & much much more. I aslo got to know my classmates Melissa, Kim, Toffer, Kuya Bryan & Tmac. I also had one of the best clinical instructors there Ms. Me-Ann Leong who guided us in our daily activities. I still had to go back there for one more week so I'm gonna make the most out of it next week. I also experienced the labor in every chores we do, especially the old "poso negro" where I sprained my arm trying to let the water run. My allergies also acted all the way up for three days because the temperature there was like going up & down & I lost my antihistamine drugs there. Even though I get to spend all my money there, well at least its so worth it! But next week, damn! I'll be doing farming work in the fields, so wish me luck I don't get allergies there nor encounter frogs! (shaky)

The most weirdest thing of all staying there at Pila is that I could sleep earlier, really! From 10pm I close my eyes & just like that, I'm dreaming already. That's good because I really needed the rest for tomorrow's activities.

It's all good at Pila, but school works can't wait so I'll be focusing on my remaining subjects this rest of the week. Congratulations to everyone of us who made it so far not only in Laguna but to everyone who worked so hard this week. It's appropriate to give you a cyber-hug >:D<

I've also started two songs while I'm out for my pseudo-vacation. I'll be posting it as soon as I finished it, hence the paperworks & the images I'll upload there. Good day everyone & have a great weekday hehe. God bless us always & take care you guys. Special thanks to the train of people Icey, Karren, Cathy (who's in Pila right now), Mafe, Anj, Jeah, Charlyn, Mark Lawrence & Chellang. You can now subscribe to my newest Leftie's Journal blog! It's easier to drop a comment too so I'll be expecting those ideas from you alrighty? I really love the new look! :)

Anyways, you know you love me...

Signing off! ALLAN, back as usual :)

Still in Pila, Laguna

Updating from Pila, Laguna. I have a feeling this is gonna cost me though... lol. I couldn't blog through mobile... might as well wait until I get home. Signing off with new stories to tell, Allan :D