213th Song- What You've Done

What You’ve Done

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

   

(Chorus)

Look at what you’ve done to me

Don’t be proud in what you’ll see

I’m talking ‘bout this pain I feel

Don’t be alarm for this is real

   

I want to ask

Why it’s not enough

You see, I gave my all

Let myself fall

If it’s too hard for you to feel

I know that you can see

The wrong things you have given me

While I give the things that you need

(Repeat Chorus)

  

For this is real (Repeat 2X)

You really don’t need me here

So it’s enough to set me free

Cause all the pain that you are giving me

It’s enough for me to bleed

(Repeat Chorus)

  

I wish I could go back in time

& undo all the things we left behind

We can just fall in love

But you chose to fall apart

But you chose to fall apart

But you chose to fall apart

(Repeat Chorus 2X)

  

What you’ve done is real

(Repeat 3X)

212th Song- You Wouldn't Know

You Wouldn’t Know

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

   

Everyday there’s a possibility

Of you falling in love with me

Though if I ask you

You would always say ‘maybe’

   

We always say that we should take it slow

& in the process I gave my all

The saddest thing about it was

You grew tried to fall

  

(Chorus)

I just can’t believe

You’ve given up on me

It’s never wrong cause

You wouldn’t know

I can’t help but think

You bid hello to leave

Love’s never wrong cause

You wouldn’t know

  

It’s me & my stupidity

Who’s always there for you to feel

Be loved, be treated like 

Someone with royalty

   

I thought it’s just the way you act

But I feel you’re not coming back

I’ve put up with your endeavors

Still you can’t feel

(Repeat Chorus)

  

(You wouldn’t know)

You’re narrow-minded when it comes to love

I thought we’re happy while we are growing up

I’ve always thought you were the one

But you wouldn’t know

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus 2X)

Employ-Meant After All

Click here for the previous post :)

Hey everyone! So I'm going to tell you a little plan that I devised to really get the job I was talking about yesterday. Even though this Plan B might be a little risky at first, because of the fact that the company I applied into has no office hours during the weekends, I still pulled it off in the end. & you know what, I think what I did today was more than what I have expected for myself.

So you guys knew about my dilemma about waking up thirty minutes before the scheduled exams & interview yesterday. It really got me devastated & then I inculcated about God having other big plans for me so I'm just gonna let go of this one & move on. I wasn't really prepared as well, so it might be better to miss it in the first place than to pull off a suicide stunt.

But as I was curling up to my bed, regressing, I thought about what a blogger in Nuffnang told me- it's better to be late & try it than not trying it at all. That really got me asking to myself. You see, even though I'm sure God has a plan for me, is missing out the interview & exam really means that God has another company set out for me? Or He just want me to get another chance to 'really' study hard & 'really' prepare for it?

I've thought it for a moment. A really long moment though. When I woke up & saw how much encouragement & support my mom, my super dad, my aunt & my grandmother were giving me, I decided to went over there tomorrow, Saturday morning, earlier than eight o'clock & completely furnished & ready. There was this spark of hope, although too little to be seen & felt, that built my optimism up from eight percent to eighty.

So last night, when I finished blogging & all that, I started to go through the sites talking about successfully getting the job & some interview tips. To my surprise, almost all the things that I've read  there didn't occur to me when I was applying for a job in the previous company. From the appropriate outfit up until the answers to the common job interview questions, I was completely dumbfounded by these realizations. It wasn't easy at all, I thought. I also took the time to deeply study the company from the products & services that they were offering, to the company's mission, vision & history.

I woke up at around three o'clock in the morning, only having two hours of sleep. & I began to rehash all the things that needed to be done for the interview & exam. It was risky, cause even when I want them to know that I do know that it'll be scheduled today & not yesterday by just showing up, I don't have any assurance that the office there was operating on weekends.

I still went straight there, & to my surprise... it was empty. No one was there but a guard & the maintenance team. It was seven o'clock in the morning, but I still waited for someone there to show up & give me the test & the interview. & an hour passed still no sign of employees there. I was kinda falling asleep on my chair, & I didn't even have a heavy breakfast & water to ease my insides. I prayed to God once again... & boy am I glad to see all these people coming in.

The people in that company were all nice; they actually treated me as if they're the ones who needs to get interviewed. I still felt jittery, but it wasn't out of nervousness, but because I was just hungry. & in the end, I even got a thumbs up on my exam & some compliments from the interviewer herself. The plan was a success, & I'm lucky enough to pass them all even when my chances were really that small.

So now I'm scheduled for the final interview in my real office, the one when I will be working in, on whenever the interviewer has decided. & I really want to thank my family for the encouragement & the push, to God who never fails to impress me (I love you!), & to my fellow bloggers as well who did not just cheered me up throughout the entire time I was devastated, but also for giving me the advice & the inspiration just like my real & true friends are giving. Have a blessed day everyone! I'm gonna go eat dinner now! :)

There will always be glimpses of hope, Aldrinne :D

211th Song- Right

 This song that I wrote has a concept of 'if being wrong is the only way for you to come back, then I don't want to be right.' Well, something like that. It's kinda ironic, cause I'm writing a song entitled 'Right' since I'm a lefty myself (isn't it obvious?) lol.

Okay, just wanna thank those bloggers awhile ago who have been cheering me up from the 'incident' awhile ago. I just took a very long nap & I feel slightly recharged. & to those bloggers who have been encouraging me to sing my song on Youtube, I'm fifty percent reconsidering it now lol. It's a start, right? Thank you everyone! Here's the lyrics of Right! :D

   

Right

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Don’t speak so softly

I can’t hear what you’re trying to say

I see you now shouting

It seems I just can’t understand

  

Maybe I don’t wanna hear it

Maybe I just couldn’t take it so good

I wish my hunch is just a mistake

Cause baby, my feelings, I cannot fake

  

(Chorus)

But you made me realize

That in the end I was right

After some time

You bid your goodbye

But baby, I’ve to deny

All those reasons why

You have to leave me here

I never ever really wanna be right

Please take a moment

You don’t have to see who’s involved in

You’ve knocked on my door now

There’s no going back from me now

Cause maybe I found love, it’s in you

Maybe with you, I’m feeling so good

I know what you want me to do

Call me a fool, but I just can’t undo

(Repeat Chorus)

  

(Instrumental)

Don’t speak so softly

I can’t hear you’re trying to say

It’s better this way

So I can love you even just for one more day

(Repeat Chorus 3X)

  

I never ever really wanna be right

Employ-not-meant

I think the only way for me to lease this problem & feel better is by doing a blog post about it. It's the only thing that doesn't talk back, & I seriously need some ears for the moment.

So yesterday I got a call from the company I applied in last week. It was actually, for a fresh graduate, a dream job for me; not only that the office is like five minutes from my house, it's also based in the medical field (I actually prefer jobs related to my course). I don't actually care about my salary, just having a job like this one can actually make me happy.

This week, I actually wake up earlier than my usual. Even though I sleep late, I always wake up at four or five in the morning. & the thing about that is, I don't even have something very important to do. I instantly start surfing the net to make an early blog post, & I even make a song whenever caffeine & creativity is kicking in too much.

So my final job interview was schedules at eight o'clock in the morning at their other office venue somewhere in Makati. & last night I was constantly preparing for it; I studied about tips on job interviews, reviewed some abstract test, put out my best corporate attire, & prayed to God for wisdom. I slept at around one o'clock. Seven hours until the interview.

That's when I made one big mistake.
  
I actually woke up at around three o'clock. It was still early & dark outside, & if I was going to sleep rather than a nap for bedtime, I would've been so sleepy in my interview especially in the examination. I decided to sleep for an hour or two just to catch up on my sleeping.

When I wake up, I looked straight to the window to find out that's it's now too bright outside. I quickly took a glance on my cellphone- it was 7:38 AM. It took me a moment to realize this is happening; I know I heard the alarm screaming at my ear & I know I was going to go out my bed after a minute. 'What just happened?'

I went out the bedroom & just sit there, eyes staring blankly, hands clumped together, praying for another chance to do it all over again & get out of bed even at three o'clock. It was too late. I browsed through my phone & texted my aunt for advice. It was really too late. This time I had no plan B to think of.

So now, I'm still stuck here in front of the computer ranting all these to you. But I actually thought about God & His plans for me. Even if this is actually a dream job for me, God is telling me there's a bigger place for me out there & I just need to search for it. These all happened for a reason, & I just need to appreciate the better things that will soon be coming straight at me. Have a great day everyone! Happy birthday to my very dear best friend, Karen Yap! I really miss her!

Recharging, Aldrinne

210th Song- Dancing By Myself

Dancing By Myself

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

I’m actually still falling

Cause of that I’m falling apart

Would you believe with little talks,

You captured my heart?

It’s cause you know me so well

If you feel being ‘round me again

You try to use your moves

That always make me insane

Everytime you’re here

You’re crowding up all my space

Until you left these tears on my face

Everytime I move on

You always play our old songs

If I come back, you tell me this is all wrong

(Chorus)

If I can have your power just to walk away

Then you’ll know my feeling ain’t a silly game to play

Altruism always have a limit on you

Dancing by myself is always killing my blues

Dancing by myself is always killing my blues

This is my own way for me to forget you

Never try to underestimate all my moves

Dancing by myself can change me too

All the lights are on me

They want to know if I’m hanging up

Can’t believe you’re calling for a night on the club

Talking into circles

We’re trying to converse

Don’t try to fool me with your lines that you rehearsed

Everytime you’re here

I’m always having these fears

You commit & just throw me out of here

Everytime I move back

You’re always playing forward

& you make me

Do efforts I can’t afford

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

Dancing by myself is always killing my blues

My hear is pounding

Eveytime I’m falling for you

I should avoid some troubles

By ignoring you

Dancing by myself will straighten me out soon

Dancing by myself

Dancing by myself

Dancing by myself is killing all my blues

(Repeat 2X)

(Repeat Chorus)

Past Fasting

If you've been keeping track of Lefty's Journal since 2007, you can actually see my not so famous (& my infamous) journey through the use of my own context. Just like everyone else, there will always be bumpy pavements along the way. Until we reach a certain point where we need to give up to rise up.

Just like my recent post days ago, there are certain people that you have to momentarily forget when you move forward & start anew. Those people were not completely the good guys in your story; they can be the villains who betrayed you, or your victims who fought back at you. In order to rise up, that would be basically one of the things you have to do.

So as I was saying, the journey I've been travelling now has never been better. Seriously. I can't say that I'm not having problems in some aspects of my life, but they're not that big of a deal like before. It was a learning experience for me- having to ride that roller coaster life. But I'm 100% sure I'm not riding that anymore. Rather than earn money & respect from people, I even lost everything I've ever built for myself. & now I really am appreciating being incognito from almost everyone I know in the past.

I'm happy with the trail that I chose. It wasn't easy to enter this 'life lane' but I worked hard for it. & when you're just about to close the gates of your past, this person shove into my serene life & tried to get what I didn't take in the first place.

I can accept anger with a reasonable defense from anyone. But I fight back to those who are being judgmental. & one of the things this person said to me that really flared me up is that I am a 'scammer'. Wow! I know a lot of scammers (per se, my *eherm*) who takes your money & run away with it, but never did I become a scammer. I don't need to explain the things that I already laid out to her, but all I can say is that the money she used to make a 'reservation' to that company, went to (you know it!) my controlling used-to-be upline whom I trusted so much before.

& sometimes scammers use fake names to people they've just met. & she was even my schoolmate in high school, plus I wasn't even the one who convinced her in the first place. & I do blame myself for bringing her there, for giving the money to my upline so I couldn't spend it, & for telling her the lies my upline is telling me. I was in a very complicated pedestal, but I still received that jabs she gave me that weren't mine to take in the first place.

Although I want to tell her the person who took her money, I'm just gonna be responsible & do the right thing, since I'm trying to become someone who blames himself no matter how minute his contribution to a mistake is. I don't want to make excuses anymore, & there's no point in hiding either (Just a quick search for my blog or social networking profile will immediately narrate all the details about me). I think I just pointed out the villain, the victim who actually turned into a villain, & me who was once her villain who became both his & her victim in the end. Boy do I always like to play the underdog...

Anyhow, I apologize for exceeding to my usual length blog post. I just miss being around you guys whom I can tell my explanations & complaints to. & I'm really thankful for the 'nangs' some co-bloggers of mine have given me this week. I just found out my 209th song, For Your Entertainment, was one of the featured popular posts in the last 24 hours in Nuffnang Innit! Not only that, it's also one of the posts that topped today in imcurtain.com. Despite of my current trifle, I really am appreciating all your comments, nangs & the time you guys have given me to check out my blog. I love you guys! :D

Fasting from the unimportant past, Aldrinne :D

209th Song- For Your Entertainment

Just to be clear to everyone, I've written this song just before I found out that its title was similar to Adam Lambert's single. But in his song, he actually talks about performing & partying stuff. Unlike mine, which is completely about being used, abused, or whatever drama the song has in store. But I really like the way it's sung, so you guys enjoy my 209th song! :)

For Your Entertainment

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

  

Broken hearted stay away

I don’t want to see you today

I’m tired of crying every night

I’m feeling alright

  

Can I ask ‘what did I do?’

We’re falling hard, that’s what I knew

Does this mean your love ain’t true?

Now I’m feeling blue

  

(Chorus)

This is what I get for giving everything

This is what I’m left

From risking it all

I played my part

Exposed my heart

Experimented

I fall apart

This is what I get

For your entertainment

  

Can you stop me from crying hard

Darkness ain’t helping so much

All I need is your voice tonight

Explaining to me

    

Would you please try to explain?

How you made me feel insane

I tried to bring the best of me

Contented, you’re not

(Repeat Chorus)

   

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus)

You took me in

Played with my feelings

Made me your sin

Destroyed everything

Forgot myself

& took care of you

& all I’m asking

Is your love too

For your entertainment

Sharpening My Sharing Skills

Hey everyone! Just wanted to serve you guys a platter full of updates & songs. I've been meaning to share the things that are happening in my world like what I'm doing before. But ever since I went on that internet dilemma, I think my sharing skills weren't sharpened enough anymore.. so... blame the hiatus!

Well, I actually needed that time off though. The last weeks of college before graduation was really tough, & I actually have to make time just to pass all my requirements before the deadline. 
  
I even remember going to my former school, Global City Innovative College, just to get my transcript of records. I went to my school to finally pass it (even if it's way over the deadline), just to find out I got a failing mark in my NCM 102, which I passed by the way. Again, I went over to G.C.I.C to fix it, waited for hours, then headed back to my school to pass my transcript before they close. What a crazy day it was! But then again, at least I finished them all... & even got my diploma. *Winks*
 

Anyways, I really want to reopen up something that is still very new to me- the capital E! That's right, employment. Being a fresh face in the working world without any experiences at all can have results which are stupendously predictable. Imagine passing a two-paged resume without anything there on that recent employment tab... now that sucks. Even when you know that you did great (or tried your very best) on your interview.
 
I mean, I'm not saying I'm competent enough to handle a job, but I just finished college & I think by now I already learned how to handle a difficult & risky problem. They say 'it's a different life out there!', but for me, I think it's just almost the same. Well, I don't know with you guys but I'm pretty sure I'm missing college & will be missing it more when do I get a real job.
 

Since we're talking about jobs now, I just wanted to express my deepest appreciation to all the vendors out there- those who sell from candies to condos, in small stalls or in huge stores, & anywhere in this world (That's actually a nice pun! Ha!). Ever since I experienced being a vendor in my aunt's yogurt station (which is, for me, can be the healthiest stall in this world lol) just to help her out (& to eat yummy free food lol), I was surprised just how tough it is to be flexible & to be really really patient to your costumers. Not to mention the smile I had to wear for an entire day. & I'm not really the type of person who greets everyone & explains everything to their questions, but I still did it for the sake of selling... & for my loving aunt.
 
Well, I really am enjoying helping out at her business. But I just wanted to say I'm inspired by those vendors who are waking up early in the morning everyday just to prepare, spending all day in their stalls or stores, doing the best they can just to have costumers, & still have the time for themselves &/or for their families. I salute you guys! *Smiles*
   
Anyways, I'm still waiting on that phone call about that company's test & that final interview. You know, I really wish they could've just told me straight to my face that I don't have what it takes to get that job in the first place, so I won't be really bothered waiting on their crappy news. lol. But I guess that's employment (negating much?! lol), & that's... life. God bless & take care everyone! Happy start of the week! :)

You know, about the sharpening the whole sharing skills thing... I think I just did, Aldrinne :D

208th Song- Changed All The Rules

Changed All The Rules

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

   

It’s pretty stupid cause I’m still waiting for

A perfect love song

A chance that will somehow make you

Fall in love again

   

But then again it’s time to wake myself up

Accept all the truth

There’s no one around to see me

& tell I was crying for you

  

& if you would feel this too

You’d know how I can’t lose you

You’re promised to come around

I should’ve controlled my heart

But then you changed all the rules

   

It’s pretty funny cause I made myself fall

& put up a wall

I thought our love is what you wanted all along

But then again I should remind myself

That you’re not so sure

If I could just read your mind

I’d bid you goodbye after all

  

But then again if you’d feel this too

This love I have inside I can’t undo

Crying all the time won’t change your mind

I think it’s time for me to fake a smile

Since you changed all the rules

  

It’s impossible, it’s unpredictable

The happy ending ended here

It’s supposed to make us grow

But why do you have to go?

Your love isn’t what I had fought

  

But then again if you’d feel this too

I decided to commit to you

You always say to me that I have changed

You walk away by a sudden rage

I still believe you’d fall again

Still believe I’m more than just a friend

Since you changed all the rules