SchizOrange

That 30 hour-need of wakefulness really took a lot from me. That did not bother me at all cause obviously, I should've been used to my abnormal sleeping pattern. The thing, however, that sticked to my mind throughout the whole day was finding out I have schizophrenia. *Ambivalent smirk*

I'm not really certain though cause, first of all, I only sensed I have it since my Audit speaker/ mentor Mr. Rod explained the meaning behind my favorite color, which is orange. That actually explains why he defined orange last before the second set of our post examination awhile ago.

Second reason why I'm not sure was because nobody actually diagnosed it other than me. I know most of the data are collected from what the client feels or verbalizes, but it seems like diagnosing myself rather than assessing doesn't make me an expert of psychotic studies.

But you know what, 96% of me is sure enough that I have schizophrenia after all. I constantly worry about this until I woke up from my nap at eleven o'clock in the evening. So, after everyone else was asleep, I began researching about schizophrenia.

So you might be thinking what the heck is schizophrenia right now. You may have heard that term before, but we're actually not sure what that means. I thought schizophrenia was like constant seizure activities because of brain concussions or damage. It's actually a mental disorder that are characterized by abnormalities in the perception or expression of reality.

I hate to admit it, but when I've read about the 'Schiz'; the causes, reasons & different managements etc., it was as if all the puzzles fit in, but I'm more of a schizotypal personality disorder kind of guy.

It's blasphemy to tell I have this neural disorder in such an early age, but come to think of it, the range of having SPD starts normally at the age of 15 & upto 25, & I'm actually at the right age where the onset usually starts.

I also tend to isolate myself from all the people during classes (even though I'm doing it on purpose). I might've inherited it from my parents, or may have experienced negativities in life too much like rejection of trauma or may have anxiety or inappropriate coping mechanisms.

So having SPD doesn't mean I couldn't act normal. I mean, I know I'm not mentally well as a person, but that doesn't change the fact that I can't continue doing what I do before. It's just a part of me to think that life is more than just reality sometimes. & besides, I get all my creativity in writing songs & stories by this disorder too. But when this thing really does exists in me & that it's causing me & all the people I love some problems, then I would be happy to follow treatment measures.

Anyways, Prelim grades were also distributed yesterday after we were dismissed. Guess what? Most of our class, cluster 11, haven't made a good impression in the first period of Course Audit. I really tried to shut myself up cause I know it'll be harder for them if they know that I passed even when they see me in my chair sometimes obviously not listening to some topics that are being discussed again, especially in the preliminary exam week where I didn't even study for the exam itself.

However, I still believe we would all pass our Audit subject in the end, let's just give our best shot & push more effort in grooving on for the Midterms, alright? Just remember that maintaining a positive attitude while taking the exams is really important so you can ace it! Congratulations to my mom & Anne Gray too; I really appreciate both their determination in doing a fine job. You could really tell they're seriousness when it comes to becoming nurses in the future!

I just want to deliver some news about the people I recently mentioned in LJ so you guys could add them in your prayers. My best friend Celine Leonardo, who is scheduled to have a job interview on July 30 is having intermittent fever again due to her previous flu. I wish you guys could add her in your prayers, especially Dustin K., who have had his brain surgery three days ago & is still in a coma state until now. His mom tweeted something about him experiencing small heart attacks & spasms, so I wish it would signify as normal responses to wake up soon.

I guess I might end it here; I already killed almost three hours just by typing this post. It's actually rest day for some of the students like me because of our president's last State Of the Nation Address scheduled today. Let's just pray it'll go smoothly though.

I apologize (again!) for not approving all your comments. I still have 1,800 comments to go & last night I decided to delete them. Sorry if one of them was yours, but I promise to approve your new comments again! I'll be publishing my new blog page today about collaborations & advertisements so you'll hear a lot from me today. God bless & good morning!

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne :D