I haven't had the chance to apologize enough to all those people who got involved in the mess I've created. Until now, I really really don't know what happened to me.
I feel like an idiot & a monster at the same time. I feel like a useless son of a gun. I never thought I could be the one who would do such a stupid stunt rather than the one who always stops it. I've always been the one who gives advices & convinces my friends to study & now I became the other way around. I'm usually the one who sticks with my friends during a court trial, & now... being in that room, I just felt alone.
I faced the music without my pride nor my childish attitude. Even developed some crocodile skin. I twitched too much & my mouth was dryer than anything I could think of. Haven't thought of lying even if I wanted to, I myself am a blasphemy in so many levels.
But you know what, I guess I've done the right thing- I got out of my safe zone & told that all these people, who got involved, were innocent. Told them I'm gonna show myself up in that hospital, will beg for forgiveness & will take whatever bad names they'll give me. I am willing to accept.
If, in the end, everything will be useless, I wish I could've received another chance. The more mistakes you make, the better you would be as a person, but then again...
I have lost their respect & became a worthless person in many people's eyes, even if I'd be free from damnation. I've learned my lesson & I know I'll be better. It's hard to stand up again, but I have to. I know it's hard to undo but I can redo it all. I still got my family, my friends & my God.
"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus ..." -Romans 8:1
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