I got a little bit too much (Oh-oh-oh-oh). Yes! I did get a little bit too much, & now I have with me my 400th post!
What a day to celebrate this LJ Day! I just figured out that whenever I'm having my nth post day, I always end up having a good... no better day!
I have read awhile ago the first one hundred posts after my 300th & to tell you honestly, I've been to crappy moments so nothing can surprise me now. Reading every post from the fourth of March up until yesterday, as it progresses each day to having a beautiful day, made me happy that, somehow, I stood tough through all the experiences I had.. & then I just breathed... heavy- I made it to the finish line.
Kinda think of it, my 301st blog post upto here consisted the biggest changes my life had. I'm also happy that some of my blog posts that talk about promising myself to get back into shape in all aspects of my life, I never broke. I stood upto it & finally, I'm having a nice & peaceful life.
Speaking of getting back into shape, I'm so overjoyed & refreshed when we had a quick Bible study after school with my new favorite professor! The verse was taken from the book of Revelations 1:17 & it talks about how God being the first & the last. I shared my thoughts about this verse- how I tend to be emotional & sad these past few months, & then realized that God was the one who's hurting more than I was to myself. So from this day forward, I wouldn't think about being alone or tortured, cause I know God loves me more than I love Him. I love you GOD! :)
Anyways, I just wanted to share some of my favorite lines I collected from the blog posts I've made from the date I've mentioned awhile ago.
1. If we don't deserve to get hurt, then we don't deserve to love...
2.The notes were laid on that piece of paper. Under those notes were letters, which consistently hide the lyrics embedded to it. Under those lyrics were words... that explain the depth & expression of the song. Like a song that is built to tell endless stories, we, ourselves, are that complicated to know what we truly feel.
3. I had an epiphany awhile ago after I woke up & found myself typing my revised physical assessment findings, editing some of the patient health teachings, organizing all the parts of our case presentation for later with matching add-ons, reading & editing, making a powerpoint for the case presentation, printing two 'twenty-plus pages' copies of it, typing our survey tool & planning out our survey for later, counting my remaining allowance to pay the four make up duties I have because I didn't show up yesterday on our hospital duty, selling a PSP Slim, editing a picture for a tarpaulin, & contacting my downlines for an update, that I possess a one-man army.
4. But it feels so good once you stop hammering yourselves on the head. I know it's temporary, but hell it's so damn good for the moment.
5. I just feel so happy getting the perfect card from a deck of unusual fate.
6. March 12, 2013- The little blue boy raved up the theaters earning one hundred sixty million on the tenth day.
7. We need not be afraid to face anything, but if we have to leave someone & something behind, then it's different.
8. Death doesn't mean the end, it's still the beginning of the journey that we'll be taking.
9. If I have to die, I just want everything being settled. I don't like leaving bad stuffs behind, I just want my legacy to continue.
10. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
11. I try to be positive, even though waves & waves of tribulation drove me ashore. The thing is, even if I have to be optimistic, fate will never alter. Even if I have to be optimistic, everything will falter, & eventually will lead to failure. Incognito... that's the word for it.
12. Fate has put me in a pedestal where I can no longer choose. It's either continue or stop. Either way, I'll fail.
13. I've been always the one who's giving. Though I'm not expecting anything in return, sometimes I just want to receive, & now I'm demanding it.
14. 3. I wanna be known as a singer & a composer. It's kinda ridiculous but I really wanted to pursue music as my major career. I mean, this is the thing I love the most. This is my baby, & music is the only thing that defines me. I do not care if it'll be a rock band or a solo artist, I just want to write & sing!
15. Devastation maybe the most superlative word I've ever encountered; there was sadness, there was emptiness, but there was devastation.
16. Imagine the Titanic, how vastly huge this boat is, surrendered to the ocean, what more if it was just me- I'm sinking rock-bottom.
17. I've been down before, but never this under. I've risen like a phoenix before, I just don't know if I can do this now. I've surpassed all the mayhems before, I just don't know if I can surpass this without these huge & difficult consequences. I've been negative & positive, but never in my life have I been so sure if this thing shall pass, because it will literally take months for me to fix it. I was chosen to win before, now I'm more than just losing.
18. I gained friends, love, pride & money, & I'm afraid that I'd be losing more now. I have opened the door & opened the lights, but all I see now was darkness. I've triumphed over failure, now it's coming back with great strength, & I'm not sure if I could face it. No matter how I try to be positive, I always end up being the opposite.
19. He can't stop me from doing what I'm about to do. For two years I've tried to be on the right track, it took two days for me to realize I was on the wrong train. I was going to the wrong direction. I was dumbfounded to realize it was a mistake from the start to the end.
20. "Don't you dare jump, Yuan McFallon." I grinned. He dared fate... who's winning.
21. I'm not jumping off this cliff. I'm not jumping to end my life. I'm not jumping because I can't handle these problems anymore. I'm not jumping because I don't know how. I'm not jumping because I lost. I'm not jumping off this cliff because I can't cope anymore... wait... I am jumping.
22. I begged faith. Faith begged plan. Plan begged the place. The place begged the world. The world begged fate. Fate disagreed, so as the world, the place, the plan, the faith & I. I'm in the edge of the cliff now, waiting for the wind to do its part.
23. The wind blew me off gently. I can't continue this any longer. I QUIT!
I've started to walk, weeping. I'm going back to the campsite.
24. Everything is set to self-destruct anytime this week, but I'm still holding on my faith so hard that sometimes I think it's pretending to be strong.
25. I have a lot of dreams & dang it! I'm just nineteen years old. It's not the end of the world for me. It never was.
26. If people ask me what things have you learned from all of this, I can only say one answer- I tried... & that's never a waste to me. Good outcomes always exist from negative news.
27. "It's gonna be me, Daniel (Radcliffe), Dave (Archuleta), Geun-suk (Jang Geun-suk), Danny (Henney), Rob (Pattinson), & my best friend Eric (De Los Santos)" Allan Leyva stated, after he explained why Efron isn't gonna be joining the said event.
28. 7:47 PM 25-MAR-13
Message 953:
Lan Lan! practice 4 c.c. will start nxt wik thursday. gr8 press launch. no, the shooting of mtnb2 will start on saturday, not friday. ayt?
From: DJ Cheleta
29. This year's March have proven a lot when I pronounced that it will all be centered to music & mayhems... it actually did.
30. I've always denied the fact that somehow, I have changed, & gave out an "I've just added some few personalities" excuses.
31. I used to have a good relationship with my body, school, myself & God. It seems all that was taken away because of everything that is happening now, especially those distractions. I couldn't take it any longer.
32. Anyways, after a long, long day of chatting, eating & lying around (that's why they call it a lying-in center! They took the name literally), me & my make up duty buds decided to call it a day & went home. So technically, my day was filled with... nothing. Peace!
33. Okay, let me rephrase that a little... you all know that I have issues about sleeping, right? For months I've been an insomniac since I started my business & of course, my hospital duties. I was a vampire. That's right, I said it. ;)
34. Just took a long, long nap & I think I'm finally curing my sleeping disorder (let's see) & my depression. Ti-hee!
35. Even if it's the holy week, I'm still going to be pretty busy hauling every past mistakes that I've done. Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements? I chose the latter since it's gonna be so worth it in the end. I forgot... I'm already a college senior! Hoorah! :)
36. Last, last night when I was spending time with myself outside our house I get to see a falling star. It's not everyday nor every year that you get to see something like that unexpectedly. Then I had an epiphany- good things do come when you least expect it. So from now on I wouldn't want to be expecting, I would just cling myself to hope.
37.What a way to spend the remaining days of vacation... DVD Marathon at its best!
38. It's a great start for me to spend my summer vacation doing hospital duties for six weeks because I get to enjoy every minute of it. Seriously, I think I wanna be an E.R. nurse... or a doctor. :P
39. It's not in my nature to get so furious to someone who's already close to me, but I tend to bite when someone pulls a stupid apathetic stunt because I followed his stupid advice.
40. Argghh! I just hate it when people change so badly for money.
41. I'm still putting myself to my fate & sucking some big faith into my lungs. God bless & have a terrific Thursday! :)
42.Dear Allan,
You were better than before, although sometimes you think you weren't. I think it's because you think that what you're doing is wrong. You think it's wrong because they said it's wrong. It isn't. I know you Allan- you weren't that certain about the future but soon you'd clear things out.
43. A ghost is not the soul of a dead person, it's more like the memory... legacy he established that will always be remembered through time & time.
44. I guess it's time to go. It's time to open the remaining pages of the book. It's time to reel in the feeling that everything would be okay & the same when I went to the next page. It's time for me to continue my journey in a different world. It's time to get the utmost possibility that all these will be worth in the end.
45. I like to leave with peace & without any assurances or promises that I'd be gone. I already stared blankly for hours & cried my tears to sleep so it wouldn't hurt that much now.
46. There's no good in goodbyes... but I guess I owe everyone an explanation, especially that most people care.
47. So it was like first day of school again. At least it was a good start even though I didn't show my friendly-I-want-to-make-friends-here side of me. On Monday we went to Bulacan for our immersion that lasted until Friday. The welcome was warm.
48. No goodbyes... just fleeting declines. :)
49.Sooner or later you have to give one up & stick to the one that weighs the most. However, there are circumstances that you just couldn't choose between them.
50.Headed by the best powerhouse stars of today- Allan Leyva, spokesperson of the clothing company for men, along with his MTNB co-stars Daniel Radcliffe, David Archuleta, Jang Geun-suk, Daniel Henney, Robert Pattinson, Eric De Los Santos, Jeah Jacob, Hilary Duff, Emma Roberts, Paris Hilton. With special participation of the famous Ms. Jennifer Lopez.
51. So now I'm getting used to the life I'm in right now. My life has been actually down the rocks lately & things really go by faster than what I've expected. At least it's getting pretty good now having minimal tribulation.
52. As my bestfriend told me "Finishing college in a different school is the most important for your education. Friends are just bonus." I did this because I needed & wanted to.
53. I doubt that the current is pretty strong but as long as I remember how to swim, I would actually obtain my goal.
54. Whether I'm in different locations, different school or in a different life. My goals are the same, my heart is still the heart of a champion, my passion is still burning, & the commitment is still blooming. At first I've given a damn about everyone, now I'm thinking about myself too
55. I suddenly remembered how they imposed that I should stop blogging- crap is what they call it these days.
56. Well, let's just say that blogging was like my personal frenzy- it really feels good when I'm typing all my thoughts where the public can read it. I mean, there's nothing really wrong or jologs about it, I also blogged because I want to remember what have I been doing, saying or thinking over the past few years. It's my techi-diary, you see.
57. I would prefer photos & texts as a means of communicating with the community, not that I'm against the whole idea- I love people who vlogs their life especially iShatonU, Shane Dawson, HappySlip, David Archuleta (Duh?!), Nigahiga, Gabe Bondoc & Fred. I'm just not brave enough to, you know, do that thing where I have to stick out my face on the youtube screen *hehe.
58. Platinum Prince Mr. Allan Aldrinne Leyva leads the famous singers of today who will bring you a lot of musicatastrophe & surprises for the benefit of our Earth. Other singers include the MTNB stars Daniel Radcliffe, David Archuleta, Jang Geun-Suk & Daniel Henney, with Zac Efron, Robert Pattinson, Hilary Duff, Emma Roberts, David Cook, Michael Johns, Eric De Los Santos, Jeah Jacob, Eunice Galos, Jennifer Lopez, James Morrison, Craig David, Pussycat Dolls & many, many more.
59. Although certain that I'm happy & contented to my life right now, I'm just wondering if it's better if we end up to a someone who we really wanted to be. I personally think I'm better off as a singer/compositor/actor/model/cardio-thoracic surgeon/architect; with just a better voice, good looks, a brilliant mind, & tons of money, I might be able to pull it off... who am I kidding?
60. Just keep that fire burning. Maybe someday, you might end up telling yourself that this is who I am. *Smiles*
61. I recently heard the song where Leighton Meester (my future wife) have been featured- her voice was a lovely as her looks. I also fell in love with David Archuleta's (my future husband...lol) Touch My Hand.
62. I remember how she recently picked me up from the hell I've been through & she never gave up on me. With her condescending tone of voice, she motivated me to finish something that I've started. I remember how she called the one who cursed & threatened me & fixed it all up. I remember how she brought me two Figaro puddings (my favorite) when I was sick in bed. I remember how we laughed together from our conversation yesterday evening. I remember how she recently became happy albeit the problems she's been through for us.
63. Though I see myself as a weak person, experiencing every hell of a situation from the last couple of months gives me the right to say that I'm strong.
64. Last night we kinda went back in time, like a decade ago. I really appreciate how teen movies were like when I was like nine years old... or ever younger actually. Those movies, like Can't Hardly Wait or Not Another Teen Movie, were like the reason why we have Mean Girls & She's The Man today.
65. Instead I was really serious about the worksheets that our lecturer assigned for us to complete without assistance or help whatsoever from anyone. I paddled my own canoe at last.
66. It's healthy for me to keep silent too- I don't know but I just really like seclusion once in awhile. I faced the music & it's time for me to get my life into shape again.
67. You could say I'm one of the craziest die hard fans when it comes to this 18 year old boy whom I got so addicted to ever since he auditioned from American Idol to having his own self-titled album. The best thing of it all was we're both the same- we write songs & sing together! We're both Tenors who also knows how to play the piano (okay, I'm really not that kinda good in musical instruments but I try) & we almost have the same attitude & weirdness. So what did I find in him for this guy to pass my standards & be my Lifetime idol? Just the fact that I'm this guy's twin brother.
68. I would never ever forget this red-letter day! There was the two Davids having fun on the stage & me being a usual crazy fan.
69. It was really cute how David Archuleta danced to his song Zero Gravity. His voice really swept me away. For that moment, it was like the two of us there.
70. It's four o'clock in the morning & I really had no intentions to hit the haystack. Maybe I'm not that sleepy, or I'm being an insomniac again.
71. I just know that I want to be a singer & a composer like *eherm, David Archuleta. I really want him to share his destiny to me. We really are twins. ;)
72. Unfortunately, it's really unimaginable to be someone who you know will never be you. I really want to keep my hopes high up but reality really bites.
But if things really turn out what you want it to be, it would really feel like zero gravity.
73. I really really had a long today. Apart from waking up so early in the morning, I also bonded with my bestfriends, tasted Quesidillas, threw a couple of tantrums & had a mall-after-mall adventure.
74. Since the first time I saw David Archuleta auditioning in American Idol upto having his first self-titled album, I was already mesmerized by his voice. Now, I still have the goosebumps whenever I hear or see my ultimate idol.
75. A syndrome is a group of symptoms that together are characteristics of a specific disorder, disease or the like. The predisposing factor of Archuleta Addiction Syndrome or AAS is David A. himself.
76. Okay judgmental people, I can explain the reason behind my email address.
Tell me I'm stupid but I made this email when I was like twelve years old, so I apologize for the weird plus wrong email address. I wish I could change it but I can't. Wish I could replace it but I had that email for seven years & changing it would be deleting all those web memories for the last seven years.
77. Get ready guys because this would be judgement day for American Idol top two finalists Kris Allen & Adam Lambert. I actually am rooting for Danny Gokey (I was first mesmerized by his Hero performance) but America decided it was time for him to go home (Crap!). Anyway the last update I heard in A.I. was when Adam scored round two after Kris won the first. Who will win? I'm about to find out. David Archuleta is there!
78. I heard from dialidol.com that Kris won American Idol. They have never been wrong. Supposedly Adam wins by 1% so it's close. Sorry Adam Fans...
79. Whenever I'm furious, I always get these weird spasms all over my body, it was like I'm having a seizure. My blood pressure are going up & I get tachycardia (abnormally fast heart rate) & tachypnea (abnormally fast breathing) real fast (not like it's new to everyone).
80. It's a great Friday morning today albeit the lack of sleep (because of some cockroach in my bedroom accident)- I woke up at four o'clock in the morning & found myself running with my little sister after that. I've also spent a nice breakfast with my family & tell you what, simple gatherings like this makes you feel more appreciative & thankful to everything you have.
81. No matter how much effort I put on, it always results to a disaster. That's why it's time to say goodbye to the old me. They say if you can't tear a single page then throw the whole damn thing. I would miss everything but it's just the way everything should go from now on.
82. Life is all but a ten-decade existence in this planet- & in that ten-decade human lifespan, you have the power to change the world.
83. Life is what brings wars, causes poverty, takes calamities but gives hope- It is also what brings peace, causes awareness, brings blessings & gives hope.
84. Burn every past memories. Throw away the mistakes. Put out the flame. Condone the sin, not the sinner. Cut the string of history. Grow as a new seed.
85. I actually have twenty days more to enjoy the summer vacation just before torture starts again... I mean school.
86. Well, I guess I really have to focus than whine about it. I mean, I only have one more year to finish college & I'm up to chase my dreams. The only thing I need to do now is focus on whichever the school bus wheel takes me. No business first, no social life to focus on- it's all about bonding with books & staying away from tempting activities.
87. Today, we set our paths & goals while we hone ourselves to being the best at everything, but when we're kids, we're just paving the exit to go outside & play whatever games kids play up until today. I miss being a kid again. :)
88. It's appalling to see a family member going through a lot of pain. The sad thing about it was seeing him suffering while you can't do anything to stop it but pray for him to be better.
89. When I watched the video, I can't help but cry cause I remembered my grandfather who died from Diabetes Mellitus. I remembered how my grandmother told me that he can't help but jump when he heard I was born. I remembered how he always buy me Lego after our Sunday mass. I remembered how he thought me the word of God, how I should respect everyone in the church, how I shouldn't steal & how I should give my offering to God.
90. Like Brittani said, sometimes God throws rocks at you so you could be reminded how lucky you are to have a family beside you. I miss my grandpa. I wrote him a song after his burial, it's Please Say Goodbye.
91. I juggled two worlds at the same time- school & business. The bad thing about it was I kinda gave up being a hardworking student just to become a successful networker.
92. I'm going back to what I am before October 8, 2008.
93. Okay, so we're heading to La Union this evening for a three-day vacation. I hope Mr. Sun won't fade away & to finally have that tan body I'm longing for so long.
94. Thunderbird Resort is heaven! It's like we were in Greece. We swam there for hours until I got the skin I desired... well not really. It's so much fun bonding with Reese's family & I'm really happy I went with them.
95. About my grammars, I'm really really sorry if I get a little illiterate sometimes. It's just that I tend to type all my ideas that I'm thinking now that I'm forgetting how to construct a good sentence. Nobody's perfect even though we're trying. Well at least, I could still release all the things I wanted you to read. Don't you worry, I'm beating myself up to get a good blog post. Props for me, I guess.
96. If you know me too well you would say my biggest fear would be frogs or lizards or even darkness (I'm kinda conquering that fear by the way), that's not even close to the fear that I already had since I was oriented from reality. I think there's no scientific name for it but it does exist- Future Phobia
97. It's my first time to have a dad whom I could share my ideas & opinions with. It's my first time to have a dad who texts me if I'm doing alright & if I'm having a good time when I'm away. It's my first time to have a dad who worries if I haven't eaten yet. It's my first time to have a dad who drives me to where I'm having my nursing duty. It's my first time to have a dad who picks me up at a bus station or at school after my community immersion. It's my first time to have a dad & I can see my mom looking so happy when he's around. It's my first time to have a dad whom I can really depend on. It's my first time to have a father whom I know will be there when I need him. It's my first time to celebrate Father's Day this year.
98. If you think my family is still broken... guess what, you're the one who put us back together. :)
99. Leyva's close friend & MTNB co-star David Archuleta also explained the gossips in his MySpace blog last night.
"The news about MTNB kicking out Allan on the fourth part was just a false rumor, nothing big about it. I read the third script for the movie & I'm pretty sure Allan is still part of the movie until the end. It actually won't be MTNB without him. To the one who spread the rumor, Daniel (Radcliffe), Guen-suk (Jang), Z (Efron) & Rob (Pattinson) & I would like to ask you to stop throwing negative things to Lan (Leyva)."
Zac Efron, one of MTNB co-star, also posted a message from his Twitter. "Allan isn't gonna leave MTNB. Stop spreading lies or we'll beat the crap out of you!"
100. The best things in life aren't just free, but it isn't obvious too.
101. I took a walk in the school hallways for the last time. This is a permanent part of my life & it's taken away from me. I reminisced about the dramas we had in this vicinity. This was like the place where i grew up, met the friends I was gonna spend the rest of my life & where I'm hauled to be a better person... a great person. This was my final moment & it's like burying the Allan that stayed here for four years.
& I am reborn...
102. It's kinda ironic actually- my first day on the last year of my college life.
103. "It really is a big change since we started Trigger," Allan Leyva said. "I still don't have any ideas about the new season but I'm pretty sure we'll be having a whole new set of characters on the show since the shooting will start next week."
104. Allan Leyva, on the other hand, will be working on his ninth album, several concerts including OutdooR (together with Hilary Duff), & his newest clothing line ALL-ANew by Clothes Over Bros For Him. He will also promote the sequel of his biggest movie blockbuster Meet The Newest Beatles.
105. After all, we really have to messed up... to step up.
106. Anyways, I've been talking a lot about that school thingy & those goodbyes, while I'm trying to be positive... so, I guess it's time to kick all my emotional warts & focus on some really big & important things.
107. The worst part is everyone seems to talk about the bad things you've done than the good things you've achieved. Well, in this society, we just work like that- finding some holes in your life, gossip about it & then condemn you as if they're that perfect.
108. Those people who tend to shout at me when I did something wrong, who pinch or punch me (which is our way of saying I love you), who tell me to pull myself together, those that care enough to open the internet & read my blog so they could be updated in my life, & those who have problems too so they can relate to the things that are also happening to me.
109. As I have said from my explanation in Facebook, that's how people are entertained- they rather talk about the mistake you've unintentionally done than the good deeds you made.
110. The one thing I can't get is how they couldn't cancel all school levels even if those college students would just experience the same fate like those of the lower level students when they go to school in a rainy day.
Shaping in, shipping out, Allan :)
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