Although I’m certain about me having good qualities, I also have these sets of… you can say ‘talents’ that I am not quite good at. One of these was defense.
Trust in Rust
The continuing aversion against me stealing something valuable is getting stronger. I have no idea what to do or how to look for it, because I’m not the culprit- simple as that. I just can’t go into circles defending myself, not because I’m also not that good of it, but because I’m not gonna continue wasting my time telling her I’m not the one who stole it over & over again. It’s pretty damn tiring, annoying, & depressing that all I have to do is look at her saying I didn’t do it without any strong alibis. If I did steal it, I would have the heart to tell in front of this person’s face that I did it. You don’t know how much I’m hurting from all this pin pointing, am I that horrible to take something precious away from someone I really care for?
I apologize for all the things I’ve done wrong in my entire life, but to this I will never say sorry nor beg for forgiveness because I’m not the one who’ve done it. All I could ever say was that, period. I don’t want to push myself into thinking maybe I did steal it because of the building blame that is getting worst already.
I’m not that good at defense, but I’m certain I’m much terrible at stealing. Just keep blaming me so in the end of all this, when the culprit emerged from somewhere to give her precious thing & guilt back, I would never even say a word like ‘I told you so’. I’ll just keep being silent, torturing your guilty mind. I now forgive you for blaming me for it; I know the feeling of losing something too. However, I would really have a hard time forgiving you for not trusting me even though I’m the only person you should bestow your reliance with. I could comfort you in times like this but you chose to let me be the suspect, & for that, I already have the intuition that I have failed you, not the other way around.
Chew on that.
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