Test of Faith & Over-helping

Hey guys, just having some thoughts about what's happening throughout this month. As usual, you don't call it life for nothing; there were some old & new happenings, a test of faith, realizations, mistakes, losses, & everything else. All are going so fast I couldn't even focus unto where I was standing.


Even though I complain too much (I guess) by means of blogging but tend to shut my mouth when it comes to matters that involve a part of me, I realized I'm not good enough to anticipate the problems that currently stress me out. I think it's beyond what I've experienced before & my regular coping mechanisms aren't working well anymore.


It all falls down into two things- I guess God must be testing my faith big time, or I have this thing where I do things that become wrong in the end, even though my intentions are really just to help. Let me elaborate my concerns...


I don't blame God for everything. I did ask Him why so many bad things are happening to me, but I never really created aversion towards God since He knows what's best for me & for everybody. This isn't actually a question hanging on my mind, since I have a wisdom about faith, commitment & everything; I know God gives & provides everything when we ask Him, but following Him amidst the tribulation I'm gaining is part of my genuine faith & unlimited commitment... & it's not an easy task.


I know as a Christian, we must set some good examples towards the people who need God as we build up our relationship with Him, but as I look upon those Christians who have more than what they've asked for, I keep asking God if it's a little bit too much that I couldn't handle already. 
Yes, I know He doesn't give us what we couldn't handle & that I'm being materialistic on my part, but sometimes holding on can be a little bit tough. I mean, it's like beyond test already... No matter how I try to be good, it's like more bad things are happening. I guess I'm missing something here & I need to find out what God is really telling me.


Sometimes I tend to over-help (I couldn't think of any words lol) & almost all the results of my good deeds turn into a disaster. For instance, I voluntarily cleaned the keys in my laptop & ended up destroying it or the time I wanted to make a friend happy by making some people show their support & ended up making my friend angry.It just shows that I'm overdoing it already. So one thing I learned through all these is that I have to make some distance from saying yes & helping people. I know it's bad but sometimes you just have to think of yourself once in awhile. Helping too much can be a lot of waste in your efforts...


Although roses have thorns, I also have to consider that thorns have roses too. I guess I need to direct myself towards optimism & maybe finally get to solve all my problems. I need help to make these all go away, while I still hold on to my faith...


You'll never know exactly where you'll end up... so I'll keep walking with blind faith.

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne :D