214th Song- Love You Know

Love You Know

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Twenty one

You always hate the number twenty one

You associate these things to me

& I’ll believe

My mistake

Is that I grew up to someone you hate

You associate your heart to me

So you’ll be free

(Chorus)

If you think it’s me

& the way you see

Ask yourself in what you feel

If you think it’s wrong

& we don’t belong

I can’t guess the love you know

They agree

It’s just you’re scared to what they’ll think of me

I don’t know the love you’re looking for

I’m not enough

   

My mistake

Is that I don’t mean to destroy your faith

It’s not that I don’t have the time to wait

‘Till it’s too late

(Repeat Chorus)

   

If you think I’m bored

Then why you close your door?

Tell me if I’m worth the fall

If you know you’re right

Then you can leave tonight

Just tell me if you don’t love me anymore

  

Twenty one

You always hate the number twenty one

But it seems it’s just the way you feel

That changed you here

(Repeat Chorus)

Lefty Love

Hey everyone! It really has been awhile since I get to speak with you guys. After school world, I never thought I'm busier in the employment world. Well, I wasn't really that busy but when transitions come into your life, you tend to leave some of the things that really matter to you. & one of them is blogging.

 

Well, at least I still get to post something from my old friend LJ before this month will end. I really have a lot of things to tell you about, starting from my employment epiphanies, my brother being admitted to the hospital due to the very dangerous Dengue Hemorrhagic Fever, my paternal rants, my lack of time to write new songs up until my weight-gaining issues.

 

Anyways, months ago I was excited to be in this company I've been working at. I was really happy having my first job & all that. It was challenging, being the subject for rude comments & violent reactions, but I still get to have satisfaction from those other callers who have been giving me some great comments & feedbacks in my work. Not to mention I was fitting from my co-pilots there, navigating into the insurance sky together. Except for some people there...

 

But then again, as I finished watching the last season of Ugly Betty (which is a bummer), I asked myself if this is really what I wanted. I mean, it's great for me to work on m communication skills & learn about insurance policies & all that, but is this really the work that I wanted?

 

When I was still studying I always get to dream of working in a big hospital abroad while still being a singer sharing his compositions to the world. It was, by far, the bestest thing in the whole world. & just thinking about it always make me so inspired, which is why I get to write more & more songs.

 

I know it was a big dream. But I believe it will happen in time.It's just that I don't have any idea which path it will take me to reach it. Being stuck in a work that wasn't my interest isn't really helping at all. That is why I'm trying hard to look for something that can take me farther from what I'm supposed to become next. I think I need more inspiration & guidance, & that is why I defined myself as Mr. Change.

 

Two weeks ago, my family got an unexpected unfortunate event where it involved my brother suffering from a 3rd grade dengue hemorrhagic fever. It was really devastating seeing him struggle in the first few days in the hospital, trying to fight the illness away. What got me worried was the fact that his heart rate was declining, & the fact that his bleeding internally made my concentration level from work a little bit awful. But God never ignored our prayers, & after a week, he got better. I get to learn to love my family more than ever. Note to self, get a health insurance right away.

 

I also started to lose some weight again since I let myself go again, & I had a little accident where it involves ripping my pants in the butt part of my jeans, which is embarrassing... but funny as heck! But then again, I still want to pat myself on the back for taking care of myself. Health is wealth, after all.

 

So I really really am sorry for the huge delay from posting my compositions here. I promise to make more updates & get really serious in my writing gift. For now, I get to inspire myself again & do some really important things today. Ü

 

Giving more lefty lovin', Aldrinne :)

HairDone

Hey guys! So I just watched too many Ugly Betty episodes today (I know... I'm terribly late with the series) that I forgot to put up a new blog post before I sleep a vampire sleep. Anyways, it has been a mundane day for me.

But knowing myself, I have got to find a way how to spice up things a little bit. Because I've been meaning to try a different hairstyle that doesn't get too crowded on my head (can I say that?), I had a haircut today! It's some sort of a Mohawk with a little shave on the sides! & I know it's like a really small thing, but having a new do is one of my go-to to satisfy my 'trying new ideas everyday' kind of midyear resolution.

Well, it's pretty much all I can share. But I just wanted to make a big deal out of it in a positive way, I think. & I really needed to make a Twitter account again, update myself on all my blogger buddies' blogs, post some songs again, record a song & share it to you guys (I'm thinking about it), & pretty much what I do best- to be available... uhm, that didn't sound right. lol

Setting up my social calendar for the nth time, Aldrinne :D

  

P.S. Photo.Not.Me... I really really wish it was though. lol

New Blogging Season

Hey guys! It's a whole new LJ blogging season this month. I really needed that absence since I took up some things that increased my maturity level up to almost fifty percent.

A lot of things have happened after I took off from the blogosphere. To tell you the truth I have been posting some blog posts but I saved them as drafts. I was ambivalent during those times, & posting some private (more like emotional) things required me to think them over.

My absence here gave me a clean slate. It was good. From then on I became employed, which is going so well since I fell in love with my job; I attended a wedding... well, a wedding reception; saw a bunch of movies; watched a lot of series; focused on my physical & spiritual sides by doing Yoga, weight training & attending church every Fridays & Sundays; hanged out with some old friends; made a slideshow; recorded a song; & basically tried a lot of new things.

It was a whole lot of adventures. & I just keep on growing & growing (I wish I could also say that to my height though) that I decided to make the world my own personal classroom. There were a couple of bad dramas that have happened, but they were all trifles that I actually forgot what they are (lol). 

I also missed my blogging entourage. They actually helped me through a bunch of decisions. & blogging made it possible for me to relate to them.

Anyways, I have a whole lot of things to do this serene Sunday. But I'll keep on updating you from now & then. Gees I really missed this! I missed everyone! God bless & have a good day guys.

Ready for some blupdates, Aldrinne :D

213th Song- What You've Done

What You’ve Done

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

   

(Chorus)

Look at what you’ve done to me

Don’t be proud in what you’ll see

I’m talking ‘bout this pain I feel

Don’t be alarm for this is real

   

I want to ask

Why it’s not enough

You see, I gave my all

Let myself fall

If it’s too hard for you to feel

I know that you can see

The wrong things you have given me

While I give the things that you need

(Repeat Chorus)

  

For this is real (Repeat 2X)

You really don’t need me here

So it’s enough to set me free

Cause all the pain that you are giving me

It’s enough for me to bleed

(Repeat Chorus)

  

I wish I could go back in time

& undo all the things we left behind

We can just fall in love

But you chose to fall apart

But you chose to fall apart

But you chose to fall apart

(Repeat Chorus 2X)

  

What you’ve done is real

(Repeat 3X)

212th Song- You Wouldn't Know

You Wouldn’t Know

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

   

Everyday there’s a possibility

Of you falling in love with me

Though if I ask you

You would always say ‘maybe’

   

We always say that we should take it slow

& in the process I gave my all

The saddest thing about it was

You grew tried to fall

  

(Chorus)

I just can’t believe

You’ve given up on me

It’s never wrong cause

You wouldn’t know

I can’t help but think

You bid hello to leave

Love’s never wrong cause

You wouldn’t know

  

It’s me & my stupidity

Who’s always there for you to feel

Be loved, be treated like 

Someone with royalty

   

I thought it’s just the way you act

But I feel you’re not coming back

I’ve put up with your endeavors

Still you can’t feel

(Repeat Chorus)

  

(You wouldn’t know)

You’re narrow-minded when it comes to love

I thought we’re happy while we are growing up

I’ve always thought you were the one

But you wouldn’t know

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus 2X)

Employ-Meant After All

Click here for the previous post :)

Hey everyone! So I'm going to tell you a little plan that I devised to really get the job I was talking about yesterday. Even though this Plan B might be a little risky at first, because of the fact that the company I applied into has no office hours during the weekends, I still pulled it off in the end. & you know what, I think what I did today was more than what I have expected for myself.

So you guys knew about my dilemma about waking up thirty minutes before the scheduled exams & interview yesterday. It really got me devastated & then I inculcated about God having other big plans for me so I'm just gonna let go of this one & move on. I wasn't really prepared as well, so it might be better to miss it in the first place than to pull off a suicide stunt.

But as I was curling up to my bed, regressing, I thought about what a blogger in Nuffnang told me- it's better to be late & try it than not trying it at all. That really got me asking to myself. You see, even though I'm sure God has a plan for me, is missing out the interview & exam really means that God has another company set out for me? Or He just want me to get another chance to 'really' study hard & 'really' prepare for it?

I've thought it for a moment. A really long moment though. When I woke up & saw how much encouragement & support my mom, my super dad, my aunt & my grandmother were giving me, I decided to went over there tomorrow, Saturday morning, earlier than eight o'clock & completely furnished & ready. There was this spark of hope, although too little to be seen & felt, that built my optimism up from eight percent to eighty.

So last night, when I finished blogging & all that, I started to go through the sites talking about successfully getting the job & some interview tips. To my surprise, almost all the things that I've read  there didn't occur to me when I was applying for a job in the previous company. From the appropriate outfit up until the answers to the common job interview questions, I was completely dumbfounded by these realizations. It wasn't easy at all, I thought. I also took the time to deeply study the company from the products & services that they were offering, to the company's mission, vision & history.

I woke up at around three o'clock in the morning, only having two hours of sleep. & I began to rehash all the things that needed to be done for the interview & exam. It was risky, cause even when I want them to know that I do know that it'll be scheduled today & not yesterday by just showing up, I don't have any assurance that the office there was operating on weekends.

I still went straight there, & to my surprise... it was empty. No one was there but a guard & the maintenance team. It was seven o'clock in the morning, but I still waited for someone there to show up & give me the test & the interview. & an hour passed still no sign of employees there. I was kinda falling asleep on my chair, & I didn't even have a heavy breakfast & water to ease my insides. I prayed to God once again... & boy am I glad to see all these people coming in.

The people in that company were all nice; they actually treated me as if they're the ones who needs to get interviewed. I still felt jittery, but it wasn't out of nervousness, but because I was just hungry. & in the end, I even got a thumbs up on my exam & some compliments from the interviewer herself. The plan was a success, & I'm lucky enough to pass them all even when my chances were really that small.

So now I'm scheduled for the final interview in my real office, the one when I will be working in, on whenever the interviewer has decided. & I really want to thank my family for the encouragement & the push, to God who never fails to impress me (I love you!), & to my fellow bloggers as well who did not just cheered me up throughout the entire time I was devastated, but also for giving me the advice & the inspiration just like my real & true friends are giving. Have a blessed day everyone! I'm gonna go eat dinner now! :)

There will always be glimpses of hope, Aldrinne :D

211th Song- Right

 This song that I wrote has a concept of 'if being wrong is the only way for you to come back, then I don't want to be right.' Well, something like that. It's kinda ironic, cause I'm writing a song entitled 'Right' since I'm a lefty myself (isn't it obvious?) lol.

Okay, just wanna thank those bloggers awhile ago who have been cheering me up from the 'incident' awhile ago. I just took a very long nap & I feel slightly recharged. & to those bloggers who have been encouraging me to sing my song on Youtube, I'm fifty percent reconsidering it now lol. It's a start, right? Thank you everyone! Here's the lyrics of Right! :D

   

Right

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Don’t speak so softly

I can’t hear what you’re trying to say

I see you now shouting

It seems I just can’t understand

  

Maybe I don’t wanna hear it

Maybe I just couldn’t take it so good

I wish my hunch is just a mistake

Cause baby, my feelings, I cannot fake

  

(Chorus)

But you made me realize

That in the end I was right

After some time

You bid your goodbye

But baby, I’ve to deny

All those reasons why

You have to leave me here

I never ever really wanna be right

Please take a moment

You don’t have to see who’s involved in

You’ve knocked on my door now

There’s no going back from me now

Cause maybe I found love, it’s in you

Maybe with you, I’m feeling so good

I know what you want me to do

Call me a fool, but I just can’t undo

(Repeat Chorus)

  

(Instrumental)

Don’t speak so softly

I can’t hear you’re trying to say

It’s better this way

So I can love you even just for one more day

(Repeat Chorus 3X)

  

I never ever really wanna be right

Employ-not-meant

I think the only way for me to lease this problem & feel better is by doing a blog post about it. It's the only thing that doesn't talk back, & I seriously need some ears for the moment.

So yesterday I got a call from the company I applied in last week. It was actually, for a fresh graduate, a dream job for me; not only that the office is like five minutes from my house, it's also based in the medical field (I actually prefer jobs related to my course). I don't actually care about my salary, just having a job like this one can actually make me happy.

This week, I actually wake up earlier than my usual. Even though I sleep late, I always wake up at four or five in the morning. & the thing about that is, I don't even have something very important to do. I instantly start surfing the net to make an early blog post, & I even make a song whenever caffeine & creativity is kicking in too much.

So my final job interview was schedules at eight o'clock in the morning at their other office venue somewhere in Makati. & last night I was constantly preparing for it; I studied about tips on job interviews, reviewed some abstract test, put out my best corporate attire, & prayed to God for wisdom. I slept at around one o'clock. Seven hours until the interview.

That's when I made one big mistake.
  
I actually woke up at around three o'clock. It was still early & dark outside, & if I was going to sleep rather than a nap for bedtime, I would've been so sleepy in my interview especially in the examination. I decided to sleep for an hour or two just to catch up on my sleeping.

When I wake up, I looked straight to the window to find out that's it's now too bright outside. I quickly took a glance on my cellphone- it was 7:38 AM. It took me a moment to realize this is happening; I know I heard the alarm screaming at my ear & I know I was going to go out my bed after a minute. 'What just happened?'

I went out the bedroom & just sit there, eyes staring blankly, hands clumped together, praying for another chance to do it all over again & get out of bed even at three o'clock. It was too late. I browsed through my phone & texted my aunt for advice. It was really too late. This time I had no plan B to think of.

So now, I'm still stuck here in front of the computer ranting all these to you. But I actually thought about God & His plans for me. Even if this is actually a dream job for me, God is telling me there's a bigger place for me out there & I just need to search for it. These all happened for a reason, & I just need to appreciate the better things that will soon be coming straight at me. Have a great day everyone! Happy birthday to my very dear best friend, Karen Yap! I really miss her!

Recharging, Aldrinne

210th Song- Dancing By Myself

Dancing By Myself

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

I’m actually still falling

Cause of that I’m falling apart

Would you believe with little talks,

You captured my heart?

It’s cause you know me so well

If you feel being ‘round me again

You try to use your moves

That always make me insane

Everytime you’re here

You’re crowding up all my space

Until you left these tears on my face

Everytime I move on

You always play our old songs

If I come back, you tell me this is all wrong

(Chorus)

If I can have your power just to walk away

Then you’ll know my feeling ain’t a silly game to play

Altruism always have a limit on you

Dancing by myself is always killing my blues

Dancing by myself is always killing my blues

This is my own way for me to forget you

Never try to underestimate all my moves

Dancing by myself can change me too

All the lights are on me

They want to know if I’m hanging up

Can’t believe you’re calling for a night on the club

Talking into circles

We’re trying to converse

Don’t try to fool me with your lines that you rehearsed

Everytime you’re here

I’m always having these fears

You commit & just throw me out of here

Everytime I move back

You’re always playing forward

& you make me

Do efforts I can’t afford

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

Dancing by myself is always killing my blues

My hear is pounding

Eveytime I’m falling for you

I should avoid some troubles

By ignoring you

Dancing by myself will straighten me out soon

Dancing by myself

Dancing by myself

Dancing by myself is killing all my blues

(Repeat 2X)

(Repeat Chorus)

Past Fasting

If you've been keeping track of Lefty's Journal since 2007, you can actually see my not so famous (& my infamous) journey through the use of my own context. Just like everyone else, there will always be bumpy pavements along the way. Until we reach a certain point where we need to give up to rise up.

Just like my recent post days ago, there are certain people that you have to momentarily forget when you move forward & start anew. Those people were not completely the good guys in your story; they can be the villains who betrayed you, or your victims who fought back at you. In order to rise up, that would be basically one of the things you have to do.

So as I was saying, the journey I've been travelling now has never been better. Seriously. I can't say that I'm not having problems in some aspects of my life, but they're not that big of a deal like before. It was a learning experience for me- having to ride that roller coaster life. But I'm 100% sure I'm not riding that anymore. Rather than earn money & respect from people, I even lost everything I've ever built for myself. & now I really am appreciating being incognito from almost everyone I know in the past.

I'm happy with the trail that I chose. It wasn't easy to enter this 'life lane' but I worked hard for it. & when you're just about to close the gates of your past, this person shove into my serene life & tried to get what I didn't take in the first place.

I can accept anger with a reasonable defense from anyone. But I fight back to those who are being judgmental. & one of the things this person said to me that really flared me up is that I am a 'scammer'. Wow! I know a lot of scammers (per se, my *eherm*) who takes your money & run away with it, but never did I become a scammer. I don't need to explain the things that I already laid out to her, but all I can say is that the money she used to make a 'reservation' to that company, went to (you know it!) my controlling used-to-be upline whom I trusted so much before.

& sometimes scammers use fake names to people they've just met. & she was even my schoolmate in high school, plus I wasn't even the one who convinced her in the first place. & I do blame myself for bringing her there, for giving the money to my upline so I couldn't spend it, & for telling her the lies my upline is telling me. I was in a very complicated pedestal, but I still received that jabs she gave me that weren't mine to take in the first place.

Although I want to tell her the person who took her money, I'm just gonna be responsible & do the right thing, since I'm trying to become someone who blames himself no matter how minute his contribution to a mistake is. I don't want to make excuses anymore, & there's no point in hiding either (Just a quick search for my blog or social networking profile will immediately narrate all the details about me). I think I just pointed out the villain, the victim who actually turned into a villain, & me who was once her villain who became both his & her victim in the end. Boy do I always like to play the underdog...

Anyhow, I apologize for exceeding to my usual length blog post. I just miss being around you guys whom I can tell my explanations & complaints to. & I'm really thankful for the 'nangs' some co-bloggers of mine have given me this week. I just found out my 209th song, For Your Entertainment, was one of the featured popular posts in the last 24 hours in Nuffnang Innit! Not only that, it's also one of the posts that topped today in imcurtain.com. Despite of my current trifle, I really am appreciating all your comments, nangs & the time you guys have given me to check out my blog. I love you guys! :D

Fasting from the unimportant past, Aldrinne :D

209th Song- For Your Entertainment

Just to be clear to everyone, I've written this song just before I found out that its title was similar to Adam Lambert's single. But in his song, he actually talks about performing & partying stuff. Unlike mine, which is completely about being used, abused, or whatever drama the song has in store. But I really like the way it's sung, so you guys enjoy my 209th song! :)

For Your Entertainment

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

  

Broken hearted stay away

I don’t want to see you today

I’m tired of crying every night

I’m feeling alright

  

Can I ask ‘what did I do?’

We’re falling hard, that’s what I knew

Does this mean your love ain’t true?

Now I’m feeling blue

  

(Chorus)

This is what I get for giving everything

This is what I’m left

From risking it all

I played my part

Exposed my heart

Experimented

I fall apart

This is what I get

For your entertainment

  

Can you stop me from crying hard

Darkness ain’t helping so much

All I need is your voice tonight

Explaining to me

    

Would you please try to explain?

How you made me feel insane

I tried to bring the best of me

Contented, you’re not

(Repeat Chorus)

   

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus)

You took me in

Played with my feelings

Made me your sin

Destroyed everything

Forgot myself

& took care of you

& all I’m asking

Is your love too

For your entertainment

Sharpening My Sharing Skills

Hey everyone! Just wanted to serve you guys a platter full of updates & songs. I've been meaning to share the things that are happening in my world like what I'm doing before. But ever since I went on that internet dilemma, I think my sharing skills weren't sharpened enough anymore.. so... blame the hiatus!

Well, I actually needed that time off though. The last weeks of college before graduation was really tough, & I actually have to make time just to pass all my requirements before the deadline. 
  
I even remember going to my former school, Global City Innovative College, just to get my transcript of records. I went to my school to finally pass it (even if it's way over the deadline), just to find out I got a failing mark in my NCM 102, which I passed by the way. Again, I went over to G.C.I.C to fix it, waited for hours, then headed back to my school to pass my transcript before they close. What a crazy day it was! But then again, at least I finished them all... & even got my diploma. *Winks*
 

Anyways, I really want to reopen up something that is still very new to me- the capital E! That's right, employment. Being a fresh face in the working world without any experiences at all can have results which are stupendously predictable. Imagine passing a two-paged resume without anything there on that recent employment tab... now that sucks. Even when you know that you did great (or tried your very best) on your interview.
 
I mean, I'm not saying I'm competent enough to handle a job, but I just finished college & I think by now I already learned how to handle a difficult & risky problem. They say 'it's a different life out there!', but for me, I think it's just almost the same. Well, I don't know with you guys but I'm pretty sure I'm missing college & will be missing it more when do I get a real job.
 

Since we're talking about jobs now, I just wanted to express my deepest appreciation to all the vendors out there- those who sell from candies to condos, in small stalls or in huge stores, & anywhere in this world (That's actually a nice pun! Ha!). Ever since I experienced being a vendor in my aunt's yogurt station (which is, for me, can be the healthiest stall in this world lol) just to help her out (& to eat yummy free food lol), I was surprised just how tough it is to be flexible & to be really really patient to your costumers. Not to mention the smile I had to wear for an entire day. & I'm not really the type of person who greets everyone & explains everything to their questions, but I still did it for the sake of selling... & for my loving aunt.
 
Well, I really am enjoying helping out at her business. But I just wanted to say I'm inspired by those vendors who are waking up early in the morning everyday just to prepare, spending all day in their stalls or stores, doing the best they can just to have costumers, & still have the time for themselves &/or for their families. I salute you guys! *Smiles*
   
Anyways, I'm still waiting on that phone call about that company's test & that final interview. You know, I really wish they could've just told me straight to my face that I don't have what it takes to get that job in the first place, so I won't be really bothered waiting on their crappy news. lol. But I guess that's employment (negating much?! lol), & that's... life. God bless & take care everyone! Happy start of the week! :)

You know, about the sharpening the whole sharing skills thing... I think I just did, Aldrinne :D

208th Song- Changed All The Rules

Changed All The Rules

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

   

It’s pretty stupid cause I’m still waiting for

A perfect love song

A chance that will somehow make you

Fall in love again

   

But then again it’s time to wake myself up

Accept all the truth

There’s no one around to see me

& tell I was crying for you

  

& if you would feel this too

You’d know how I can’t lose you

You’re promised to come around

I should’ve controlled my heart

But then you changed all the rules

   

It’s pretty funny cause I made myself fall

& put up a wall

I thought our love is what you wanted all along

But then again I should remind myself

That you’re not so sure

If I could just read your mind

I’d bid you goodbye after all

  

But then again if you’d feel this too

This love I have inside I can’t undo

Crying all the time won’t change your mind

I think it’s time for me to fake a smile

Since you changed all the rules

  

It’s impossible, it’s unpredictable

The happy ending ended here

It’s supposed to make us grow

But why do you have to go?

Your love isn’t what I had fought

  

But then again if you’d feel this too

I decided to commit to you

You always say to me that I have changed

You walk away by a sudden rage

I still believe you’d fall again

Still believe I’m more than just a friend

Since you changed all the rules

207th Song- Loving & Everything (15th Album Title)

Loving & Everything

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

  

(Chorus)

Why these tears are coming out? (Repeat 4X)

   

It’s not your fault entirely

Apology ain’t necessary

But just this once I like to hear

Losing me’s one of your fears

  

Love is all I need to feel

Without a hindrance that appears

& it just grows when good come near

But you blame me when it isn’t here

(Repeat Chorus)

   

Ignoring won’t change what I feel

You’re the only one who’s real

Your lies are tempting you to leave me

Will freeing you will make you free?

(Repeat Chorus 2X)

   

Will bad things make you doubt

Your attempts won’t break me now

Don’t make your love fade away

I am begging you to stay

  

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus)

  

I surrender everything

Even my life & all my dreams

Your entity makes my heart beat

Why are you doing this to me?

Why are you doing this to me?

   

Why these tears are coming out?

Don’t just turn a different route

Come take my hand & take my being

Loving you is my everything

206th Song- Better

 Better 

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

   

(Chorus)

If I have stopped controlling you heart

Would it be? Could it be better?

If I pretend to be happy then

Would you be? Could you be better?

    

I’ve always believed you’d be happy

If I could just stop to be selfish

I know you would dream of a better life

Than dream of a life with just me

   

& it hurts that you can’t be someone

Someone who’d become without me

& it hurts that you don’t deserved

To be love by someone who’s below your goals

(Repeat Chorus)

   

I’ve always believe you’d become

Someone who’s success come from me

But then I would realized

That I’ll be the one who denies

  

& it hurts that I can’t be someone

Someone who would bring you the luck

I’m stuck in this averaged place

Where I am pulling you down, down, down

(Repeat Chorus)

  

& you sacrificed everything

Just to love me true

My love can’t compete with ‘ifs’

My love don’t compete with your ‘ifs’

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus 2X)

  

I know I can’t give you the world

But I promise to give you this heart of mine

205th Song- Thrice the Pain

Thrice the Pain

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

    

I never need some deepest lines

To say what’s going on your mind

But always think of this

Your pain, I can’t resist

   

So I’m working hard to bring you joy

I made you happy like a toy

But what can I do now,

If the cause of your pain is me?

     

(Chorus)

I never intended for myself to break your heart again

Cause everytime you dip into your pain

It always hurts me then

& I couldn’t even smile

Couldn’t ever try to give you strength or hand

If I hurt you

Remember, I’m always hit by thrice the pain again

   

It’s been three months when we became

One in front of everyone

I know that I could bring

The rain amidst the sun

  

I wish you’d say

At least we’re ‘kay

I don’t want our love to dive

Six feet on the ground

All because of me

(Repeat Chorus)

    

Everytime you cry

I’m always saying that I wished I’d die

Everytime you cry

I’m always saying I wished I’d tried

To stay away from you

Just to see you happy again

But I’m a selfish man

You’d probably knew it then

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Moment Memos

I've always thought that life is a slow process. Well, in the mundane parts of my life, it maybe is. But million moments & miracles do not show up in life all the time. They happen spontaneously, leaving a mark in my memory. & those moments were the days that I really live, giving me the conclusion that life is on its fast-paced lane.
  

& there are moments where I never really cared about anything. Moments where I slept the whole day. A moment where I got drunk for the first (& last) time with my friends & had my worst hangover in the morning. Moments where I slipped, fell, & stood up, only to find myself slipping again. Moments where I ventured in every direction without any particular destination. Moments where I cry with or without any reason. Moments where I caught myself doing good & bad things. Moments of my worst experiences. Moments where I made bad decisions of my life.
  
Those moments were rather a mess when I compare it with my glory days. They can be those moments which you can just forget just to pave way for the more important things. Sometimes they can bring you humor. But when I think about them, they were the moments that gave me the ability to differentiate true happiness from, just happiness.
   

Sure I had my moments where I never really cared about anything. Cause I was either dancing the night away, or dreaming good dreams in my sleep.
   
I had my moments where I slept the whole day. It's cause I was awake the whole night, spending time with my real families & friends. 
   
I had my moment where I got drunk with my friends & had my worst hangover in the morning. But I still felt really happy.
   
Moments of my downfall. & for that I regained my self-respect & able to stand up on my own, willing to do it again for the sake of learning.
   
Moments where I got nowhere else to go. & for that I inculcated my true directions in life... & beyond life.
   
I had my moments of crying. But after those sessions, I felt stronger.
   
Yes, I had my moments of pointing out my good & bad things. For that I built better qualities for my personality.
   
Moments of my bad experiences. They allowed me to distinguish what the good experiences are. 
   
Moments where I made some bad decisions of my life. & for that I learned how to decide, think before I make a decision, & evaluate their results.
   
It's actually your own point of view; life can either be fast or slow for you, & can either be good or bad. But one thing's for sure. Some moments, even when they aren't that any good, are still worth the pain.
   

Making a million memories, Aldrinne :_)

I Inspire Me

Bad things happen for a reason- to grow & learn from them. This is basically the best way for people to swerve back to their destined lane.

We always wanted to be in a good place, that's for sure. But to be in that good place, sometimes we have to lose or sacrifice some other things that we value. At times those lessons are not really that worth it. But you'll never know how much it'll help you someday.

You start to hate yourself more than the person who wronged you. Having constant thoughts about believing him/her in the first place, or about the things that you've probably might have done for this person to pull a stunt like that to you. You blame yourself for choosing the wrong decisions in life. & even when you fake a smile, at the end of the day, it's not just enough to remove that stain.

In the midst of your fall, you consult the people that might help you to regain your stance. They are the ones who have been truthful to you, gaining distance to the people who throws bad stuff at you. Those people will help you stand up... but I bet they're still not gonna make you get up.

Because, even when they try to help you, you'll never gonna be able to move forward... unless you help yourself to move. Cause even when people might tell you the things that you needed to do to become better, there's no other person whom you can cling to but yourself. Cause even when there's a lot of people who you can call your hero, there will always be you whom you can call your own. Don't be afraid to fail because only through failure do you learn to succeed.

I am my own hero. I am my own rock. I am my own best friend. I INSPIRE ME. Aldrinne :D

Past... Tense

When you move forward, there are a lot of things & people you get to leave behind. Not that it's not your fault nor you just don't like these people. It's just that moving on, no matter how slow or fast its pace is, is a transition where everything, whether important or mundane, must be restarted.
  
Sooner or later, you find yourself in a different environment. Doing the things you're not doing before. Having new sets of friends whom you fit into. Basically living the life in a new perspective. Until you reached the point where the old life was just a thing of the past.
  
Sometimes this new life of yours go back to the way it was back then, but all the time it gets to change a bit. & at the end of the way, you get to remember those people & things that were, before, the ones that revolve in your world.
  
& then at some random day, they show up again. & whether or not it feels good, one thing's for sure- you can never escape the past.
  

It is a small world after all, Aldrinne :D

Employment

'Welcome to the world of employment,' I told myself. Hey, if you have to enter a new phase in life, better to greet myself, right?
  

Things that have kept me really busy during the no internet dilemma was to apply in certain companies that offers a job that is related to my profession. I mean, there's still time to review for the boards & I don't wanna rush everything, so I choose to earn money first than waste my time bumming in my home.
  
Besides, I really want to have some work experiences. I really don't care much about the salary, just having to finish my course & really earning from the real work that you've done is enough for me. How can you enjoy the luxuries of life when you don't have any directions or friends, right?
  
Last Monday, I had my first job interview & a typing test which is a good experience for me. I just hated that I didn't receive any calls verifying that I got the job. Oh well, better luck next time I guess. They kinda hire people with work experiences, & I don't fit that quality.
  
Today, just after the 'media-inspired' elections, I have a second job interview at a health related company & I really wish I could get the job. The salary's not exactly a bed of roses, but it's a chance that I  must take so I could finally have something to put on my recent employment tab on my resume the next time I'm going to apply. *Smiles*
  
Kinda think of it, I kinda am more excited in this employment thing than my past networking business; sure you can earn really big & you get to control your working hours, but the truth is, I'm not really happy doing it. I have lost a lot of friends & the respect of my mom cause of that business, & money doesn't really make me happier either. Anyways, time to put all that to rest. I'm thankful I entered that kind of business though. Because of networking, I think I became a much better person... & I can sleep every night now. lol
  
Anyways, wish me luck on my interview today. God bless & take care everyone! :D
   

Employee of the Eternity, Aldrinne :D

Voting & Visiting

Told you I'm gonna be back as soon as you remember visiting this site. Okay... hello everyone! LJ functioning again in... three, two, one... Yey! :D

So, as you know, it's been four months since I really got serious about my blogging. It's not my fault in the first place cause there's this thing with our internet that made me M.I.A. on the virtual beach. But I didn't give up on fixing it since I have commitment issues with my Lefty's, so when I plugged our newest internet connection, I immediately started blogging again.

Anyways, aside from having internet again, today was a really adventurous day for the family... minus my little brother. First, we went to a nearby public school where we were assigned to vote. It was a really really hot day & it got worst when we saw the long line of people before us waiting to vote. So my mom kinda made a scene & walked out. We headed for lunch, but we decided to go back cause my mom really wants us to experience the voting thing.

So after the elections, we went straight to my 'lolo uncle's' house just to pay him a visit. He actually has a stage four colon cancer, & I really am devastated about it. Although he's ill, I'm just glad he could still have the energy like a normal adult & I think he can actually recover amidst the severity of his illness. Hope you guys would pray for him as well.

We had a good time at his house. But my attention was mostly fixed on the election news... but still I had a good time. :)

Anyways, I'm back for good! Just wait for my May banner which is coming up soon! I'll try to update you guys more, okay? I miss everyone! God bless & take care everyone! :)

Good times, Aldrinne :D

LJ Break

General Douglas even told us that he shall be returning... LJ is doing the same. He's taking a short little LJ break in the blogging business. Promise! :)

  

Will be back soon, Aldrinne :D

Walking on Sunshine

So I'm actually tired of apologizing for not updating my blog everytime I make a post. So I posted some of my new songs like I promised. *Smiles*

Anyways, our internet connection actually had a kidney failure or something. We subscribed to another internet company but turns out it's actually slow as a turtle (no offense to turtle-lovers out there though). If ever there will come a day where it'll get running like before, then no more internet-condemnation, I promise.

However, there are certain things in life that needed to go slow. For me, you don't have to rush life too much to a point that you're beginning to hate it. It's more enjoyable to slow down a bit, becoming a turtle & appreciating life the way it should be.

Just like learning how to play a guitar or writing some songs or even enjoying a vacation with your cute little cousins, you create more moments when you ride the waves on a mundane speed.

Appreciate life by walking. You'll never know what good things might appear... God bless & take care everyone. More songs & 'blupdates' here in LJ. :D

Setting altruism to the third bar, Aldrinne :D

204th Song- Love Stays Right Here

Love Stays Right Here

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

  

I couldn’t believe

It’s another year

Some friends leave

& others are here

Emotions were leased

Put out all my tears

Secrets are found

To answer to your doubts

(Instrumental)

Started a life

Follow what’s right

Put up a wall

Started to fall

Problems at peek

Brought down to my knees

Respect was redeemed

Changes appear

(Chorus)

But my love stays right here

Made to fight my fears

Designed to bring me near

To you, I submit

Gained some of my strength

Weakness amends

Promises break

Changed our faith

Decisions are made

Time cannot wait

Impairments of grace

Perfections erased

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

I couldn’t believe

It’s another year

You bid your goodbye

I couldn’t ask why

Goals are achieved

Tried harder to live

I still exist

So I’m going to sing

(Repeat Chorus 3X)

My love stays right here

My love stays right here

My love stays right here

My love stays right here

My love still remains unchanged

203rd Song- Runner

Runner

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

   

Memories may fade away

So I am saving all the things that you would say

Cause this time will never stay

So let’s pretend everything remains

Like that day when I first saw your face

Or the time you said your love won’t fade

When we grow up & act like we’re adults

I know our love together has no faults

(Chorus)

Maybe we’ll stay in love forever

Or say the word goodbye

At least it’s worth a try

But honestly, I’m betting on my future

We’ll have to stick together

You’ll always be my runner

You’re always first on the line

Though you don’t know

I’m on your control

& I’m not complaining cause it’s why I’m born

Recently, I wished you’d talked to me

That our love is more than complex but it’s real

You cast away the storm & brought the sun

It’s like I’m living in the dark but now I’m found

Like the waves, you hit me in the heart

I’ll cross the seas to make this feeling won’t stop

(Repeat Chorus)

Can’t predict the future, I’m afraid

Just tell me you’ll be there & that you’ll never fade

But it’s alright when things don’t go my way

Maybe next time I’ll hit the target when I play

(Chorus)

Maybe we’ll stay in love but suffer

The rumors spread like thunder

At least I’m on your side

Lately, I wish this love would linger

Together fire & water

There’s this you’d conquer

I know you’re first on the line

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus)

202nd- Made For You

Made For You

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

  

You’re the only water

To remove this fire

You’re the only sunlight

That surpassed my night

& I can’t believe that

That you have loved me back

Your résumé seems good & I’m eyeing you

  

& in this group of people, there was only me

I’m considered special & the lazy bee

  

Still I can’t believe that

You still love me for that

You’re résumé seems good & I’m eyeing you

  

(Chorus)

Cause you’re the only one who’s fitted for this job

I’m the one who needs control

& amidst these people, you have picked a person

That is mentally unstable

I’m made just for you

I’m made just for you

Made just for you

  

I’m probably the worst fighter

Who can take you down

But you’ll be my buffer

When I have to suffer

Still I can’t believe that

That you have loved me back

You’re the only one who stays when they turn their backs

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

I’m made just for you (Repeat 2x)

I’m the wanted criminal

I’m so predictable

I’m the worst type of person

But I’m thankful that you are here

To be my eyes & ears

Can’t you see I’m made for you?

I’m made for you

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

  

I’m made for you

Made for you

201st Song- What About Me

What About Me

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

I get that you’re busy

No need for you to say you’re sorry

Even I can’t control time

I know that you love me

& baby I know that you are worried

So please don’t you vent this out on me

(But)

(Chorus)

What about our plans?

What about your promise?

What about the time?

Am I expecting for nothing?

& what about out love?

What about our story?

What about our faith, our space, our dates?

Why can’t you see?

What about me?

  

I know that I’m needy

You don’t prioritize me

Sometimes I couldn’t take it anymore

I should be demanding

But you always laugh & ignore me

It’s like you do not take me seriously

(So)

(Repeat Chorus)

I know you’re sad that you’re not here

You ain’t beside me

The only reason I’m complaining

Is that you’re enjoying

While I’m not around

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Maturity 102

View Maturity 101

   
I've always been asking myself whenever I think about the big & little things I've done in my life; was it always a mature thing to do or to decide?

Maturity, for me, is something I've incorporated with one's physique; if you turn thirteen & you notice some body changes in you, that's where you become mature. Of course, handling big responsibilities & appropriate conversations make you one too, but you suddenly think these are all in one area of your life only.

So how would one become wholly mature?

I've recently been praying to God that He would help me become mature. Not just in one part of my life, but to all the factors that contribute to my holistic being. It's not that I don't like being childish, I just wanted to act & look the best that I can considering I'm already becoming an adult. & becoming one requires sticking to the best decisions for your life.

An example I really want to point out is when Noynoy Aquino spent some time to himself to decide on whether to run for president in our country or not. Almost all the people who are close to him influenced him, & being president is a big, big responsibility that really requires a lot of thinking.

My point is, maturity requires time. In every big & little decisions you got to face, if you're mature you need not to rush time. Of course there will always be bad decisions (which is why I made this blog post), but if you're mature enough, accepting defeat & fixing the problem would earn you maturity points, even when people think you're childish enough to make a bad decision in the first place. Don't fret cause you're the only critic of your own life anyway.

Holding your silence, even when people might accuse you to their meanest gossips & tribulation, is something that, for me, makes you a mature person. I think it's the best way to shut those judgmental people's mouth, showing that you're not even slightly affected to the accusations you were not a part of. You know what they say, silence is golden.

We're not really perfect people, & sometimes life requires you to go through hell just to learn something. It doesn't mean that when you grow old, you become mature. There's a difference. I know I will always think about or do childish things, even when you know & believe that even just for a little you're mature in all aspects of your life. Whoever said we're not childish in nature in the first place anyways? 

Good times, Aldrinne :D