Glitches

Everytime I stand up, there's always a reason why we have to fall down. & it's impossible to get through without a fight, but then again, even in those darkest times... true friends appear.

To be perfectly honest, I haven't been feeling like the old me again- it was much more serene as it was before everything was destroyed; an empire whom others took credit for. I kept silent, but they were complaining.

In the end, when I was almost rising up with my downlines, they gave up. I gave up too, cause it wasn't what we wanted all along.

I told Mafe last night that even when I turn thirty years old, I know I'm never gonna regret anything I've done throughout my entire life. I didn't actually lie... it's more like an epiphany just now- it must've been better if I rejected his offer to come with him that day... to get a 'part time job' that wouldn't affect both our schedules.

That changes everything.

Some of the things I wish didn't happen was involuntarily destroying my friendship with the people who once respected me. I admit, I learned from all that stuff, but it's not really worth losing a lot (I mean, a lot!) of friends. & even when I try to make it all okay, it was a permanent scar... & I know you know that feeling of losing someone so important that was like death already.

There's so much I wanted to try & give it all back, but I couldn't... no thanks to someone whose promises just went in his pockets.

& even though the Lord forgets all my sins, I cannot just remove the dead heart I've been carrying for months now. I asked myself today "Why?" I wanted to undo these parts of my life... wanted to erase it completely, but things are involved... things are permanently scarred.

I'm just really, really lucky I still got the true friends who sheltered my reputation as long as I can remember. I still have the family that gave me the push when I needed one; those angels I constantly am thinking about in C.H.I.L.D.; God who created me not to boast about His powers but created me out of His great love for me; & of course, you bloggers & readers who have been constantly supporting me through dealing with my happiness & pain here.

Even though I want to make myself happy now, well, I couldn't really comprehend my emotions this time... but I'm thankful that this part of life is temporary & that there will be a bigger & better life that's waiting for me on the other side of this huge mountain. I appreciate Miley's song now.

Good night & have a great dream-venture everyone! I seriously love you! See you in the morning.

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne