Convalescent Period

It was as painful as dying.

 

Having no choice of leaving everything behind & starting anew seems like throwing away all the treasures you've earned in just a blink of an eye. It's like you were on this secluded place already, & then in a swift glance everything seems to drift away, putting you in a place where it cannot grow on you that easily.

I like to leave with peace & without any assurances or promises that I'd be gone. I already stared blankly for hours & cried my tears to sleep so it wouldn't hurt that much now.

My classes starts at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I think it's time to move on now. I'm not fond of goodbyes so I'd just want to say thank you to the people who made me this Allan. Thank you for letting me into your lives. Thank you for sticking up with me thru thick & thins. I know we will eventually bid farewell to each other, but I, too, am surprised that it's too early for that.

I devoted my time doing my business so I don't need to remember all the events that happened so fast. Then there was Achi Anj, Jeah, Achi Aileen, Eric, Yat, Ryan, April and Mitch who gave me a hard time to think it over.

I blame this person whom I put my trust at first & took all the credits without acknowledging my sacrifices & hardwork. I'm not the type of person who blames someone over my mistakes & fate. Plus, I know that blame is one of the five success killers. But seriously, I BLAME him.

Goodbye Global

I never intended these series of unfortunate events to happen. Although I already had a sublime feeling that everything will eventually fall down to pieces, I never thought it would be so soon... & during my duty days.

The moment I answered my phone the other day on the way to the hospital, I already sensed that something is wrong. The one who called me was like the introduction to the chapters of tribulation. He said I should report to the school now.

I went home devastated because I knew from that point in time that there are a lot of things going to happen in just one day... bad things. I called the school for some consideration & all they've given was a lecture & an advice I couldn't follow. I'm not blaming them actually, I'm blaming the rules & regulations.

This is a big school turmoil for me & it really happened  so fast. After that phone call I went to my room, sat on my bed & became nostalgic on my journey with this school that was about to end. I would miss the people that entered my life to forever. I would miss the atmosphere of the school hallway. I would miss the constant laughing it's as if there was no sadness in the four corners of the building. I would miss my campaign days. I would definitely miss those days where I really strived to stay on top of the class. I would miss the elevator moments & the staircase scenes. I would miss the the hell we went through to finish something. I would miss those days where we fought a good fight. I would miss the dignity & respect I have built. I would miss the part of me who will stay there forever.

A ghost is not the soul of a dead person, it's more like the memory... legacy he established that will always be remembered through time & time. That part of me who maybe created at least something, would always stay there, roaming around & still being a student- the old Allan.

I guess it's time to go. It's time to open the remaining pages of the book. It's time to reel in the feeling that everything would be okay & the same when I went to the next page. It's time for me to continue my journey in a different world. It's time to get the utmost possibility that all these will be worth in the end.

Special thanks to Eric de los Santos, Carlo Luigi Robes, Jeah Jacob, Aileen Gopez, Yasna Ramirez, Ryan Olay, April Mascarinas, Michelle Martinez, Eunice Galos, Mark Anthony Dionisio, John Anthony Robes, Mafelisa Fernandez, Cathy Bautista, Mark Anthony Jabalde, Lota Lagui, Bless Lambrento, Timothy Paulo Macapagal, Michael Kevin Leynes, Kim Lomentigar, John Galileo Kintanar & to everyone else... thank you so much for being part of my college life. Friends till the ends. ;)

Shaping in & shipping out- A

Letter

Dear Allan,

You were better than before, although sometimes you think you weren't. I think it's because you think that what you're doing is wrong. You think it's wrong because they said it's wrong. It isn't. I know you Allan- you weren't that certain about the future but soon you'd clear things out.

You're damned too young to immerse yourself to too much tribulation, even if we need to see reality along the way. It's just not right for you to take all the blame while they take all the credit. It's unfair.

I know you were on the rocks lately, & I do not blame you because you had nothing to do with it. It's not that you're naive like you think you were, but because you juggled many worlds at the same time & in the process you think you might wanna give up, even just one.

In choosing you decision- whatever path you take will never be a mistake. Don't you think it is. You own your life & you have the will to make it through the day, so why think it's a mistake?

They don't understand you too well. They think they know you but they don't you that deep. Just let it out, Allan. Problems are meant to be solved not to be kept around. Just follow what you think is best for you.

Just keep hanging on. Shape in then ship out...

Love, Allan :)

Episode 4-17-09- Incident

"I, Yuan McFallon, hereby take the blame for all the mishaps that happened last month."

He was supposed to be innocent- considering he was a witness from the fate that was bestowed upon him. He had no choice whatsoever... he wasn't thought how to hide behind his mistakes & let the people infront of him take the blame. He wasn't like that.

"I am ready to face the consequences you'll be implementing as my form of punishment."

But if he was a bad person, he'd put the blame on Robin Magics, supposed to be his friend. He was the cause since he started believing in him. Now Yuan can't just point his finger to someone... he can't because he needs to save those people who were blamed by the incident. It didn't intend for this to happen, so as the people around him, so as Robin Magics- although he already had an idea since the beginning when he let Yuan fall into his own trap. If he was a bad person, he would say it's all Robin's fault... he's not that kind of a person.

"It's not his choice. I know he doesn't mean for these things to happen." Yuan said to Betty. Although Betty knows everything... so as Ryan & his girlfriend July- how Yuan was treated, how Robin took all the credits even if Yuan was the one to be congratulated, how Robin destroyed Yuan in the process just to make a profit. Betty disagreed. Yuan doesn't deserve this. She defended him.

"It's too late! It's still Mr. McFallon's fault." the board director shouted.

"Don't Betz! Please don't..." Yuan insisted the board director to punish him.

This incident... isn't Yuan's fault.

133rd Song- Porches & Pavements (7th Album Title)

Porches & Pavements

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

If there’s black, there’s white

There’s a borderline

Do I have to give up just to make it to your side?

There would come a time

When you just have to choose

Would you risk your life to make it through the ruse?

There ain’t nothing wrong in chasing what’s true

But in choosing what’s you

You really have to leave someone behind

(Chorus)

I’m standing on the edge

Ready to fall

Will I stay or will I go?

I have sacrificed my life just to haul

Your ambitions & dreams

Porches & pavements between

If there’s up, there’s down

I’d be over now

Is it just a fantasy or is it really reality?

There would be some things

Which you have to break

At times you have to cheat & lie for your sake

There is something wrong in being so true

Cause you have to think twice

Will you act so nice?

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

  

One door closes

Two doors open

There are a lot of things that happened

Sink yourself in smelling roses

Or would you give some time in growing?

& now we’re aiming for

Our victory & more

I’m standing on the edge

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Duties & File Fleas

It's a great start for me to spend my summer vacation doing hospital duties for six weeks because I get to enjoy every minute of it. Seriously, I think I wanna be an E.R. nurse... or a doctor. :P

It's good because I didn't just gain some new friends, I also get to sponge all the things that they taught me & some old routines that need polishing. I don't know why but I'm really eager to learn, maybe because I'm making it up not only to the ones who are concerned about my studies but to myself too. I also need a little break from my business activities (it's actually doing quite good even if I'm not there & because someone is changing because of money & I really hate that) & from my social life.

I really need to focus on my duty, my family & myself. Albeit the intense heat this summer when I go to Cardinal Santos Medical Center (That's where I first had my hospital duty) because of the fact that my duty is 2-10PM, I still am glad that I'm falling in love with the E.R. atmosphere- that's why I'm always energize when there's someone that needs assistance in some nursing activities. I just hope I get to snatch some few minor cases there.

On the downside, I'm really devastated towards my laptop because it reformatted by itself two days ago when I opened it. Obviously, all the files are gone- all that pictures & songs. I'm lucky enough to save my compositions from my usb... but those photos! Anyways, I'll be getting this thing fixed up & reformatted again before it pulls a crazy thing again on its own & I'm really sure now to buy that thing with a big storage space. Two years ago I saw that my friend has that thingy & I don't get the point why does he have to buy something like that... now I understand. Dang it!

It's not in my nature to get so furious to someone who's already close to me, but I tend to bite when someone pulls a stupid apathetic stunt because I followed his stupid advice. At first I really don't blame him from what happened to me back then, but now, I'm just furious that he doesn't have the guts to defend me from an upline who's getting on my nerves way before he became one. What happened to his promise? It didn't really disappeared... because it didn't really exist at the first place. All he cares now was his money & his insolent attitude. What an upline! & the hell he doesn't know that I'm defending him from some of his downlines who felt that his attitude isn't right anymore... now he's all on his own & I'll be my own upline from now on & will guide my downlines whom I really care about. Argghh! I just hate it when people change so badly for money.

Anyways, still looking on the bright side. A little break is all I needed to pull that rumor plug that the Allan now wasn't really that certain about studying. I'm still putting myself to my fate & sucking some big faith into my lungs. God bless & have a terrific Thursday! :)

Shaping in & shipping out- Allan

DVD Marathon

What a way to spend the remaining days of vacation... DVD Marathon at its best!

I'm still not that physically well but I'm feeling much better unlike yesterday. Me & my friends just spent almost two days burning up the DVD player & watching all kinds of films & series. There was Fated to Love You, Desperate Housewives, Wolverine (Shh! That's the one that got leaked on the internet but I'm still looking forward to watching it on theaters), How to Lose Friends & Alienate People, my newest favorite Slumdog Millionaire! Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo & many more.

I also get to rest for many many hours prior to my flu. At least I get to sleep long enough for the preparations to my summer classes that will start at Monday. Already? Yep, that's how college life torture us. :P

I also ate so much that I'm not even sure if I have a flu. Technically, I get too tired to eat when I am sick, but I get hungrier every minute. However, the most wonderful thing from that was the time I spend with my bestfriend Eric & everyone's Beps- Raqui. CHEEZY! :D

Anyways, I came back home just now to finally finish our thesis due on Monday- all I need is to reformat it, print it & bookbind it & I'm done. I'm still crossing my fingers on my NCM exam & I really hope I passed that test. It's really my only shot to make it through everything I sacrificed. God bless & have a nice day guys!

Shaping in & shipping out- A

Flu & Falling Stars

It's nice to be back after two days of absence here in LJ. Although I'm not feeling well today, at least it's good that I get to finish all the things that I'm worried about like my overdue exams that I took yesterday after my last make up duty in MCMC ER. I'm still crossing my fingers on my NCM exams cause I have to get a grade of 73% (I thought it was 69%) to get a passing grade. Let's just wait & see.

Last, last night when I was spending time with myself outside our house I get to see a falling star. It's not everyday nor every year that you get to see something like that unexpectedly. Then I had an epiphany- good things do come when you least expect it. So from now on I wouldn't want to be expecting, I would just cling myself to hope.

I didn't get a chance to blog because my little brother is using the internet like crazy for two days. At least I get to spend quality time with my bed & pillows at night! I'm planning to get some little exercise today but I'm really not that feeling well. I don't know how I got this flu & I'm hoping it's not from the hospital. Anyways, I guess I'd be getting some breakfast. I'm still nervous about the exams & I don't know what to expect... or hope. God will be the judge.

Shaping in... & now shipping out- A

Chasing Pavements

Just took a long, long nap & I think I'm finally curing my sleeping disorder (let's see) & my depression. Ti-hee!

I haven't had the chance to go to my grandmother's (she prefers calling her mommy) birthday celebration because I was planning to go to Quezon City awhile ago because I thought I haven't had any medical exams whatsoever for our hospital duty. Then I remembered I already had that when we were at school. *Bangs head at the table*

So my initial reaction was to go 'bumming' inside the house watching dvds like Bolt, Twilight (again!), C.S.I. Season 9, Brothers & Sisters & Gossip Girl & working out for an hour. I wanna make up to my mommy's birthday sometime this week, after I finished our make up duty, took the special exams & enroll for summer classes. I met up with my friend Yat at two o'clock in the afternoon to get something from her, then I just took a quick stroll around our subdivision's park, & then took a nap.

Still have many things to do & I need to set it straight before things could get even worst. Even if it's the holy week, I'm still going to be pretty busy hauling every past mistakes that I've done. Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements? I chose the latter since it's gonna be so worth it in the end. I forgot... I'm already a college senior! Hoorah! :)

Shaping in & now shipping out- Allan :)

Sleep

I called it a day during the night, & just woke up feeling a little bit refreshed, but overjoyed when I had slept at night time.

Okay, let me rephrase that  a little... you all know that I have issues about sleeping, right? For months I've been an insomniac since I started my business & of course, my hospital duties. I was a vampire. That's right, I said it. ;)

However, I'm really serious about trying to change my sedentary lifestyle. Let's face it! It's not healthy for me anymore being someone who doesn't plan his diet, exercise or sleep at night. So, after dinner, I made a choice- I will try sleeping tonight.

I guess my lack of sleep also triggered my mood in some way; being restless doesn't bring many good traits, I just had a recent depression drama remember? Plus, I really have to be aware that sleep affects my overall performance, obviously my health & safety. Yeah, I'm overweight because of sleep deprivation.

Anyways, I'm starting to get some physical activity to & tone down that crazy eating disorder (lol). Last night, I ordered two pieces of McDonald's chicken, large fries & two coke floats. Dang it! Spare me the insults guys... :P

Still got a full day ahead! God bless everyone & have a Merry Monday. Happy happy birthday to my grandmother Gloria Leyva whom I love so much.
 

Shaping in, now shipping out- A

Make Up Duties

Call me crazy, but I'm seriously having fun with make up duties...

Well, not really; it sucks when you have to wake up early in the morning to prepare for your duty (try going to bed at 12AM & waking up at quarter to 4AM), you have to leave home & all your daily activities & spend the day being bummed at a lying-in center.

Albeit those negativities, it actually is fun spending time with good old friends who paid enough money just to hang out with each other... with a clinical instructor on the guard.

We had our make up duty (yeah, supposed to be on vacation mode) in Taguig lying-in center from six o'clock in the morning up to 8 o'clock in the evening. We haven't had the chance to get some DR cases there so we just updated ourselves to the current happenings in our lives... like my idol David Archuleta, who's coming in the Philippines at May 16 together with David Cook of course! VIP tickets, anyone? :D

Anyways, after a long, long day of chatting, eating & lying around (that's why they call it a lying-in center! They took the name literally), me & my make up duty buds decided to call it a day & went home. So technically, my day was filled with... nothing. Peace!
  

Still shaping in... now shipping out! A

Getting Back in Shape

It's 4:40PM & would you believe that I haven't had any sleep since nine o'clock yesterday night? I do too- it's already a part of my sedentary lifestyle to have a weird opposite sleeping schedule so I can't blame myself. It's never too late to change it back, but it's gonna take me awhile.

That's my point- I really have to get back in shape, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally & spiritually. I mean, I used to be so fit when I was really hooked into sports like basketball, volleyball, soccer & of course, swimming. I never had any problems in my studies unlike today, I never get depressed nor get so tired a lo, & yeah, I always go to church on Saturday & Sunday.

Now it seems all of it never existed. I got stuck in this semi-fat growing body; eating everything I see without checking the Nutrition facts; I'm behind my studies & I'm always trying to make some excuses on having advance studies on my future subjects, & do I have to tell about my obvious depression & the fact that I don't go to church anymore?
 
I used to have a good relationship with my body, school, myself & God. It seems all that was taken away because of everything that is happening now, especially those distractions. I couldn't take it any longer.
  
I promise myself that everything is going to get better again, & I'm a hell lot determined to get back in shape again. Now, I'd be having a little nap (wish I could wake up early) & will prepare for school after I wake up. Wish me luck for my special exams & my grades- wish I could take it & pull it off. God bless & take care everyone. Have a serene Saturday. Happy 21st birthday to my best buds John Anthony "Juanton" Robes & Carlo Luigi "Weegy" Robes. :)
  

Shaping in, shipping out! Allan

April Fool's Post

You might understand this... or not. The point of this post is that you have to derive my thoughts to its opposite. For example, if I say I'm in love... then I'm really pointing out that I'm not soul-searching for the moment. Got it?

Anyways, it's been a long long time since I posted something here in LJ. My mind is so focused lately to everything I forgot how much time I'm not wasting from doing some busy summer work stuffs. I've clearly been in a hassle always, & I think it's still healthy- both physically & mentally.

I've been myself a lot lately & I think I wouldn't hire a shrink for me to go through what I'm feeling now. I hadn't had any rollercoaster emotions-which explains why I always sleep tonight. My studies are also at its greatest shape. I don't need any help whatsoever. :)

I never had any trouble sleeping. It's always peaceful every night. Summer's doing a great job for me & the business is moving on a fast pace.

Still hopeful! April Fool's Day! :)

-You maybe wondering now if I need some professional help... do I?

Hello April!

I've barely passed through every tribulation that headed my way, & although I've been feigning my feelings for almost a week now, I know I still have that random optimism to stand up again from my fall.

This year's March have proven a lot when I pronounced that it will all be centered to music & mayhems... it actually did. I've composed a bunch of positive songs this month & reviving... or should I say finishing what those ancient compositions I've left before. Let's just say in the process of faking it, there was a positive atmosphere that gave me hope to write something about. Another was mayhems! It actually was the most dangerous month of my year- it's like everything is set to fail & I was in the brink of my faith to alternate it. Somehow I managed to pass through all that, although I'm still in the process of getting my life back to normal again.

I was pretty upset the past few weeks because I actually blamed a lot of people for the things I've messed up. I've always thought that I should probably start thinking for myself once in awhile & not for anyone, but tell you what, I've always been thinking for myself & not for anyone anymore. It's kinda sad that I was blaming other people for not helping me out in my situation but it turns out I should be the one who's responsible for my life, for my own actions & not them. I really feel guilty about it & I really intend to make up for everything this summer. Especially to my studies- it's time for me to straighten things up again & try & changed my life back to normal.

I've been drinking & lying lately, & I just can't take it anymore. I've always denied the fact that somehow, I have changed, & gave out an "I've just added some few personalities" excuses. However, if you think about it, I really did change. Well, I can say that change is the only constant thing in the world, but I still feel awful from the way I turned out.

So before I set myself into the old Allan again (& hopefully, I will be accomplished), I'd better go take a break & hibernate before summer classes start. 'Till then guys... have a great summer! :)

Signing off, iLAN

132nd Song- Below the Line

With the song If that Man Was Me, this composition of mine is also one of the most ancient song I haven't finished for a long, long time. I remembered this song because of the movie my old friends invented when we were in elementary school- Nature Ninjas which I turned to Atlicost when I stepped into highschool. I tried writing a story but my artistic thoughts was just a wannabe in my character.  Anyways, here's Below the Line.

Below the Line

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

You made it

Finished the line

Though it’s not the same cause you just break it

Through time & time

  

You did it

You crossed the path

But it’s not the way you instigated

Not the way you moved tonight

  

(Chorus)

I who stopped the time

I who hauled my life

Below the line

Yes I’m below the line

Who made you fine

Who gave you life

Below the line

Yes I’m below the line

You made it

Won over my pack

Tangled webs you’ve feigned the past

We did not surpass

  

I’ll bring it

My deepest why

To compose a larger strength to hold

Your plans & your shows

(Repeat Chorus)

  

The things you must do for you to undo

Is beg for your evils do’s

Now you can choose

The life that you want

The life that you need

To grasp air into the fire

Surpass yourself below the line

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus 3x)

Below the line