This year's March have proven a lot when I pronounced that it will all be centered to music & mayhems... it actually did. I've composed a bunch of positive songs this month & reviving... or should I say finishing what those ancient compositions I've left before. Let's just say in the process of faking it, there was a positive atmosphere that gave me hope to write something about. Another was mayhems! It actually was the most dangerous month of my year- it's like everything is set to fail & I was in the brink of my faith to alternate it. Somehow I managed to pass through all that, although I'm still in the process of getting my life back to normal again.
I was pretty upset the past few weeks because I actually blamed a lot of people for the things I've messed up. I've always thought that I should probably start thinking for myself once in awhile & not for anyone, but tell you what, I've always been thinking for myself & not for anyone anymore. It's kinda sad that I was blaming other people for not helping me out in my situation but it turns out I should be the one who's responsible for my life, for my own actions & not them. I really feel guilty about it & I really intend to make up for everything this summer. Especially to my studies- it's time for me to straighten things up again & try & changed my life back to normal.
I've been drinking & lying lately, & I just can't take it anymore. I've always denied the fact that somehow, I have changed, & gave out an "I've just added some few personalities" excuses. However, if you think about it, I really did change. Well, I can say that change is the only constant thing in the world, but I still feel awful from the way I turned out.
So before I set myself into the old Allan again (& hopefully, I will be accomplished), I'd better go take a break & hibernate before summer classes start. 'Till then guys... have a great summer! :)
Signing off, iLAN
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