If you’re reading this, maybe I was too late to apologize for not being able to update so much.
Sorry! lol. Hey everyone! Since it’s officially my first day of Midterms, I’ll have to stick to my normal post length, even though it hurts too much to finally succumb to the fact that this maybe the longest blogging break I’ve ever had this year.
It’s been eleven days since I last had internet in my house. I honestly wanted to fix the phone line so badly by myself if it means that I could be oriented in the blogosphere again, but at least exposing myself from too much reality really kicks me to homeostasis.
Speaking of balance, my fourth rotation this time was in ‘Ricky Reyes’ Foundation, & it did make me a lot worst on the first day of my duty, but much better on the second day.
This Monday, of course, I went to my duty with Ate Carla. It’s nice having a company to chat with along the way, cause the silence wasn’t getting interesting to me these past few days, now that I’m not hearing so much from the world through the internet. We arrived a little bit late but it was okay since we almost got completely lost on our way to C.H.I.L.D. or the Center for Health Improvement & Life Development located nearby SM Sta. Mesa. I was actually feeling good & positive, but I haven’t had so much preparation in me, cause somehow I broke down when I saw them.
Children whom I believed did not deserve these illnesses.
There was this ache that I couldn’t surpass when we were meeting different children, having different illness that can either strengthen their principles in life, or break them completely. I should’ve been used to seeing patients in bad conditions, but it hurt me a lot. It hurt me a lot than what they have felt over the past few days or months or years with their illness, & somehow I wanted to ease their pain by desiring to get some of their illness too.
Ate Carla knew the first normal automatic feeling when I talked to her about it; being thankful that we didn’t experience what they were going through now. She had mistaken my feelings, for it was not those feelings of being grateful, but of having to live life in a different… a lot harder than a normal kid should be living. Those things I was asking God back then seemed all pretty materialistic now, & I’ve felt guilty too for having a small suicidal intention in the past & how much they want to fight their illness off.
However, as I looked upon their faces, it wasn’t a reflection of pity or grief. It wasn’t a reflection of a difficult life or future tribulations & misconceptions. It was a reflection of hope & happiness.
I’ve been a kid more than an adult until now, & I know that, even before my superego was developed, we must face life with a smile than with anxiety & self-pity. What I have felt earlier was just a sudden jolt that creased my perfect morning, but I realized that I don’t have to stay on that feeling for so long, because when I do, then it’s impossible for me to actually get to know these wonderful angels.
I am only human. I know, but I am a nurse too. Instead of letting these children cure my sympathy for them, I should be able to give some of my strength & hope for them. Although it sucks having to live a different kind of life with obvious hardships along the way, God said it wasn’t designed for us to suffer & remorse in life. Having to live life like them was designed to actually shape them up to be better in the future. Illness was created to prove that there is so much hope, happiness & love in this world. They involuntarily shaped me up from that experience.
It’s like finally getting a job for the first time (Congratulations Celine Leonardo!), or being able to wake up after two weeks of coma (Way to go, Dustin K.). I already know life is harder than what we think, but it sure is a good way to be better as a person, just like Job who have lost everything but still remained loyal to God, or Abraham who almost sacrificed Isaac, his son, to our God who was testing his faith. I said it before, the word ‘character’ came from a Greek word meaning ‘tested in fire.’ It only proves that to be able to shape up, we must first refine ourselves whether we like it or not.
Wish me luck on my first day of Midterms today. I pray everyone would pass Sir Jed’s examination, & to other exams as well. I’m still a little bit sleepy, but it’s time to study now. More adventures this week, I promise. I have to go to PLDT too & inform about their services. God bless & take care everyone.
Shaping in, shipping out, Allan :)
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