Psssttt! Hey You!

Yes you! The one checking out my profile! Haven't you heard? You're part of my blog? Yup! so try & visit it! ^^

<Don't mind the crazy parts aryt?>

                                             -iLAN-

Everything is Better Than Before!

To those people who made me what I am today- Thank you for shaping the real Allan. I like to believe that I, myself am a product (iAllan) & all of you guys are the reason why I keep myself changing for the better. It doesn't really matter if you're the good or the bad guy in my story, I don't even care if I was the bad guy in your's. The thing is, what you have done really made a big impact in my life. Because of you people, I became a good, loving, caring, & an honest person. Because of you, life became very hard- the reason why I became strong. Because of you, I learned to become a person.

To God- I know you already know what I will write, because You are the only one who knows me in & out. Thank you is not enough to give back everything that you have given, but You said all we need to do is to follow & obey You. & even though sometimes we don't do the way the way that You have told us, You still give us something we need. Thank you, thank you, thank you God. ~~I love you more than you'll ever know~~ Actually, you do know. Thank you God for accepting me here in friendster as one of Your soldiers. ^^

Happy Holidays to everyone!

Everything will be better than before!

Everything is better than before! ^^

Pretending to be Busy

It's quite funny how people say they're so busy, but they actually do nothing. I do that, telling people I'm occupied with tons of school works but when I think about it, I do have a lot of free time! Wow! It's been a long time since I last posted something here. I also didn't get a chance to upload some music I've been listening lately. Anyways, I'll be having my Prelims in Monday so wish me luck, cause I'm really not that paying attention to some of the subjects (Let's just say my Christmas spirit started so early), but I'll really study hard tomorrow. I'm just really really tired from school, but I can't sleep. I think it's also because of the chocolates I had a while ago.

No dramas for today. Though I'm freaking tired, I still am happy. But I do need some doses of Hale & Maroon 5 to make my day more complete. =)

<Starting to make a new profile design for Christmas>

Confessions of a Hopeless Person

Good morning everyone!


Guess what? I couldn't sleep again... it must've been this thing I'm feeling right now, or maybe just the green tea frap. lol


Anyways, just to be different, I'm feeling kinda happy today. I don't know if it's the song 'Bubbly' which keeps me from feeling great.


You see, I first thought that I was hopeless from everything... but something is changing... is it because of the weather?


I should've been very tired right now since school has started again... it was a little pain in the ass, but hey! I miss studying :)


I still have many answers to seek & time to grow... I'm just holding on... I will hold on, you see.
Thank You God for a beautiful day (though I have BioChem today)

STOP

At this moment, I would appreciate if everything would just stop...


To those people who really know how to express their anger- STOP shouting!


To those who give "friendly" advices that humiliates people- STOP backstabbing!


To those who has other people's personality- STOP pretending!


To the people who can't keep their mouth shut- STOP talking!


For those who cannot keep their promises & keep assuring people they will try their best to keep it- STOP lying!


To those who seem to see the real beauty of the world but has no time to look into the mirror- STOP judging!


To those who love to be someone else & envy other people- STOP comparing!


To the people who can't seem to be contented to one lover- STOP cheating!


*If you need a shoulder than a critic, then*


To the people who think their lives are full of crap- STOP believing!


To everyone who just need to take it slow & relax- STOP working!


For those who seem to be in a wrong path- STOP walking!


For those who are being pushed & pressured by people, let themselves be victims of false fate & can't stand up from everything- STOP falling!


For those who just need time to close their eyes & be separated from reality- STOP thinking!


To people who just need to cry- STOP fake-smiling!


To everyone else- STOP... just stop it... 

You Don't Get to Judge Me

You can tell me you're dissapointed


You can tell me you're angry at me


You can even rub it on my face


But you don't get to judge me, & you have no right to tell me things based on what you can see, because you don't even know me... you didn't even have the slightest chance to know me, so don't tell me who I am... because I, too, am confused.


I just hate it when people throw something negative even when it isn't true.

*Breathe* I'm just so angry today... but I shoudn't...

3:24AM Thoughts

I don't know if I'm the only one who thinks about this... actually, I don't even know what to think...


I'm just tired of everything from this moment. I keep wondering how I end up here- sitting in front of my computer, alone... after all the things I asked to myself. Why can't I be someone else? No... How did I become like this? I don't even know the person I am now, & the hardest part is, I am not pretending... or am I?


There's so much things revolving in my mind right now, but I feel so blank. I don't have any problems, but its as if I am carrying the whole world.


I should've become a better person... but I should be this person right now to be someone I want. At first, I blame destiny & the rest of the people for my fate... but kinda think of it, I guess your own desicions are the cause of what you are & have right now, destiny & those people just... just...


I can't cry, but I can't be happy either... I feel so fulfilled, yet empty... I feel I have won something, but I keep losing everything. Is this just a stage? Because it really gives me a fright, & I keep worrying I might kill myself.


I do need God, I do need love, I do need something that will fill my humanity, & I have them, I just can't feel it... I really can't.


I don't understand myself... & the rest of the world. & why do I even sob... I know I am contented... I think... am I searching for something more? I don't know... I honestly don't know.


What should I do now? Go to bed, wake up, prepare for the day, watch tv, talk to people, meet new people, eat, sleep, & wake up again? It's just keep going... I'm getting tired... very tired. What is my purpose? I know serving the Lord is one... but what is my PURPOSE?


I do need God, I do need love, I do need a purpose... I have God, I have love, I have a purpose... I do need God, I do need love, I do need a purpose... I have... nothing for now.


Tears are now forming in my eyes, but I can't cry... wait.


What is it with life anyway? Can I just dissapear for now?


I want to dissapear...


I just want to have something.

A Funny Letter

Funny how life gives you something good, then takes it all away. That we have to be substitutes of someone to feel good, not knowing that we just fulfill someone's time & waste our's. How our eyes met at a constant distance & you don't care one thing about it. How strong we can be together, & weak if it gets longer. How bearable to say I love you & how hard it can be. How I keep wondering the long & hard journey to find a replica of you thinking that I might hurt you even when I'm hurting myself. How long my body stays longer, & my heart isn't. How I think it's almost over, but truly it's just the start. How low a man can be chasing over somebody who is not for him. How loving is so easy, but hard to be loved. How today feels like yesterday. How lucky I am to meet you & unlucky I am to lose you. How there's so much I wanted to tell you, but there's so little time. MUCH have been said, & now I'm losing control & you are the only one who can change me back, with you as me & me as you. I gave the best I could, but I guess it's not enough for you. I longed for someone who will make me perfect (Even though perfection is next to social suicide), but chances are I'll end up losing everybody that surrounds me. The feeling kept me awake & very strong, but the reality made me weak, so weak than I could ever imagine. I become a stray, & it wasn't my intention to disturb you, I just hope that we can somehow, in an alternate universe, be more than friends, cause when I'm seeing you with somebody, it really impairs. I've got to set my priorities, but how can I ever straighten it when I have no chance to reconcile with you? No chance I presumed. I just hope for a day when you'll come to my door, not expecting you to say you'll try to love me. Funny how this message came from a human like me, who never wants anything but you. Funny how I seemed to lose hope to have you. Funny how this ends, very funny & at the same time, very sad...