Ninoy

I just finished watching Maalaala Mo Kaya tonight; it's all about Ninoy & the late president Cory Aquino's fight for democracy. I had no idea Ninoy had a 40-day hunger strike, & it ignited my Filipino blood. The Filipinos really are worth dying... & living for.

I am Ninoy, Aldrinne :D

Clockstopper

It's twelve o'clock in the morning & I have to wake up early for Course Audit... oh well. I don't have a typical sleeping pattern anyway.. lol

Just wanna drop by my blog. It feels so good to have my blogging time despite the busy schedule I have for this last semester. I mean, since we couldn't have time for everything, then we have to MAKE time, right?
I'm also happy to the fact that I'm almost done fixing all the things that've been piling up in my to-do list. It's pretty funny how I was complaining the other day about the documentation, my STS video project, my paperworks, leadership thingy, transcript of record etcetera, & now it looks like I could really finish this set of assignments on time. Other than those academic requirements, I've also managed to find some time going back to my usual small group & to my church routine.

Anyways, I kinda suck at posting my songs here in my blog. I should've posted all two hundred of 'em last year but I couldn't really force every compositions in one schedule; I need to show one to three songs as my regular song posts just so people could appreciate them. Unlike when you posted twenty songs at once, you guys will never read all of them. Anyways, I'm trying to find a day where I should be posting some of my songs just to update you guys.

Anyways, this has been great. I get to talk to you guys through my blog again. God bless & have a happy weekend everyone. Thank you for sticking through LJ for the last three years. :)

Making time, Aldrinne :D

Hey there Eyes...

You have been seeing different kinds of stuff lately, stuff that proved that life can be serene despite its dreadful diabolical difficulty. You have seen the nature of positivity in a negative situation.

You have been searching for a nature-studded environment, where you can breathe easily without frustrations & allergies are just a thing of the past. You have seen imagination & creativity capturing the  imagery of your surroundings, whether it looks the opposite.

You have been glancing to those people next to you; these people who are laughing in spite of the calamities they're going through, these people who are sacrificing themselves just to paved way for other's interests & desires, these people who have been silent when it comes to their hopes & dreams, & these people who are trying to stand up after a very bad fall. It makes you happy, that everytime you look at them, you see peace amidst the storm & love amidst the hatred.

You have been looking beyond what is being neglected, & that is the beauty of the world. It's very difficult to look past those wars, destructions, murders, felonies, & torts. However, it's fascinating how your vision, how physiologically limited it may be, can see beyond the walls of torture & sadness... & into a utopia of complete & utter happiness.

Behind these hazel eyes, Aldrinne :D

More Paperworks

Documentations

Nursing leadership

More NCM paper works

Grades & Transcript of Records

Course Audit

STS Video Project

Asian Civilization Research 

Rizal Midterms

Shoot! Flux! Dang it! Argh!

   

Waves of tribulation... in the form of paper, Aldrinne

About Time

Hey everyone! Sorry for the late blog updates; Recently I've been so busy juggling almost all the requirements needed since the first week of January. I couldn't really find the time to make a suitable blog post until now.

So other than the successful outcome of our seminar, which solely became a precursor for the other section's seminar activities. It's amazing how the people in our class reunited & settled their indifference to make the seminar more creative, & in the end almost everyone became friends with each other.

There are happy outcomes... & sad outcomes as well.

Believe me when I say when I love our course audit- the reviews & lectures are amazing, but what I really hate is the fact that I've been reclustered to another branch of our school which is so far from my house. I mean, what's the point of enrolling in AU Pasig if you'll end up in Legarda?

All in all, I'm still doing great amidst the roller coaster of problems I've been riding in. Wish me luck on the weeks to come you guys! Songs will be posted this week! God bless & take care everyone!

It's about time I made a blog post again, Aldrinne :D

Twenty!

Oh flux. I just completed my second decade of life. Here goes my 20's... Thank you for the birthday greeting you guys! God bless & take care everyone! I promise- more blog post after this last busy week! Good times.

20 on 1/20/2010, Aldrinne :)

It's Okay

I told you before (or kinda pointed it out), happiness is not just an emotion, it's also a decision. You don't have to be caught up in the rain throughout the whole day- even rain doesn't last for long. Even when the world is revolving in tribulations, at the end of the day... it's really okay.

Smile now, Aldrinne :D

Paternal Decisions

Three or four months ago I emailed my dad telling him all sorts of things that he needed to hear even just for once. It's not exactly the type of email people usually sent to their loved ones- more likely the type of a threatening email.

Yes, I cursed him. For the first time in my life, I cursed my father through email.

I know it's bad & it's purely evil, insensitive & selfish in my part. Believe me, I myself am guilty of pulling off a stunt like that. He's still my biological father who somehow gave me life, was there in my childhood years, & sacrificed his youth just to be an early father. No matter how I put it, I'm still his son, & I understand that I have no right to curse my parents even when they're wrong.

When I think about it, it's like I haven't gone to elementary or even nursery & prep because of the things I told him. I learned respect a long time ago & I should've been applying it as well.

However, sometimes there are instances where you blow up & have to find somebody or something to lease it to. True, displacement is an immature form of defense mechanism, but people tend to find the fastest way to show their emotions, & that night, when I saw my mom being tortured with grief (not because of their relationship, but because of how she's having a difficult time managing us three kids alone), I felt hatred & angst towards my father, & the nearest thing I could possibly use for my father to know that I'm angry at him was in front of me- my laptop.

I've constantly emailed my dad, begging him to help my mom out through financial support. It's pretty stupid of me to wait for his replies cause I'm not getting any of them, even for one bit last year. Maybe my father couldn't have the guts to make a reply since he already had two kids to take care for. I figured he's not getting my emails until the recent incident, but I haven't given up on our last form of communication.

It must've been difficult for my father to make a reply & explain how he's having a hard time to support us financially, but in my opinion, it's better to let your kids know how you have been doing & apologize cause you couldn't constantly support them than ignore their emails. I mean, what's the point of ignoring your kids when they know you left them for another family? He's got nothing to lose, actually, cause I'm pretty much used to him making decisions that only benefits him & not his 'original' family.

I told my mom about how my father told my grandma about my hate email, & she honestly couldn't blame me at all. I told her I should stop judging him, but she explained to me that I'm not being judgmental... I'm just being honest- there's a difference. Being judgmental is more like defining a person you don't really know, but when you really know him anyway, even when you already gave him many chances or a lot of benefit of the doubt, that's not being judgmental at all.

It's kinda too late to give my father a piece of my advice, but I'll say it anyway...

There are many different kinds of decisions in life

Some are big & some are small

Some affects you, some affects all

Decisions are like promises- not to be broken

They're not like computers- with an undo button

Before you make a decision, never neglect

Those who'll be affected & its effect

-Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Write Up... Down

It's annoying when people would ask for a favor & wouldn't appreciate you after you give it to them. Argh, I didn't even want to help this person considering my busy schedule last week but I still made it, & now he ignores my text & FB messages. Argh!

So this year all of my friends both from Arellano & GCIC will be graduating, including me. Obviously, year book pictures are in the rage today, even though I don't feel AU is making our year book now. Nevertheless, my GCIC friends, of course, have been requesting write ups for their year book.

It a-okay in my part since this is just a little something I could do just to be part of the year book, & it's actually my own way of showing my appreciation for being able to tolerate a friend like me lol. It may take a little of patience in their part though, cause I'm really... what do you say... obsessive compulsive when it comes to making write ups- a little thing I learned ever since I read my crappy high school write ups exactly four years ago.

Believe it or not, I actually wanted to do those write ups myself. I did a couple of write ups, relaying it either through paper, text messages, email & FB messages. One of these people is an old friend of mine- he asked me if I could make him a write up & it was the time when I was doing my seminar activities (Oh I remember my seminar... no sleep for almost two days!). I still agreed but I told him to wait for it on Saturday. I noticed how he 'commanded' me to make him one & to make it wonderful, but I didn't mind since it's the New Year seasons & I'm tired of arguing already.

He asked for it a day later & I told him to wait for it cause I'm still dead tired from the seminar I just had. On the next day I sent him my write up through my phone- it took me time to send it since I really wanted to make an effort to it, & I waited for his reply but never got anything. Walang load, I guess.

Two or three days later, I asked him on his Facebook wall if he received it, no answer. I then went to school for the whole day & when I got back, still no reply. To my surprise, he even posted a new shoutout on his wall... & I thought why is he ignoring me. I even sent him a private message & still, no reply. That made me furious!
 
I couldn't comprehend how someone would ask... more like command to make him a write up & would completely ignore it. Dang it! I made a really big effort in making something like that. A piece of advice to you kids out there- a thank you note would go a long, long way.

Learning to say 'NO', Aldrinne

Happy Ending

There will always be a happy ending in this story... I just know it. Aldrinne

Another Dead End

I've been asking myself a lot lately about how many people, especially even families & friends, could actually have the guts to enter one's personal life & ruin it.

Just to be clear, friends can share almost everything, but there's a limit to it. There are boundaries to any life's stories & events, & sometimes there are things that you & God should only know about. That's why it's called 'personal' in the first place.

This week I realized that not only the people are designed to focus on your negativities, even friends can somehow wanted to be entertained by the things you keep to yourself & not look on the positive things of life. All I'm saying is that it hurts that they don't compliment or appreciate the good things that you did for them, but they focus more on the things that fill up their curios minds.

The least they can do is to shut up but they can't do it, & when you confront them they'll tell you that they'll protect you. What's there to protect, anyway? Did they protect me when I went through a lot of hell-like situations last year? They weren't there & all they could is to blab about the words 'everything's gonna be alright.'

I haven't heard the whole story... trust me, I heard enough... I had enough. Goodbye negativities! Goodbye negative people. Goodbye trust.

Surrounded by intoxications, Aldrinne

195th Song- Go On

Go On

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Go on, anticipate the day I’ll walk away

Go on, tell me ‘gain why I’ll leave you someday

& everytime I think about

All the lines you’re speaking out

I told you, I will love you so

You don’t believe me anymore

(Chorus)

Go on

& now you tell me I have changed

Go on

It’s as if your efforts are that great

Go on, go on, go on

Come on, why you question if I’m satisfied?

Come on, why’d I have to coexist with lies?

& all the time I feel the signs

It’s like I couldn’t cross this line

& enter in your world before

Don’t you love me anymore?

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

You’re always asking

Was this the right thing?

Then if I ask you

You’d change the topic

You’re always acting

Like I don’t notice

Are you committed?

Cause I’m not quitting

(Repeat Chorus 3x)

Anticipate the day I’ll walk away

Tell me ‘gain the reasons I won’t stay

194th Song- Don't Know You Anymore

Don’t Know You Anymore

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Are you falling in love out of pity?

Are you falling in love just because you want me?

But you don’t need me & you can’t see me

So now are you happy, happily hurting me?

Your love was the only excuse, for me to trust you

& if I ask you about your world, you get so confused

I only want to know you

This is about our failure

So now are you doubting?

Doubtingly loving me?

(Chorus)

& it’s so easy, it’s so easy

For you to make up through the storm

& am I worthy? Am I worthy?

To see the old person in you

& now we’re crying

It’s like I don’t you anymore

It’s like I don’t you anymore

You always negate, negate all my worries

Do you ever know why I love you so badly?

& I just wanna know you

& everything ‘bout you

So please don’t ignore me, ignorantly loving me

(Repeat Chorus)

It’s like I don’t know you anymore

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus)

It’s like I don’t know you anymore

193rd Song- Pointless

Pointless

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

All through my life I’ve faced the dark

No one beside me, when I fall apart

So I tried to focus on my senselessness

Tried to believe in my own competence

Saw you the moment I can’t comprehend

Time had stood still, but I built up a fence

& now I was stuck in a pedestal where

I feel too late to you who was then there

(Chorus)

But then you never turn your back

When I was suffering

Now I tried to close my eyes

I was surprised

You were holding me

When you are here

It’s as if I’m just like in a dream

& now I just realized everything

It all seems so pointless to me

I set a fire when you were gone

I ‘lone faced the music until I moved on

But when I was burning, feeling all the flames

You have clenched my hand, remained as my friend

I seek all the valleys so I’d understand

What are the meanings of your kind amends?

You were unsure of my own demands

But you have a pure heart, I’m thankful for that

(Repeat Chorus)

I felt all your pain when you shouldered my world

I gave you my threshold & things I’ve to control

I’m less of a fighter, but you made me strong

& now with you, I can conquer the world

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

& I realized

You’re only for me

& everything that’s not for you

& everyone except for you

Seem so pointless to me

192nd Song- Cheated

Cheated

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Called me Justin on the phone

On our date, you named me Paul

You then said ‘I love you Mark’

After that, you called me John

Weeks then followed, ‘gain no show

Phoned you but no dial tone

I think you’ve just forgotten me

& the rest of us who feels

(Chorus)

Cheated

My name ain’t Ryan, Shane or James

Cheated

Am I just one of your collections?

Cheated Can you just separate our love from your game

My name ain’t cheated

You appeared like what you did

In Dave’s story ‘bout a cheat

Said ‘I’m sorry, forgive me Ben’

I did what Eric did then

If you love someone, you don’t know

She was playing my heart like Ron’s

Like how Den, Jed & Ian said

She would never ever change

(Yes I’m)

(Repeat Chorus)

Poor old me, it felt so real

Like what Bill & Henry feel

So now I stand infront of you

Will you do the same to me?

Guess I’m

(Repeat Chorus 3x)

My name ain’t Erwin, Kevin or Sam

My name ain’t Christopher or Ram

My name ain’t Richard, George, or Jim

My name ain’t Yuan, Drew or Tim

(Fades away)

Successions

It's been almost a month since I told myself not to be stuck with any problems & misconceptions anymore, especially that it's the Christmas season, the new year is coming & the seminar date is fast approaching. Every emotion had to be put away, & although I have gained temporary emotional stability, it still didn't stop me to go crying every night.

It's just something I have to do to lease out the different & mixed feelings that I have from the seminar & all the problems I'm trying to juggle with. I was in a state of not trying to break down since a lot of people depend on me, plus I sank myself to every possible work I could get like being the master of the ceremony in our seminar, becoming part of the technical team, registration & invitations team, & the food committee, & I was originally part of the documentation team!

My highschool friend Karen also helped me a lot- encouraging me up in her abode, listening to all my complaints & troubles, & told me to remain silent from all these things. But last night was different, cause I had to defend myself since people are being affected, & I couldn't just shrug it off easily.

It was rather a relief in my part, since there are still people who protect me inspite of all those things, but I'm not a kid anymore & I don't need protection from... nobody. Just wanna say thanks to those people who made me think that this is going nowhere.

Congratulations to my classmates for being able to pull of the seminar. I just wish I can take the pressure of our Audit Midterms today. Sigh...

Blunders again, Aldrinne

New Year's Recollections, Retributions & Resolutions

Just to formally say my farewell to 2009, I have thought about a list of what I have learned from last year's drama. It was a roller coaster ride of a journey, & I'm certain I'll be sticking to the moral lessons I have inculcated from that experience.

First off, I learned how to avoid unnecessary, daring & completely stupid stunts that can ruin & destroy my character & dignity just for the sake of fun & 'being cool'. Yeah, I'm talking about the Youtube videos that got me in big trouble. Maybe because of that, I even had the trauma to make a video for our seminar presentation & my STS project! Just to be clear to everyone, I'm still having second thoughts about future Youtube video exposure, but one thing is clear, I'm not gonna be doing that again.

Another thing I learned from last year is to not associate money from friendship. It's a common fact that business & pleasure doesn't go well with each other. It's not really pleasure though, but friends aren't likely to be future business partners too. They are there during your happy & sad times, but they couldn't really support you financially either. For me, friendship is always at risk once you get 'down to business', & sometimes you could lose both- exactly like what happened to me.

I've always used to keep my feet on the ground, but then again I sometimes think of myself as important or better than other people. It's not that I never learned how to be humble, it's just that there are times when you have to inspire others to be like you. But last year I just went overboard, maybe because I had to (especially in the networking business). If you ask me, I won't be needing appreciation from everyone else, but to those people who know me.

I usually tend to promise something just to end a conversation or a quarrel whatsoever, but in the end it always results to me breaking them. I over-promise & destroy their trust, & last year was like a whole lot of promising & breaking. It's actually in my character to act before I think again, so this time I'm gonna make sure that I'll think first before I say or do anything.
  
Maybe it looks like I'm negating myself, but I'm just pointing out all the bad personality I need so that I could really turn into a respectable & good person. This year it's all about focusing on my studies, having time to myself & to all my TRUEST love ones & friends (who never backstab me nor leave me), graduating & passing the local boards, acquiring three hundred compositions or more, maintaining my physical fitness & making sure that I think before I do anything.
  
I learned a lot last year, hopefully I won't be making the same mistakes again... I'm sure enough that I won't be making them again! & I wish I could make use of these life lessons to avoid any further tribulation.
  
I'm gonna be preparing for the start of school & my orientation in Philippine Orthopedic Center tomorrow. More songs coming up this week, I promise! God bless & take care everyone! Have a happy back-to-school week! Cheers to 2010!

Goodbye '09 & Hello '10, Aldrinne :D