When I was in my sophomore highschool years, I've never really been the optimistic kid to myself... & the most popular too, & when I remembered all that happened in my freshmen year, I couldn't help but realized I'm pretty much alone. That year, I came to a conclusion that I can finish this year just by having one friend that will always guide me along the way, which is God. It sounds 'religionally-absurd' but it helped me out by being lonely. It's not really an excuse to feel better because I know God has always been there for me, but somehow, in this world, what you really need is someone who you can see & talk back at you when you say something, but still being innocent in those years made me realized I don't need somebody to depend on. Now that I'm in my junior college years, the very last thing that I wanted to have is be alone. Considering I have many friends right now (I think), it's still been very hard for me not to feel it. It's good to have some company, but expectations are alot greater than just by hanging out with them... it's just not enough for me. Maybe all I want is something for me to prove that they're gonna be there when I really need them, because I was there when they need someone. All I need is something that can erase all this crappy thoughts about this people that I care so much about. All I want is something that will give me a reason to continue living my life like this. It's either that or I'm just really lonely & I see reality as a black hole.
I know I'm not the only one who has problems & questions so I'm saving myself to the benefit of the doubt & try to go back to the things I'm dealing right now. Lately I've never been Mr. Sunshine & watching One Tree Hill keeps me occupied in my studies, but right now, I just wanna stay focus & finish this thing fast & enjoy it every once in awhile. Without further ado, let's just close this one up.
God bless & take care everyone. Let's have a refreshing start with this week until the ver end.
Lots of x's & o's LAN
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