Lefty's Journal

2011

2011-01-10T20:35:00.000+08:00

Seminar. Studies. Losing friends. Transcript of Records. Graduation. Work. Resignation. Review. Review. Review. Board Exams. Christmas. New Year.

This year is all about fire & desire. I'm ready.

These were the words that probably summarize my life in 2010. Obviously, it was way better than 2009. I mean, both years have dramas, but at least the big '10 didn't consist of me almost getting kicked out of school, or the fact that I had to choose between pursuing a bad path to save my good reputation or ending a reputation for a path that I was originally supposed to be in. Well, I had to suffer the consequences in either options anyway, & I'm not really that popular in the first place, so I guess I went with the latter one. The one that was right for me. For everybody.

& it turned out to be, like I said, better than 2009.

So we have to move forward again. & now it's 2011. There's something about this year 2010 hadn't brought out... & this is desire.

I'm firing up this year. With a promise to update weekly, or even daily like before. This year, it's going to be different. This year, it's going to be all about my strength & capabilities.

I'm a firework, Aldrinne :)

214th Song- Love You Know

2010-08-28T18:00:00.000+08:00

Love You Know

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Twenty one

You always hate the number twenty one

You associate these things to me

& I’ll believe

My mistake

Is that I grew up to someone you hate

You associate your heart to me

So you’ll be free

(Chorus)

If you think it’s me

& the way you see

Ask yourself in what you feel

If you think it’s wrong

& we don’t belong

I can’t guess the love you know

They agree

It’s just you’re scared to what they’ll think of me

I don’t know the love you’re looking for

I’m not enough

My mistake

Is that I don’t mean to destroy your faith

It’s not that I don’t have the time to wait

‘Till it’s too late

(Repeat Chorus)

If you think I’m bored

Then why you close your door?

Tell me if I’m worth the fall

If you know you’re right

Then you can leave tonight

Just tell me if you don’t love me anymore

Twenty one

You always hate the number twenty one

But it seems it’s just the way you feel

That changed you here

(Repeat Chorus)

Lefty Love

2010-08-28T17:40:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone! It really has been awhile since I get to speak with you guys. After school world, I never thought I'm busier in the employment world. Well, I wasn't really that busy but when transitions come into your life, you tend to leave some of the things that really matter to you. & one of them is blogging.

Well, at least I still get to post something from my old friend LJ before this month will end. I really have a lot of things to tell you about, starting from my employment epiphanies, my brother being admitted to the hospital due to the very dangerous Dengue Hemorrhagic Fever, my paternal rants, my lack of time to write new songs up until my weight-gaining issues.

Anyways, months ago I was excited to be in this company I've been working at. I was really happy having my first job & all that. It was challenging, being the subject for rude comments & violent reactions, but I still get to have satisfaction from those other callers who have been giving me some great comments & feedbacks in my work. Not to mention I was fitting from my co-pilots there, navigating into the insurance sky together. Except for some people there...

But then again, as I finished watching the last season of Ugly Betty (which is a bummer), I asked myself if this is really what I wanted. I mean, it's great for me to work on m communication skills & learn about insurance policies & all that, but is this really the work that I wanted?

When I was still studying I always get to dream of working in a big hospital abroad while still being a singer sharing his compositions to the world. It was, by far, the bestest thing in the whole world. & just thinking about it always make me so inspired, which is why I get to write more & more songs.

I know it was a big dream. But I believe it will happen in time.It's just that I don't have any idea which path it will take me to reach it. Being stuck in a work that wasn't my interest isn't really helping at all. That is why I'm trying hard to look for something that can take me farther from what I'm supposed to become next. I think I need more inspiration & guidance, & that is why I defined myself as Mr. Change.

Two weeks ago, my family got an unexpected unfortunate event where it involved my brother suffering from a 3rd grade dengue hemorrhagic fever. It was really devastating seeing him struggle in the first few days in the hospital, trying to fight the illness away. What got me worried was the fact that his heart rate was declining, & the fact that his bleeding internally made my concentration level from work a little bit awful. But God never ignored our prayers, & after a week, he got better. I get to learn to love my family more than ever. Note to self, get a health insurance right away.

I also started to lose some weight again since I let myself go again, & I had a little accident where it involves ripping my pants in the butt part of my jeans, which is embarrassing... but funny as heck! But then again, I still want to pat myself on the back for taking care of myself. Health is wealth, after all.

So I really really am sorry for the huge delay from posting my compositions here. I promise to make more updates & get really serious in my writing gift. For now, I get to inspire myself again & do some really important things today. Ü

Giving more lefty lovin', Aldrinne :)

HairDone

2010-07-13T00:44:00.000+08:00

Hey guys! So I just watched too many Ugly Betty episodes today (I know... I'm terribly late with the series) that I forgot to put up a new blog post before I sleep a vampire sleep. Anyways, it has been a mundane day for me.

But knowing myself, I have got to find a way how to spice up things a little bit. Because I've been meaning to try a different hairstyle that doesn't get too crowded on my head (can I say that?), I had a haircut today! It's some sort of a Mohawk with a little shave on the sides! & I know it's like a really small thing, but having a new do is one of my go-to to satisfy my 'trying new ideas everyday' kind of midyear resolution.

Well, it's pretty much all I can share. But I just wanted to make a big deal out of it in a positive way, I think. & I really needed to make a Twitter account again, update myself on all my blogger buddies' blogs, post some songs again, record a song & share it to you guys (I'm thinking about it), & pretty much what I do best- to be available... uhm, that didn't sound right. lol

Setting up my social calendar for the nth time, Aldrinne :D

P.S. Photo.Not.Me... I really really wish it was though. lol

New Blogging Season

2010-07-11T12:59:00.001+08:00

Hey guys! It's a whole new LJ blogging season this month. I really needed that absence since I took up some things that increased my maturity level up to almost fifty percent.

A lot of things have happened after I took off from the blogosphere. To tell you the truth I have been posting some blog posts but I saved them as drafts. I was ambivalent during those times, & posting some private (more like emotional) things required me to think them over.

My absence here gave me a clean slate. It was good. From then on I became employed, which is going so well since I fell in love with my job; I attended a wedding... well, a wedding reception; saw a bunch of movies; watched a lot of series; focused on my physical & spiritual sides by doing Yoga, weight training & attending church every Fridays & Sundays; hanged out with some old friends; made a slideshow; recorded a song; & basically tried a lot of new things.

It was a whole lot of adventures. & I just keep on growing & growing (I wish I could also say that to my height though) that I decided to make the world my own personal classroom. There were a couple of bad dramas that have happened, but they were all trifles that I actually forgot what they are (lol).

I also missed my blogging entourage. They actually helped me through a bunch of decisions. & blogging made it possible for me to relate to them.

Anyways, I have a whole lot of things to do this serene Sunday. But I'll keep on updating you from now & then. Gees I really missed this! I missed everyone! God bless & have a good day guys.

Ready for some blupdates, Aldrinne :D

213th Song- What You've Done

2010-05-24T02:14:00.003+08:00

What You’ve Done

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

(Chorus)

Look at what you’ve done to me

Don’t be proud in what you’ll see

I’m talking ‘bout this pain I feel

Don’t be alarm for this is real

I want to ask

Why it’s not enough

You see, I gave my all

Let myself fall

If it’s too hard for you to feel

I know that you can see

The wrong things you have given me

While I give the things that you need

(Repeat Chorus)

For this is real (Repeat 2X)

You really don’t need me here

So it’s enough to set me free

Cause all the pain that you are giving me

It’s enough for me to bleed

(Repeat Chorus)

I wish I could go back in time

& undo all the things we left behind

We can just fall in love

But you chose to fall apart

(Repeat Chorus 2X)

What you’ve done is real

(Repeat 3X)

212th Song- You Wouldn't Know

2010-05-24T02:04:00.001+08:00

You Wouldn’t Know

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Everyday there’s a possibility

Of you falling in love with me

Though if I ask you

You would always say ‘maybe’

We always say that we should take it slow

& in the process I gave my all

The saddest thing about it was

You grew tried to fall

(Chorus)

I just can’t believe

You’ve given up on me

It’s never wrong cause

You wouldn’t know

I can’t help but think

You bid hello to leave

Love’s never wrong cause

You wouldn’t know

It’s me & my stupidity

Who’s always there for you to feel

Be loved, be treated like

Someone with royalty

I thought it’s just the way you act

But I feel you’re not coming back

I’ve put up with your endeavors

Still you can’t feel

(Repeat Chorus)

(You wouldn’t know)

You’re narrow-minded when it comes to love

I thought we’re happy while we are growing up

I’ve always thought you were the one

But you wouldn’t know

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus 2X)

Employ-Meant After All

2010-05-22T18:40:00.000+08:00

Click here for the previous post :)

Hey everyone! So I'm going to tell you a little plan that I devised to really get the job I was talking about yesterday. Even though this Plan B might be a little risky at first, because of the fact that the company I applied into has no office hours during the weekends, I still pulled it off in the end. & you know what, I think what I did today was more than what I have expected for myself.

So you guys knew about my dilemma about waking up thirty minutes before the scheduled exams & interview yesterday. It really got me devastated & then I inculcated about God having other big plans for me so I'm just gonna let go of this one & move on. I wasn't really prepared as well, so it might be better to miss it in the first place than to pull off a suicide stunt.

But as I was curling up to my bed, regressing, I thought about what a blogger in Nuffnang told me- it's better to be late & try it than not trying it at all. That really got me asking to myself. You see, even though I'm sure God has a plan for me, is missing out the interview & exam really means that God has another company set out for me? Or He just want me to get another chance to 'really' study hard & 'really' prepare for it?

I've thought it for a moment. A really long moment though. When I woke up & saw how much encouragement & support my mom, my super dad, my aunt & my grandmother were giving me, I decided to went over there tomorrow, Saturday morning, earlier than eight o'clock & completely furnished & ready. There was this spark of hope, although too little to be seen & felt, that built my optimism up from eight percent to eighty.

So last night, when I finished blogging & all that, I started to go through the sites talking about successfully getting the job & some interview tips. To my surprise, almost all the things that I've read there didn't occur to me when I was applying for a job in the previous company. From the appropriate outfit up until the answers to the common job interview questions, I was completely dumbfounded by these realizations. It wasn't easy at all, I thought. I also took the time to deeply study the company from the products & services that they were offering, to the company's mission, vision & history.

I woke up at around three o'clock in the morning, only having two hours of sleep. & I began to rehash all the things that needed to be done for the interview & exam. It was risky, cause even when I want them to know that I do know that it'll be scheduled today & not yesterday by just showing up, I don't have any assurance that the office there was operating on weekends.

I still went straight there, & to my surprise... it was empty. No one was there but a guard & the maintenance team. It was seven o'clock in the morning, but I still waited for someone there to show up & give me the test & the interview. & an hour passed still no sign of employees there. I was kinda falling asleep on my chair, & I didn't even have a heavy breakfast & water to ease my insides. I prayed to God once again... & boy am I glad to see all these people coming in.

The people in that company were all nice; they actually treated me as if they're the ones who needs to get interviewed. I still felt jittery, but it wasn't out of nervousness, but because I was just hungry. & in the end, I even got a thumbs up on my exam & some compliments from the interviewer herself. The plan was a success, & I'm lucky enough to pass them all even when my chances were really that small.

So now I'm scheduled for the final interview in my real office, the one when I will be working in, on whenever the interviewer has decided. & I really want to thank my family for the encouragement & the push, to God who never fails to impress me (I love you!), & to my fellow bloggers as well who did not just cheered me up throughout the entire time I was devastated, but also for giving me the advice & the inspiration just like my real & true friends are giving. Have a blessed day everyone! I'm gonna go eat dinner now! :)

There will always be glimpses of hope, Aldrinne :D

211th Song- Right

2010-05-21T18:53:00.001+08:00

This song that I wrote has a concept of 'if being wrong is the only way for you to come back, then I don't want to be right.' Well, something like that. It's kinda ironic, cause I'm writing a song entitled 'Right' since I'm a lefty myself (isn't it obvious?) lol.

Okay, just wanna thank those bloggers awhile ago who have been cheering me up from the 'incident' awhile ago. I just took a very long nap & I feel slightly recharged. & to those bloggers who have been encouraging me to sing my song on Youtube, I'm fifty percent reconsidering it now lol. It's a start, right? Thank you everyone! Here's the lyrics of Right! :D

Right

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Don’t speak so softly

I can’t hear what you’re trying to say

I see you now shouting

It seems I just can’t understand

Maybe I don’t wanna hear it

Maybe I just couldn’t take it so good

I wish my hunch is just a mistake

Cause baby, my feelings, I cannot fake

(Chorus)

But you made me realize

That in the end I was right

After some time

You bid your goodbye

But baby, I’ve to deny

All those reasons why

You have to leave me here

I never ever really wanna be right

Please take a moment

You don’t have to see who’s involved in

You’ve knocked on my door now

There’s no going back from me now

Cause maybe I found love, it’s in you

Maybe with you, I’m feeling so good

I know what you want me to do

Call me a fool, but I just can’t undo

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

Don’t speak so softly

I can’t hear you’re trying to say

It’s better this way

So I can love you even just for one more day

(Repeat Chorus 3X)

I never ever really wanna be right

Employ-not-meant

2010-05-21T11:34:00.000+08:00

I think the only way for me to lease this problem & feel better is by doing a blog post about it. It's the only thing that doesn't talk back, & I seriously need some ears for the moment.

So yesterday I got a call from the company I applied in last week. It was actually, for a fresh graduate, a dream job for me; not only that the office is like five minutes from my house, it's also based in the medical field (I actually prefer jobs related to my course). I don't actually care about my salary, just having a job like this one can actually make me happy.

This week, I actually wake up earlier than my usual. Even though I sleep late, I always wake up at four or five in the morning. & the thing about that is, I don't even have something very important to do. I instantly start surfing the net to make an early blog post, & I even make a song whenever caffeine & creativity is kicking in too much.

So my final job interview was schedules at eight o'clock in the morning at their other office venue somewhere in Makati. & last night I was constantly preparing for it; I studied about tips on job interviews, reviewed some abstract test, put out my best corporate attire, & prayed to God for wisdom. I slept at around one o'clock. Seven hours until the interview.

That's when I made one big mistake.

I actually woke up at around three o'clock. It was still early & dark outside, & if I was going to sleep rather than a nap for bedtime, I would've been so sleepy in my interview especially in the examination. I decided to sleep for an hour or two just to catch up on my sleeping.

When I wake up, I looked straight to the window to find out that's it's now too bright outside. I quickly took a glance on my cellphone- it was 7:38 AM. It took me a moment to realize this is happening; I know I heard the alarm screaming at my ear & I know I was going to go out my bed after a minute. 'What just happened?'

I went out the bedroom & just sit there, eyes staring blankly, hands clumped together, praying for another chance to do it all over again & get out of bed even at three o'clock. It was too late. I browsed through my phone & texted my aunt for advice. It was really too late. This time I had no plan B to think of.

So now, I'm still stuck here in front of the computer ranting all these to you. But I actually thought about God & His plans for me. Even if this is actually a dream job for me, God is telling me there's a bigger place for me out there & I just need to search for it. These all happened for a reason, & I just need to appreciate the better things that will soon be coming straight at me. Have a great day everyone! Happy birthday to my very dear best friend, Karen Yap! I really miss her!

Recharging, Aldrinne

210th Song- Dancing By Myself

2010-05-19T21:02:00.002+08:00

Dancing By Myself

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

I’m actually still falling

Cause of that I’m falling apart

Would you believe with little talks,

You captured my heart?

It’s cause you know me so well

If you feel being ‘round me again

You try to use your moves

That always make me insane

Everytime you’re here

You’re crowding up all my space

Until you left these tears on my face

Everytime I move on

You always play our old songs

If I come back, you tell me this is all wrong

(Chorus)

If I can have your power just to walk away

Then you’ll know my feeling ain’t a silly game to play

Altruism always have a limit on you

Dancing by myself is always killing my blues

This is my own way for me to forget you

Never try to underestimate all my moves

Dancing by myself can change me too

All the lights are on me

They want to know if I’m hanging up

Can’t believe you’re calling for a night on the club

Talking into circles

We’re trying to converse

Don’t try to fool me with your lines that you rehearsed

Everytime you’re here

I’m always having these fears

You commit & just throw me out of here

Everytime I move back

You’re always playing forward

& you make me

Do efforts I can’t afford

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

Dancing by myself is always killing my blues

My hear is pounding

Eveytime I’m falling for you

I should avoid some troubles

By ignoring you

Dancing by myself will straighten me out soon

Dancing by myself

Dancing by myself is killing all my blues

(Repeat 2X)

(Repeat Chorus)

Past Fasting

2010-05-19T07:35:00.000+08:00

If you've been keeping track of Lefty's Journal since 2007, you can actually see my not so famous (& my infamous) journey through the use of my own context. Just like everyone else, there will always be bumpy pavements along the way. Until we reach a certain point where we need to give up to rise up.

Just like my recent post days ago, there are certain people that you have to momentarily forget when you move forward & start anew. Those people were not completely the good guys in your story; they can be the villains who betrayed you, or your victims who fought back at you. In order to rise up, that would be basically one of the things you have to do.

So as I was saying, the journey I've been travelling now has never been better. Seriously. I can't say that I'm not having problems in some aspects of my life, but they're not that big of a deal like before. It was a learning experience for me- having to ride that roller coaster life. But I'm 100% sure I'm not riding that anymore. Rather than earn money & respect from people, I even lost everything I've ever built for myself. & now I really am appreciating being incognito from almost everyone I know in the past.

I'm happy with the trail that I chose. It wasn't easy to enter this 'life lane' but I worked hard for it. & when you're just about to close the gates of your past, this person shove into my serene life & tried to get what I didn't take in the first place.

I can accept anger with a reasonable defense from anyone. But I fight back to those who are being judgmental. & one of the things this person said to me that really flared me up is that I am a 'scammer'. Wow! I know a lot of scammers (per se, my *eherm*) who takes your money & run away with it, but never did I become a scammer. I don't need to explain the things that I already laid out to her, but all I can say is that the money she used to make a 'reservation' to that company, went to (you know it!) my controlling used-to-be upline whom I trusted so much before.

& sometimes scammers use fake names to people they've just met. & she was even my schoolmate in high school, plus I wasn't even the one who convinced her in the first place. & I do blame myself for bringing her there, for giving the money to my upline so I couldn't spend it, & for telling her the lies my upline is telling me. I was in a very complicated pedestal, but I still received that jabs she gave me that weren't mine to take in the first place.

Although I want to tell her the person who took her money, I'm just gonna be responsible & do the right thing, since I'm trying to become someone who blames himself no matter how minute his contribution to a mistake is. I don't want to make excuses anymore, & there's no point in hiding either (Just a quick search for my blog or social networking profile will immediately narrate all the details about me). I think I just pointed out the villain, the victim who actually turned into a villain, & me who was once her villain who became both his & her victim in the end. Boy do I always like to play the underdog...

Anyhow, I apologize for exceeding to my usual length blog post. I just miss being around you guys whom I can tell my explanations & complaints to. & I'm really thankful for the 'nangs' some co-bloggers of mine have given me this week. I just found out my 209th song, For Your Entertainment, was one of the featured popular posts in the last 24 hours in Nuffnang Innit! Not only that, it's also one of the posts that topped today in imcurtain.com. Despite of my current trifle, I really am appreciating all your comments, nangs & the time you guys have given me to check out my blog. I love you guys! :D

Fasting from the unimportant past, Aldrinne :D

209th Song- For Your Entertainment

2010-05-18T17:17:00.003+08:00

Just to be clear to everyone, I've written this song just before I found out that its title was similar to Adam Lambert's single. But in his song, he actually talks about performing & partying stuff. Unlike mine, which is completely about being used, abused, or whatever drama the song has in store. But I really like the way it's sung, so you guys enjoy my 209th song! :)

For Your Entertainment

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Broken hearted stay away

I don’t want to see you today

I’m tired of crying every night

I’m feeling alright

Can I ask ‘what did I do?’

We’re falling hard, that’s what I knew

Does this mean your love ain’t true?

Now I’m feeling blue

(Chorus)

This is what I get for giving everything

This is what I’m left

From risking it all

I played my part

Exposed my heart

Experimented

I fall apart

This is what I get

For your entertainment

Can you stop me from crying hard

Darkness ain’t helping so much

All I need is your voice tonight

Explaining to me

Would you please try to explain?

How you made me feel insane

I tried to bring the best of me

Contented, you’re not

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus)

You took me in

Played with my feelings

Made me your sin

Destroyed everything

Forgot myself

& took care of you

& all I’m asking

Is your love too

For your entertainment

Sharpening My Sharing Skills

2010-05-17T20:14:00.002+08:00

Hey everyone! Just wanted to serve you guys a platter full of updates & songs. I've been meaning to share the things that are happening in my world like what I'm doing before. But ever since I went on that internet dilemma, I think my sharing skills weren't sharpened enough anymore.. so... blame the hiatus!

Well, I actually needed that time off though. The last weeks of college before graduation was really tough, & I actually have to make time just to pass all my requirements before the deadline.

I even remember going to my former school, Global City Innovative College, just to get my transcript of records. I went to my school to finally pass it (even if it's way over the deadline), just to find out I got a failing mark in my NCM 102, which I passed by the way. Again, I went over to G.C.I.C to fix it, waited for hours, then headed back to my school to pass my transcript before they close. What a crazy day it was! But then again, at least I finished them all... & even got my diploma. *Winks*

Anyways, I really want to reopen up something that is still very new to me- the capital E! That's right, employment. Being a fresh face in the working world without any experiences at all can have results which are stupendously predictable. Imagine passing a two-paged resume without anything there on that recent employment tab... now that sucks. Even when you know that you did great (or tried your very best) on your interview.

I mean, I'm not saying I'm competent enough to handle a job, but I just finished college & I think by now I already learned how to handle a difficult & risky problem. They say 'it's a different life out there!', but for me, I think it's just almost the same. Well, I don't know with you guys but I'm pretty sure I'm missing college & will be missing it more when do I get a real job.

Since we're talking about jobs now, I just wanted to express my deepest appreciation to all the vendors out there- those who sell from candies to condos, in small stalls or in huge stores, & anywhere in this world (That's actually a nice pun! Ha!). Ever since I experienced being a vendor in my aunt's yogurt station (which is, for me, can be the healthiest stall in this world lol) just to help her out (& to eat yummy free food lol), I was surprised just how tough it is to be flexible & to be really really patient to your costumers. Not to mention the smile I had to wear for an entire day. & I'm not really the type of person who greets everyone & explains everything to their questions, but I still did it for the sake of selling... & for my loving aunt.

Well, I really am enjoying helping out at her business. But I just wanted to say I'm inspired by those vendors who are waking up early in the morning everyday just to prepare, spending all day in their stalls or stores, doing the best they can just to have costumers, & still have the time for themselves &/or for their families. I salute you guys! *Smiles*

Anyways, I'm still waiting on that phone call about that company's test & that final interview. You know, I really wish they could've just told me straight to my face that I don't have what it takes to get that job in the first place, so I won't be really bothered waiting on their crappy news. lol. But I guess that's employment (negating much?! lol), & that's... life. God bless & take care everyone! Happy start of the week! :)

You know, about the sharpening the whole sharing skills thing... I think I just did, Aldrinne :D

208th Song- Changed All The Rules

2010-05-17T18:03:00.000+08:00

Changed All The Rules

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

It’s pretty stupid cause I’m still waiting for

A perfect love song

A chance that will somehow make you

Fall in love again

But then again it’s time to wake myself up

Accept all the truth

There’s no one around to see me

& tell I was crying for you

& if you would feel this too

You’d know how I can’t lose you

You’re promised to come around

I should’ve controlled my heart

But then you changed all the rules

It’s pretty funny cause I made myself fall

& put up a wall

I thought our love is what you wanted all along

But then again I should remind myself

That you’re not so sure

If I could just read your mind

I’d bid you goodbye after all

But then again if you’d feel this too

This love I have inside I can’t undo

Crying all the time won’t change your mind

I think it’s time for me to fake a smile

Since you changed all the rules

It’s impossible, it’s unpredictable

The happy ending ended here

It’s supposed to make us grow

But why do you have to go?

Your love isn’t what I had fought

But then again if you’d feel this too

I decided to commit to you

You always say to me that I have changed

You walk away by a sudden rage

I still believe you’d fall again

Still believe I’m more than just a friend

Since you changed all the rules

207th Song- Loving & Everything (15th Album Title)

2010-05-17T18:00:00.000+08:00

Loving & Everything

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

(Chorus)

Why these tears are coming out? (Repeat 4X)

It’s not your fault entirely

Apology ain’t necessary

But just this once I like to hear

Losing me’s one of your fears

Love is all I need to feel

Without a hindrance that appears

& it just grows when good come near

But you blame me when it isn’t here

(Repeat Chorus)

Ignoring won’t change what I feel

You’re the only one who’s real

Your lies are tempting you to leave me

Will freeing you will make you free?

(Repeat Chorus 2X)

Will bad things make you doubt

Your attempts won’t break me now

Don’t make your love fade away

I am begging you to stay

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus)

I surrender everything

Even my life & all my dreams

Your entity makes my heart beat

Why are you doing this to me?

Why these tears are coming out?

Don’t just turn a different route

Come take my hand & take my being

Loving you is my everything

206th Song- Better

2010-05-17T17:56:00.002+08:00

Better

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

(Chorus)

If I have stopped controlling you heart

Would it be? Could it be better?

If I pretend to be happy then

Would you be? Could you be better?

I’ve always believed you’d be happy

If I could just stop to be selfish

I know you would dream of a better life

Than dream of a life with just me

& it hurts that you can’t be someone

Someone who’d become without me

& it hurts that you don’t deserved

To be love by someone who’s below your goals

(Repeat Chorus)

I’ve always believe you’d become

Someone who’s success come from me

But then I would realized

That I’ll be the one who denies

& it hurts that I can’t be someone

Someone who would bring you the luck

I’m stuck in this averaged place

Where I am pulling you down, down, down

(Repeat Chorus)

& you sacrificed everything

Just to love me true

My love can’t compete with ‘ifs’

My love don’t compete with your ‘ifs’

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus 2X)

I know I can’t give you the world

But I promise to give you this heart of mine

205th Song- Thrice the Pain

2010-05-17T17:46:00.005+08:00

Thrice the Pain

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

I never need some deepest lines

To say what’s going on your mind

But always think of this

Your pain, I can’t resist

So I’m working hard to bring you joy

I made you happy like a toy

But what can I do now,

If the cause of your pain is me?

(Chorus)

I never intended for myself to break your heart again

Cause everytime you dip into your pain

It always hurts me then

& I couldn’t even smile

Couldn’t ever try to give you strength or hand

If I hurt you

Remember, I’m always hit by thrice the pain again

It’s been three months when we became

One in front of everyone

I know that I could bring

The rain amidst the sun

I wish you’d say

At least we’re ‘kay

I don’t want our love to dive

Six feet on the ground

All because of me

(Repeat Chorus)

Everytime you cry

I’m always saying that I wished I’d die

Everytime you cry

I’m always saying I wished I’d tried

To stay away from you

Just to see you happy again

But I’m a selfish man

You’d probably knew it then

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Moment Memos

2010-05-16T07:34:00.005+08:00

I've always thought that life is a slow process. Well, in the mundane parts of my life, it maybe is. But million moments & miracles do not show up in life all the time. They happen spontaneously, leaving a mark in my memory. & those moments were the days that I really live, giving me the conclusion that life is on its fast-paced lane.

& there are moments where I never really cared about anything. Moments where I slept the whole day. A moment where I got drunk for the first (& last) time with my friends & had my worst hangover in the morning. Moments where I slipped, fell, & stood up, only to find myself slipping again. Moments where I ventured in every direction without any particular destination. Moments where I cry with or without any reason. Moments where I caught myself doing good & bad things. Moments of my worst experiences. Moments where I made bad decisions of my life.

Those moments were rather a mess when I compare it with my glory days. They can be those moments which you can just forget just to pave way for the more important things. Sometimes they can bring you humor. But when I think about them, they were the moments that gave me the ability to differentiate true happiness from, just happiness.

Sure I had my moments where I never really cared about anything. Cause I was either dancing the night away, or dreaming good dreams in my sleep.

I had my moments where I slept the whole day. It's cause I was awake the whole night, spending time with my real families & friends.

I had my moment where I got drunk with my friends & had my worst hangover in the morning. But I still felt really happy.

Moments of my downfall. & for that I regained my self-respect & able to stand up on my own, willing to do it again for the sake of learning.

Moments where I got nowhere else to go. & for that I inculcated my true directions in life... & beyond life.

I had my moments of crying. But after those sessions, I felt stronger.

Yes, I had my moments of pointing out my good & bad things. For that I built better qualities for my personality.

Moments of my bad experiences. They allowed me to distinguish what the good experiences are.

Moments where I made some bad decisions of my life. & for that I learned how to decide, think before I make a decision, & evaluate their results.

It's actually your own point of view; life can either be fast or slow for you, & can either be good or bad. But one thing's for sure. Some moments, even when they aren't that any good, are still worth the pain.

Making a million memories, Aldrinne :_)

I Inspire Me

2010-05-15T20:16:00.001+08:00

Bad things happen for a reason- to grow & learn from them. This is basically the best way for people to swerve back to their destined lane.

We always wanted to be in a good place, that's for sure. But to be in that good place, sometimes we have to lose or sacrifice some other things that we value. At times those lessons are not really that worth it. But you'll never know how much it'll help you someday.

You start to hate yourself more than the person who wronged you. Having constant thoughts about believing him/her in the first place, or about the things that you've probably might have done for this person to pull a stunt like that to you. You blame yourself for choosing the wrong decisions in life. & even when you fake a smile, at the end of the day, it's not just enough to remove that stain.

In the midst of your fall, you consult the people that might help you to regain your stance. They are the ones who have been truthful to you, gaining distance to the people who throws bad stuff at you. Those people will help you stand up... but I bet they're still not gonna make you get up.

Because, even when they try to help you, you'll never gonna be able to move forward... unless you help yourself to move. Cause even when people might tell you the things that you needed to do to become better, there's no other person whom you can cling to but yourself. Cause even when there's a lot of people who you can call your hero, there will always be you whom you can call your own. Don't be afraid to fail because only through failure do you learn to succeed.

I am my own hero. I am my own rock. I am my own best friend. I INSPIRE ME. Aldrinne :D

Past... Tense

2010-05-12T18:18:00.001+08:00

When you move forward, there are a lot of things & people you get to leave behind. Not that it's not your fault nor you just don't like these people. It's just that moving on, no matter how slow or fast its pace is, is a transition where everything, whether important or mundane, must be restarted.

Sooner or later, you find yourself in a different environment. Doing the things you're not doing before. Having new sets of friends whom you fit into. Basically living the life in a new perspective. Until you reached the point where the old life was just a thing of the past.

Sometimes this new life of yours go back to the way it was back then, but all the time it gets to change a bit. & at the end of the way, you get to remember those people & things that were, before, the ones that revolve in your world.

& then at some random day, they show up again. & whether or not it feels good, one thing's for sure- you can never escape the past.

It is a small world after all, Aldrinne :D

Employment

2010-05-11T09:43:00.008+08:00

'Welcome to the world of employment,' I told myself. Hey, if you have to enter a new phase in life, better to greet myself, right?

Things that have kept me really busy during the no internet dilemma was to apply in certain companies that offers a job that is related to my profession. I mean, there's still time to review for the boards & I don't wanna rush everything, so I choose to earn money first than waste my time bumming in my home.

Besides, I really want to have some work experiences. I really don't care much about the salary, just having to finish my course & really earning from the real work that you've done is enough for me. How can you enjoy the luxuries of life when you don't have any directions or friends, right?

Last Monday, I had my first job interview & a typing test which is a good experience for me. I just hated that I didn't receive any calls verifying that I got the job. Oh well, better luck next time I guess. They kinda hire people with work experiences, & I don't fit that quality.

Today, just after the 'media-inspired' elections, I have a second job interview at a health related company & I really wish I could get the job. The salary's not exactly a bed of roses, but it's a chance that I must take so I could finally have something to put on my recent employment tab on my resume the next time I'm going to apply. *Smiles*

Kinda think of it, I kinda am more excited in this employment thing than my past networking business; sure you can earn really big & you get to control your working hours, but the truth is, I'm not really happy doing it. I have lost a lot of friends & the respect of my mom cause of that business, & money doesn't really make me happier either. Anyways, time to put all that to rest. I'm thankful I entered that kind of business though. Because of networking, I think I became a much better person... & I can sleep every night now. lol

Anyways, wish me luck on my interview today. God bless & take care everyone! :D

Employee of the Eternity, Aldrinne :D

Voting & Visiting

2010-05-11T02:05:00.000+08:00

Told you I'm gonna be back as soon as you remember visiting this site. Okay... hello everyone! LJ functioning again in... three, two, one... Yey! :D

So, as you know, it's been four months since I really got serious about my blogging. It's not my fault in the first place cause there's this thing with our internet that made me M.I.A. on the virtual beach. But I didn't give up on fixing it since I have commitment issues with my Lefty's, so when I plugged our newest internet connection, I immediately started blogging again.

Anyways, aside from having internet again, today was a really adventurous day for the family... minus my little brother. First, we went to a nearby public school where we were assigned to vote. It was a really really hot day & it got worst when we saw the long line of people before us waiting to vote. So my mom kinda made a scene & walked out. We headed for lunch, but we decided to go back cause my mom really wants us to experience the voting thing.

So after the elections, we went straight to my 'lolo uncle's' house just to pay him a visit. He actually has a stage four colon cancer, & I really am devastated about it. Although he's ill, I'm just glad he could still have the energy like a normal adult & I think he can actually recover amidst the severity of his illness. Hope you guys would pray for him as well.

We had a good time at his house. But my attention was mostly fixed on the election news... but still I had a good time. :)

Anyways, I'm back for good! Just wait for my May banner which is coming up soon! I'll try to update you guys more, okay? I miss everyone! God bless & take care everyone! :)

Good times, Aldrinne :D

LJ Break

2010-05-03T12:51:00.000+08:00

General Douglas even told us that he shall be returning... LJ is doing the same. He's taking a short little LJ break in the blogging business. Promise! :)

Will be back soon, Aldrinne :D

Walking on Sunshine

2010-04-29T14:49:00.000+08:00

So I'm actually tired of apologizing for not updating my blog everytime I make a post. So I posted some of my new songs like I promised. *Smiles*

Anyways, our internet connection actually had a kidney failure or something. We subscribed to another internet company but turns out it's actually slow as a turtle (no offense to turtle-lovers out there though). If ever there will come a day where it'll get running like before, then no more internet-condemnation, I promise.

However, there are certain things in life that needed to go slow. For me, you don't have to rush life too much to a point that you're beginning to hate it. It's more enjoyable to slow down a bit, becoming a turtle & appreciating life the way it should be.

Just like learning how to play a guitar or writing some songs or even enjoying a vacation with your cute little cousins, you create more moments when you ride the waves on a mundane speed.

Appreciate life by walking. You'll never know what good things might appear... God bless & take care everyone. More songs & 'blupdates' here in LJ. :D

Setting altruism to the third bar, Aldrinne :D

204th Song- Love Stays Right Here

2010-04-29T13:57:00.002+08:00

Love Stays Right Here

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

I couldn’t believe

It’s another year

Some friends leave

& others are here

Emotions were leased

Put out all my tears

Secrets are found

To answer to your doubts

(Instrumental)

Started a life

Follow what’s right

Put up a wall

Started to fall

Problems at peek

Brought down to my knees

Respect was redeemed

Changes appear

(Chorus)

But my love stays right here

Made to fight my fears

Designed to bring me near

To you, I submit

Gained some of my strength

Weakness amends

Promises break

Changed our faith

Decisions are made

Time cannot wait

Impairments of grace

Perfections erased

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

I couldn’t believe

It’s another year

You bid your goodbye

I couldn’t ask why

Goals are achieved

Tried harder to live

I still exist

So I’m going to sing

(Repeat Chorus 3X)

My love stays right here

My love still remains unchanged

203rd Song- Runner

2010-04-29T13:54:00.000+08:00

Runner

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Memories may fade away

So I am saving all the things that you would say

Cause this time will never stay

So let’s pretend everything remains

Like that day when I first saw your face

Or the time you said your love won’t fade

When we grow up & act like we’re adults

I know our love together has no faults

(Chorus)

Maybe we’ll stay in love forever

Or say the word goodbye

At least it’s worth a try

But honestly, I’m betting on my future

We’ll have to stick together

You’ll always be my runner

You’re always first on the line

Though you don’t know

I’m on your control

& I’m not complaining cause it’s why I’m born

Recently, I wished you’d talked to me

That our love is more than complex but it’s real

You cast away the storm & brought the sun

It’s like I’m living in the dark but now I’m found

Like the waves, you hit me in the heart

I’ll cross the seas to make this feeling won’t stop

(Repeat Chorus)

Can’t predict the future, I’m afraid

Just tell me you’ll be there & that you’ll never fade

But it’s alright when things don’t go my way

Maybe next time I’ll hit the target when I play

(Chorus)

Maybe we’ll stay in love but suffer

The rumors spread like thunder

At least I’m on your side

Lately, I wish this love would linger

Together fire & water

There’s this you’d conquer

I know you’re first on the line

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus)

202nd- Made For You

2010-04-29T13:48:00.000+08:00

Made For You

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

You’re the only water

To remove this fire

You’re the only sunlight

That surpassed my night

& I can’t believe that

That you have loved me back

Your résumé seems good & I’m eyeing you

& in this group of people, there was only me

I’m considered special & the lazy bee

Still I can’t believe that

You still love me for that

You’re résumé seems good & I’m eyeing you

(Chorus)

Cause you’re the only one who’s fitted for this job

I’m the one who needs control

& amidst these people, you have picked a person

That is mentally unstable

I’m made just for you

Made just for you

I’m probably the worst fighter

Who can take you down

But you’ll be my buffer

When I have to suffer

Still I can’t believe that

That you have loved me back

You’re the only one who stays when they turn their backs

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

I’m made just for you (Repeat 2x)

I’m the wanted criminal

I’m so predictable

I’m the worst type of person

But I’m thankful that you are here

To be my eyes & ears

Can’t you see I’m made for you?

I’m made for you

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

I’m made for you

Made for you

201st Song- What About Me

2010-04-29T13:42:00.003+08:00

What About Me

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

I get that you’re busy

No need for you to say you’re sorry

Even I can’t control time

I know that you love me

& baby I know that you are worried

So please don’t you vent this out on me

(But)

(Chorus)

What about our plans?

What about your promise?

What about the time?

Am I expecting for nothing?

& what about out love?

What about our story?

What about our faith, our space, our dates?

Why can’t you see?

What about me?

I know that I’m needy

You don’t prioritize me

Sometimes I couldn’t take it anymore

I should be demanding

But you always laugh & ignore me

It’s like you do not take me seriously

(So)

(Repeat Chorus)

I know you’re sad that you’re not here

You ain’t beside me

The only reason I’m complaining

Is that you’re enjoying

While I’m not around

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Maturity 102

2010-04-11T20:23:00.002+08:00

View Maturity 101

I've always been asking myself whenever I think about the big & little things I've done in my life; was it always a mature thing to do or to decide?

Maturity, for me, is something I've incorporated with one's physique; if you turn thirteen & you notice some body changes in you, that's where you become mature. Of course, handling big responsibilities & appropriate conversations make you one too, but you suddenly think these are all in one area of your life only.

So how would one become wholly mature?

I've recently been praying to God that He would help me become mature. Not just in one part of my life, but to all the factors that contribute to my holistic being. It's not that I don't like being childish, I just wanted to act & look the best that I can considering I'm already becoming an adult. & becoming one requires sticking to the best decisions for your life.

An example I really want to point out is when Noynoy Aquino spent some time to himself to decide on whether to run for president in our country or not. Almost all the people who are close to him influenced him, & being president is a big, big responsibility that really requires a lot of thinking.

My point is, maturity requires time. In every big & little decisions you got to face, if you're mature you need not to rush time. Of course there will always be bad decisions (which is why I made this blog post), but if you're mature enough, accepting defeat & fixing the problem would earn you maturity points, even when people think you're childish enough to make a bad decision in the first place. Don't fret cause you're the only critic of your own life anyway.

Holding your silence, even when people might accuse you to their meanest gossips & tribulation, is something that, for me, makes you a mature person. I think it's the best way to shut those judgmental people's mouth, showing that you're not even slightly affected to the accusations you were not a part of. You know what they say, silence is golden.

We're not really perfect people, & sometimes life requires you to go through hell just to learn something. It doesn't mean that when you grow old, you become mature. There's a difference. I know I will always think about or do childish things, even when you know & believe that even just for a little you're mature in all aspects of your life. Whoever said we're not childish in nature in the first place anyways?

Good times, Aldrinne :D

Light. Life. Lefty's.

2010-04-07T18:59:00.002+08:00

It's already April & I haven't been in the cyber space lately. I seriously have to make up to you guys whom I have abandoned for almost three months now, specifically since the start of this year. Anyways, the fourth month has just arrived & boy do I have a lot to talk about.

To start off, I wanna apologize to everyone for being M.I.A. in the blogging business. It's just that we're still having problems with the connection thingy & my family are starting to plan on changing the internet- whatever works, I guess. I've also decided to surf the net less than before & focus on my old & new activities like writing & playing the guitar (which is challenging, by the way). It's pretty awesome when you know you had a productive day before you sleep, it sucks though cause I still have my insomnia to deal with.

March was unbelievably great; it was actually those days where I get to finish my requirements for school just before graduation that made this month excellent. Even though I lost some healthy weight because of the exhausting errands I'm dealing with (like my transcript or records, my PRC cases, etc.), having to complete them & fighting those delays are worth it. Plus I know I'm going to add more weight soon lol. I also spent some time with old friends namely Weegy, Juanton, Paks Mark, & Shirl, & had a lot of crazy moments with my AU friends.

The end of March & the start of April was also something I am proud to brag about, cause I completely renewed my faith to God in my first 'Alay Lakad' from my house to Antipolo. Thanks to my old friends, we enjoyed stopping by every station until we reached the Antipolo church. Then we had dinner & a lot of midnight snacks in going back. It was extremely exhausting, but I was reminded of the sacrifices our loving Jesus Christ did just for us. & so I figured to continue the Holy Week.

I'm not a Catholic, but I don't really stick to one religion as well. I'm fond of being a born again Christian, but I like to think I am part of all the religions that only have my God to worship for. I don't discriminate other churches just because their traditions is different from what I usually experience, & I really appreciate the fact that I'm welcome in every house of God.

It was an Altruistic April for me; having to experience 'Alay Lakad', 'Siete Palabras', Black Saturday Mass (I'm not really sure about what they call it, but it was something like lighting of the fire & water...), & Salubong, it made me realize just how much I have to change myself & be more mature while growing in the presence of God. Completing the Holy Week was a rewarding experience for me.

Congratulations to my batchmates because we have graduated (by the way lol). We had our clinical graduation on the 5th of April in Manila Hotel & it was really a momentous & joyful moment for all of us. I never expected to finish my BSN this year, especially when I think about those times when I really wanted to stop because of the hindrances & bleak hope I was having back then. But now, I found myself walking with my Aunt Jane, just before my little brother had escorted my mom in the red carpet of the vicinity. We were both there, singing our graduation song, cheering & applausing on the clinical instructors & teachers who have shaped me up & encouraged me to study during my stay in Arellano, & at the same time on the medalists who really deserved to go up the stage & redeem their rightful places. I actually was late to realize that another chapter of my life was finished & I'm starting over another again.

Anyways, congratulations to all the graduates out there. You guys deserved my cyber bow, applause, cheers & hugs. There was never really an ending to life, but there will always be sweet colossal beginnings. More new songs (I promise) & new stories up ahead! God bless & take care everyone!

Starting on another journey... Aldrinne Leyva, BSN :)

Maladaptive March

2010-03-08T11:44:00.001+08:00

It's been over a month since I last posted something really mundane for you guys to read. The truth is, it's been a stressful February for me up until now, especially that I'm juggling all the school requirements for the upcoming graduation (Yes! I'm finally graduating) that will be happening next month. :)

Anyways, enough complaining. I still have a million things for me to be thankful for; I'm still intact with reality, that's for sure. & I have minimized my time with my ol' laptop ever since we broke our internet box thingy & the fixers haven't been dropping by our house to fix it- a good outcome from a bad incident.

It's a good thing I'm finished with our NCM & almost with our Audit. It's just that I have to find... or create more time for me to study for our upcoming preboards (or mock boards) on Saturday & Sunday. It's actually twenty percent of our Audit grade & it measures whether you're fit to take the July national local examinations so wish me luck on that.

The new header, or should I say, skyscraper for the month of March- March of the Lefty's! I'm kinda going for a cartoon effect on this year's set of skyscrapers. Just reliving my childhood creativity, that's all lol.

Anyhow, I just posted three new songs I made last November (I'm really late with the song updates, huh?) & I should get going now. Still ain't sure if I still have classes on my Asian Civilization (sheesh). It's not really a maladaptive month for me but, who ever said I wasn't maladaptive in the first place? ;)

Maladaptive love to you, Aldrinne :D

200th Song- One With Dreams

2010-03-08T10:30:00.002+08:00

One With Dreams

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

(Chorus)

Everybody gets on with their feet

Try to conquer their fears

They will stick to their peers

To be one with their dreams

(Repeat 2x)

Baby, I couldn’t really see your point here?

You said you wanna live happily

Maybe you lack the push of life anymore

Anymore, anymore oh

In every goal, there’s a problem for you

Every achievement, you should always be true

Life is difficult, but then again it’s your choice

(Repeat Chorus)

Baby, sometimes you have to give up something

To balance all the good & the bad

Maybe, try to instigate from your past

From you past

In every goal, there will be obstacles

Don’t play with fire, if you ain’t sure of you

Life is difficult, but then again it’s up to you

(It’s up to you)

(Repeat Chorus)

If your life is on the line

Change what’s not making you fine

Now be sure if you’re inclined

Never wait for time to fly

(Instrumental)

Everybody gets on with their feet

Try to conquer these fears

(Repeat 3x)

Everybody gets on with their feet

Are you one with dreams?

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Are you one with your dreams?

199th Song- Gibbous Moon

2010-03-08T10:29:00.000+08:00

Gibbous Moon

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Please close your eyes

I’ll sing you a lullaby

Take a picture

Of you sleeping on my shoulders

Carry your weight

& everything built in your faith

Our love has bloom

Just like a big gibbous moon

Big gibbous moon

Just like a big gibbous moon

After a quarter

Before it goes full

I’ll take you to my home

& we can plan our future

Mystery waits but then again I got my faith

Cause our love has bloom

Just like a big gibbous moon

(Chorus)

Forming the love at the wolf’s marked howl

Striving enough to find the sound

Light on my way, Promise to stay

We love to fail & we fail too soon

Cause our love has bloom

Just like a big gibbous moon

Bad dreams may fade

But it will come back to lay

All the jokes

& everything scares me to bleed

All the love & all of the hope

But I remain strong

Just like a big gibbous moon

(Repeat Chorus)

Open your eyes & see the room

Love’s always there but soon it’s doomed

Trust with me heart, don’t fall apart

We love to fail & we fail to love

Cause our love has bloom

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

198th Song- The Need To Protect You

2010-03-08T10:27:00.000+08:00

The Need to Protect You

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Sorry baby, I don’t know

You get so feverish & cold

I shouldn’t noticed from the start

But then I got mesmerized

By the way you talk to me

You always let me worry-free

But still I ain’t so guilty-free

Please don’t you spoil me too much

(Chorus)

You wake me up when everything’s over

I blinked for awhile then you’re better

I promised to love you forever

So please don’t you hide all your fears

The need to protect you is here

I always try to kiss your lips

Thought it’s the sole remedy

Sure enough that I believe

You complain when you feel (bad)

But never did you try to hide

The love that’s always worth a fight

Please instill the thought that I always be by your side

(Repeat Chorus)

Here

Sorry baby, I don’t know

I couldn’t even take control

But then again it’s just too much

When you hide your reasons to me

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

But then again I’m thankful

You’re loving me

Can't Surf?

2010-02-12T12:08:00.000+08:00

Neither can I. I'm going to get fixed... I mean, going to get this fixed lol. I promise I'll be back! :)

Hitting the waves soon, Aldrinne :D

197th Song- Two

2010-02-04T15:08:00.006+08:00

Two

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Two twenty two

Fighting against the storm

Running beyond

Two million people’s virtue

It’s two twenty two

I’m falling for you

& I can’t believe you do too

Life isn’t kind & I can’t be fine

When I can’t be by your side

(Chorus)

Now I always demand

Your attention span

You make me your man

When I play my tunes

You sing all my blues

& now I feel you

As if I am two

& I feel you too

I’m falling for you

(It’s like I am two)

Two twenty two

Twenty two minutes past two

It’s two once again

& you can make better amends

It’s like every morning

You sing me my song &

I’m always distracted by you

You bring me the sun &

Erase all the warnings

& now I can feel all the warmth

(Repeat Chorus)

Two twenty two

I’m falling for you

You sing me my blues

Two twenty two

& I can feel you

When I play my tunes

(Instrumental)

Two can be once

Two hearts are beating as one

Life is a place

Where we & our love can exist

Two is the name

& our love is great

Two people now can be one

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

196th Song- Everyday I Fall For You

2010-02-04T15:00:00.001+08:00

Everyday I Fall For You

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Everyday I fall for you

Listen baby
You always leave me restless
Broken hearted
You always have the advantage

So now before you go
I’ll close the doors
& try to let you know

(Chorus)
Everyday, it’s all the same
You kiss my lips
& play a game
Still, it’s all so new to me
Everyday, I go insane
You give me chills
I can’t resist
& everyday I fall for you

Conditions are unfair
We keep this thing like an affair
But then who needs ‘em?
As long as I got you in here

So please, please
Don’t you go
I’m here alone
Don’t want it anymore
(Repeat Chorus)

& I keep on falling in love
Keep on falling in love
Keep on falling in love
Keep on falling in love
Listen, baby
I can survive the world with you
(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Mitchy Mitch

2010-02-03T16:53:00.000+08:00

This two photos were taken before the 'networking' incident arrived. Mitch Martinez, with her sexy body, has been destined to become my teacher other than my friend; this girl taught me one of the greatest lessons to become successful in life- the value of money. Yes, for almost one & a half year she has inspired me to persevere & work 'legally' for money. To sum it all up, Mitch is an incredible woman with a big heart (not physically) & with a special purpose in life.

Thank you Mitchy, Aldrinne :D

No-Mad

2010-02-03T09:35:00.000+08:00

Experience truly is the best teacher. Once you get to decide on doing something, whether good or bad, intentionally or the opposite, it is you're right to learn from it. It's your responsibility, however, to inculcate & make it right.

Humans aren't much used to perfection even when they do think they are. It's not their fault though, because life exists the way it should be to make the world go round. Perfection, though, is more likely associated with mistakes; Mistakes play a major role in to developing our character, which singles out a person from anyone.

Mistakes, however, should permanently abode in the person's cognition. When it wronged you before, you know you're less likely to do it again, & that makes you a wiser person.

When you tend to do it over & over again... & what you're doing is affecting the people who love you other than yourself, then it's just like you're running away from your responsibilities to be better.

Getting angry at the wrong time, at the wrong place, at the wrong person with words that stabs someone's heart is the best experience I had, in a bad way. Even when you did learn something from it, doing it again & again won't bring you good. Nevertheless, I will try to change.

No to Mad, Aldrinne

Ninoy

2010-01-30T22:10:00.002+08:00

I just finished watching Maalaala Mo Kaya tonight; it's all about Ninoy & the late president Cory Aquino's fight for democracy. I had no idea Ninoy had a 40-day hunger strike, & it ignited my Filipino blood. The Filipinos really are worth dying... & living for.

I am Ninoy, Aldrinne :D

Clockstopper

2010-01-30T00:23:00.002+08:00

It's twelve o'clock in the morning & I have to wake up early for Course Audit... oh well. I don't have a typical sleeping pattern anyway.. lol

Just wanna drop by my blog. It feels so good to have my blogging time despite the busy schedule I have for this last semester. I mean, since we couldn't have time for everything, then we have to MAKE time, right?
I'm also happy to the fact that I'm almost done fixing all the things that've been piling up in my to-do list. It's pretty funny how I was complaining the other day about the documentation, my STS video project, my paperworks, leadership thingy, transcript of record etcetera, & now it looks like I could really finish this set of assignments on time. Other than those academic requirements, I've also managed to find some time going back to my usual small group & to my church routine.

Anyways, I kinda suck at posting my songs here in my blog. I should've posted all two hundred of 'em last year but I couldn't really force every compositions in one schedule; I need to show one to three songs as my regular song posts just so people could appreciate them. Unlike when you posted twenty songs at once, you guys will never read all of them. Anyways, I'm trying to find a day where I should be posting some of my songs just to update you guys.

Anyways, this has been great. I get to talk to you guys through my blog again. God bless & have a happy weekend everyone. Thank you for sticking through LJ for the last three years. :)

Making time, Aldrinne :D

Hey there Eyes...

2010-01-25T02:48:00.001+08:00

You have been seeing different kinds of stuff lately, stuff that proved that life can be serene despite its dreadful diabolical difficulty. You have seen the nature of positivity in a negative situation.

You have been searching for a nature-studded environment, where you can breathe easily without frustrations & allergies are just a thing of the past. You have seen imagination & creativity capturing the imagery of your surroundings, whether it looks the opposite.

You have been glancing to those people next to you; these people who are laughing in spite of the calamities they're going through, these people who are sacrificing themselves just to paved way for other's interests & desires, these people who have been silent when it comes to their hopes & dreams, & these people who are trying to stand up after a very bad fall. It makes you happy, that everytime you look at them, you see peace amidst the storm & love amidst the hatred.

You have been looking beyond what is being neglected, & that is the beauty of the world. It's very difficult to look past those wars, destructions, murders, felonies, & torts. However, it's fascinating how your vision, how physiologically limited it may be, can see beyond the walls of torture & sadness... & into a utopia of complete & utter happiness.

Behind these hazel eyes, Aldrinne :D

More Paperworks

2010-01-21T15:17:00.000+08:00

Documentations

Nursing leadership

More NCM paper works

Grades & Transcript of Records

Course Audit

STS Video Project

Asian Civilization Research

Rizal Midterms

Shoot! Flux! Dang it! Argh!

Waves of tribulation... in the form of paper, Aldrinne

About Time

2010-01-21T14:50:00.001+08:00

Hey everyone! Sorry for the late blog updates; Recently I've been so busy juggling almost all the requirements needed since the first week of January. I couldn't really find the time to make a suitable blog post until now.

So other than the successful outcome of our seminar, which solely became a precursor for the other section's seminar activities. It's amazing how the people in our class reunited & settled their indifference to make the seminar more creative, & in the end almost everyone became friends with each other.

There are happy outcomes... & sad outcomes as well.

Believe me when I say when I love our course audit- the reviews & lectures are amazing, but what I really hate is the fact that I've been reclustered to another branch of our school which is so far from my house. I mean, what's the point of enrolling in AU Pasig if you'll end up in Legarda?

All in all, I'm still doing great amidst the roller coaster of problems I've been riding in. Wish me luck on the weeks to come you guys! Songs will be posted this week! God bless & take care everyone!

It's about time I made a blog post again, Aldrinne :D

Twenty!

2010-01-20T01:06:00.000+08:00

Oh flux. I just completed my second decade of life. Here goes my 20's... Thank you for the birthday greeting you guys! God bless & take care everyone! I promise- more blog post after this last busy week! Good times.

20 on 1/20/2010, Aldrinne :)

It's Okay

2010-01-15T11:03:00.001+08:00

I told you before (or kinda pointed it out), happiness is not just an emotion, it's also a decision. You don't have to be caught up in the rain throughout the whole day- even rain doesn't last for long. Even when the world is revolving in tribulations, at the end of the day... it's really okay.

Smile now, Aldrinne :D

Paternal Decisions

2010-01-14T08:12:00.003+08:00

Three or four months ago I emailed my dad telling him all sorts of things that he needed to hear even just for once. It's not exactly the type of email people usually sent to their loved ones- more likely the type of a threatening email.

Yes, I cursed him. For the first time in my life, I cursed my father through email.

I know it's bad & it's purely evil, insensitive & selfish in my part. Believe me, I myself am guilty of pulling off a stunt like that. He's still my biological father who somehow gave me life, was there in my childhood years, & sacrificed his youth just to be an early father. No matter how I put it, I'm still his son, & I understand that I have no right to curse my parents even when they're wrong.

When I think about it, it's like I haven't gone to elementary or even nursery & prep because of the things I told him. I learned respect a long time ago & I should've been applying it as well.

However, sometimes there are instances where you blow up & have to find somebody or something to lease it to. True, displacement is an immature form of defense mechanism, but people tend to find the fastest way to show their emotions, & that night, when I saw my mom being tortured with grief (not because of their relationship, but because of how she's having a difficult time managing us three kids alone), I felt hatred & angst towards my father, & the nearest thing I could possibly use for my father to know that I'm angry at him was in front of me- my laptop.

I've constantly emailed my dad, begging him to help my mom out through financial support. It's pretty stupid of me to wait for his replies cause I'm not getting any of them, even for one bit last year. Maybe my father couldn't have the guts to make a reply since he already had two kids to take care for. I figured he's not getting my emails until the recent incident, but I haven't given up on our last form of communication.

It must've been difficult for my father to make a reply & explain how he's having a hard time to support us financially, but in my opinion, it's better to let your kids know how you have been doing & apologize cause you couldn't constantly support them than ignore their emails. I mean, what's the point of ignoring your kids when they know you left them for another family? He's got nothing to lose, actually, cause I'm pretty much used to him making decisions that only benefits him & not his 'original' family.

I told my mom about how my father told my grandma about my hate email, & she honestly couldn't blame me at all. I told her I should stop judging him, but she explained to me that I'm not being judgmental... I'm just being honest- there's a difference. Being judgmental is more like defining a person you don't really know, but when you really know him anyway, even when you already gave him many chances or a lot of benefit of the doubt, that's not being judgmental at all.

It's kinda too late to give my father a piece of my advice, but I'll say it anyway...

There are many different kinds of decisions in life

Some are big & some are small

Some affects you, some affects all

Decisions are like promises- not to be broken

They're not like computers- with an undo button

Before you make a decision, never neglect

Those who'll be affected & its effect

-Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Write Up... Down

2010-01-12T18:27:00.001+08:00

It's annoying when people would ask for a favor & wouldn't appreciate you after you give it to them. Argh, I didn't even want to help this person considering my busy schedule last week but I still made it, & now he ignores my text & FB messages. Argh!

So this year all of my friends both from Arellano & GCIC will be graduating, including me. Obviously, year book pictures are in the rage today, even though I don't feel AU is making our year book now. Nevertheless, my GCIC friends, of course, have been requesting write ups for their year book.

It a-okay in my part since this is just a little something I could do just to be part of the year book, & it's actually my own way of showing my appreciation for being able to tolerate a friend like me lol. It may take a little of patience in their part though, cause I'm really... what do you say... obsessive compulsive when it comes to making write ups- a little thing I learned ever since I read my crappy high school write ups exactly four years ago.

Believe it or not, I actually wanted to do those write ups myself. I did a couple of write ups, relaying it either through paper, text messages, email & FB messages. One of these people is an old friend of mine- he asked me if I could make him a write up & it was the time when I was doing my seminar activities (Oh I remember my seminar... no sleep for almost two days!). I still agreed but I told him to wait for it on Saturday. I noticed how he 'commanded' me to make him one & to make it wonderful, but I didn't mind since it's the New Year seasons & I'm tired of arguing already.

He asked for it a day later & I told him to wait for it cause I'm still dead tired from the seminar I just had. On the next day I sent him my write up through my phone- it took me time to send it since I really wanted to make an effort to it, & I waited for his reply but never got anything. Walang load, I guess.

Two or three days later, I asked him on his Facebook wall if he received it, no answer. I then went to school for the whole day & when I got back, still no reply. To my surprise, he even posted a new shoutout on his wall... & I thought why is he ignoring me. I even sent him a private message & still, no reply. That made me furious!

I couldn't comprehend how someone would ask... more like command to make him a write up & would completely ignore it. Dang it! I made a really big effort in making something like that. A piece of advice to you kids out there- a thank you note would go a long, long way.

Learning to say 'NO', Aldrinne

Happy Ending

2010-01-11T23:25:00.000+08:00

There will always be a happy ending in this story... I just know it. Aldrinne

Another Dead End

2010-01-11T15:50:00.000+08:00

I've been asking myself a lot lately about how many people, especially even families & friends, could actually have the guts to enter one's personal life & ruin it.

Just to be clear, friends can share almost everything, but there's a limit to it. There are boundaries to any life's stories & events, & sometimes there are things that you & God should only know about. That's why it's called 'personal' in the first place.

This week I realized that not only the people are designed to focus on your negativities, even friends can somehow wanted to be entertained by the things you keep to yourself & not look on the positive things of life. All I'm saying is that it hurts that they don't compliment or appreciate the good things that you did for them, but they focus more on the things that fill up their curios minds.

The least they can do is to shut up but they can't do it, & when you confront them they'll tell you that they'll protect you. What's there to protect, anyway? Did they protect me when I went through a lot of hell-like situations last year? They weren't there & all they could is to blab about the words 'everything's gonna be alright.'

I haven't heard the whole story... trust me, I heard enough... I had enough. Goodbye negativities! Goodbye negative people. Goodbye trust.

Surrounded by intoxications, Aldrinne

195th Song- Go On

2010-01-11T15:23:00.002+08:00

Go On

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Go on, anticipate the day I’ll walk away

Go on, tell me ‘gain why I’ll leave you someday

& everytime I think about

All the lines you’re speaking out

I told you, I will love you so

You don’t believe me anymore

(Chorus)

Go on

& now you tell me I have changed

Go on

It’s as if your efforts are that great

Go on, go on, go on

Come on, why you question if I’m satisfied?

Come on, why’d I have to coexist with lies?

& all the time I feel the signs

It’s like I couldn’t cross this line

& enter in your world before

Don’t you love me anymore?

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

You’re always asking

Was this the right thing?

Then if I ask you

You’d change the topic

You’re always acting

Like I don’t notice

Are you committed?

Cause I’m not quitting

(Repeat Chorus 3x)

Anticipate the day I’ll walk away

Tell me ‘gain the reasons I won’t stay

194th Song- Don't Know You Anymore

2010-01-11T15:20:00.002+08:00

Don’t Know You Anymore

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Are you falling in love out of pity?

Are you falling in love just because you want me?

But you don’t need me & you can’t see me

So now are you happy, happily hurting me?

Your love was the only excuse, for me to trust you

& if I ask you about your world, you get so confused

I only want to know you

This is about our failure

So now are you doubting?

Doubtingly loving me?

(Chorus)

& it’s so easy, it’s so easy

For you to make up through the storm

& am I worthy? Am I worthy?

To see the old person in you

& now we’re crying

It’s like I don’t you anymore

You always negate, negate all my worries

Do you ever know why I love you so badly?

& I just wanna know you

& everything ‘bout you

So please don’t ignore me, ignorantly loving me

(Repeat Chorus)

It’s like I don’t know you anymore

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus)

It’s like I don’t know you anymore

193rd Song- Pointless

2010-01-11T15:19:00.002+08:00

Pointless

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

All through my life I’ve faced the dark

No one beside me, when I fall apart

So I tried to focus on my senselessness

Tried to believe in my own competence

Saw you the moment I can’t comprehend

Time had stood still, but I built up a fence

& now I was stuck in a pedestal where

I feel too late to you who was then there

(Chorus)

But then you never turn your back

When I was suffering

Now I tried to close my eyes

I was surprised

You were holding me

When you are here

It’s as if I’m just like in a dream

& now I just realized everything

It all seems so pointless to me

I set a fire when you were gone

I ‘lone faced the music until I moved on

But when I was burning, feeling all the flames

You have clenched my hand, remained as my friend

I seek all the valleys so I’d understand

What are the meanings of your kind amends?

You were unsure of my own demands

But you have a pure heart, I’m thankful for that

(Repeat Chorus)

I felt all your pain when you shouldered my world

I gave you my threshold & things I’ve to control

I’m less of a fighter, but you made me strong

& now with you, I can conquer the world

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

& I realized

You’re only for me

& everything that’s not for you

& everyone except for you

Seem so pointless to me

192nd Song- Cheated

2010-01-11T15:17:00.003+08:00

Cheated

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Called me Justin on the phone

On our date, you named me Paul

You then said ‘I love you Mark’

After that, you called me John

Weeks then followed, ‘gain no show

Phoned you but no dial tone

I think you’ve just forgotten me

& the rest of us who feels

(Chorus)

Cheated

My name ain’t Ryan, Shane or James

Cheated

Am I just one of your collections?

Cheated Can you just separate our love from your game

My name ain’t cheated

You appeared like what you did

In Dave’s story ‘bout a cheat

Said ‘I’m sorry, forgive me Ben’

I did what Eric did then

If you love someone, you don’t know

She was playing my heart like Ron’s

Like how Den, Jed & Ian said

She would never ever change

(Yes I’m)

(Repeat Chorus)

Poor old me, it felt so real

Like what Bill & Henry feel

So now I stand infront of you

Will you do the same to me?

Guess I’m

(Repeat Chorus 3x)

My name ain’t Erwin, Kevin or Sam

My name ain’t Christopher or Ram

My name ain’t Richard, George, or Jim

My name ain’t Yuan, Drew or Tim

(Fades away)

Successions

2010-01-10T07:13:00.001+08:00

It's been almost a month since I told myself not to be stuck with any problems & misconceptions anymore, especially that it's the Christmas season, the new year is coming & the seminar date is fast approaching. Every emotion had to be put away, & although I have gained temporary emotional stability, it still didn't stop me to go crying every night.

It's just something I have to do to lease out the different & mixed feelings that I have from the seminar & all the problems I'm trying to juggle with. I was in a state of not trying to break down since a lot of people depend on me, plus I sank myself to every possible work I could get like being the master of the ceremony in our seminar, becoming part of the technical team, registration & invitations team, & the food committee, & I was originally part of the documentation team!

My highschool friend Karen also helped me a lot- encouraging me up in her abode, listening to all my complaints & troubles, & told me to remain silent from all these things. But last night was different, cause I had to defend myself since people are being affected, & I couldn't just shrug it off easily.

It was rather a relief in my part, since there are still people who protect me inspite of all those things, but I'm not a kid anymore & I don't need protection from... nobody. Just wanna say thanks to those people who made me think that this is going nowhere.

Congratulations to my classmates for being able to pull of the seminar. I just wish I can take the pressure of our Audit Midterms today. Sigh...

Blunders again, Aldrinne

New Year's Recollections, Retributions & Resolutions

2010-01-03T14:53:00.003+08:00

Just to formally say my farewell to 2009, I have thought about a list of what I have learned from last year's drama. It was a roller coaster ride of a journey, & I'm certain I'll be sticking to the moral lessons I have inculcated from that experience.

First off, I learned how to avoid unnecessary, daring & completely stupid stunts that can ruin & destroy my character & dignity just for the sake of fun & 'being cool'. Yeah, I'm talking about the Youtube videos that got me in big trouble. Maybe because of that, I even had the trauma to make a video for our seminar presentation & my STS project! Just to be clear to everyone, I'm still having second thoughts about future Youtube video exposure, but one thing is clear, I'm not gonna be doing that again.

Another thing I learned from last year is to not associate money from friendship. It's a common fact that business & pleasure doesn't go well with each other. It's not really pleasure though, but friends aren't likely to be future business partners too. They are there during your happy & sad times, but they couldn't really support you financially either. For me, friendship is always at risk once you get 'down to business', & sometimes you could lose both- exactly like what happened to me.

I've always used to keep my feet on the ground, but then again I sometimes think of myself as important or better than other people. It's not that I never learned how to be humble, it's just that there are times when you have to inspire others to be like you. But last year I just went overboard, maybe because I had to (especially in the networking business). If you ask me, I won't be needing appreciation from everyone else, but to those people who know me.

I usually tend to promise something just to end a conversation or a quarrel whatsoever, but in the end it always results to me breaking them. I over-promise & destroy their trust, & last year was like a whole lot of promising & breaking. It's actually in my character to act before I think again, so this time I'm gonna make sure that I'll think first before I say or do anything.

Maybe it looks like I'm negating myself, but I'm just pointing out all the bad personality I need so that I could really turn into a respectable & good person. This year it's all about focusing on my studies, having time to myself & to all my TRUEST love ones & friends (who never backstab me nor leave me), graduating & passing the local boards, acquiring three hundred compositions or more, maintaining my physical fitness & making sure that I think before I do anything.

I learned a lot last year, hopefully I won't be making the same mistakes again... I'm sure enough that I won't be making them again! & I wish I could make use of these life lessons to avoid any further tribulation.

I'm gonna be preparing for the start of school & my orientation in Philippine Orthopedic Center tomorrow. More songs coming up this week, I promise! God bless & take care everyone! Have a happy back-to-school week! Cheers to 2010!

Goodbye '09 & Hello '10, Aldrinne :D

From '09 To '10

2009-12-31T15:53:00.000+08:00

This morning, I received a text message from my high school friend of mine- 'If you could undo a day that happened this year, would you want to spend that day the way you did it again or would you do it differently?'

It's not really the type of New Year greeting I would have expected to receive (lol), but the question actually hit me... a lot. What day could've possibly made everything right? What day should I've spent differently?

Although I did start this year with wonderful & life changing expectations, there will always be a way God will show me to prevent me from falling off my course. I've always been thankful for God's decisions for my life & I really love Him for setting up my path that I should take.

This year, however, was very different. This year, the things that I never imagined happening to me did happen. This year, I've lost almost everything that I value. This year, it was seriously a hell of a coaster ride. Trifles can cause so much tribulation, & my life became a ticking bomb.

I could've undo my actions from... (insert the words Youtube, transferring schools, networking, losing some trust, losing my dignity, losing friends, losing everything... just plain everything)...

But then again, without these events I could've turned into someone more selfish, more arrogant, more black-hearted & more self-centered than I have become. It wasn't supposed to go this far, & there are a lot of people that contributed to my actions & character, but in the end I know there's no one else to blame but myself.

Maybe it wasn't the right question for me to answer or it wasn't the right question at all. The question is more like what the type of person I should've turned into if all that events didn't happen to me at all. I was imagining of a monster...

When I think about it, it seems like I was pretty blessed after all. It's not the usual blessings you get everyday, but I believe these blessings in disguise are designed to bring more happiness, simplicity & contentment in the long run.

Now let me have this virtual toast for everyone who passed through the dark tunnel of life & into the light. Cheers for a more prosperous & brighter New Year! Now it's time for me to write the bad stuff I don't want to happen this year in a piece of paper & burn it- my own yearly-tradition! Thank you God for another fruitful LJ year!

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne :D

Bye Brittany...

2009-12-29T16:50:00.006+08:00

The world mourned on the 20th of December when a news broke out that Brittany Murphy died due to cardiac arrest at the age of 32. It was one of the most devastating news this year, since it's Christmas time & everyone seems enjoying the season.

I received the news on that very day when I was surfing my Facebook on my mobile phone & one of my friends posted a shoutout 'R.I.P. Brittany Murphy' & it got my eyes fully dilated cause it wasn't the usual news that you see everyday. I asked her if this was true since I couldn't fathom the fact that she went away. Unfortunately, it was.

It seems like I'm just like one of the regular bloggers who instantly become fans when some famous star passes away. Trust me, I'm not. I couldn't even accept it for days- the reason why I couldn't post a blog about it. However, when I was reflecting on how I have been losing a lot of 'who's' & 'what's' in my life lately, I thought about her.

It's pretty stupid when I told you guys that Brittany & I were close (It looks stupid in text as well lol). Again I'm not some people who became fans with someone whenever he or she passes away; I show my deep condolences but I don't pretend I'm a fan of Heath Ledger or Michael Jackson etc., although I appreciate their works.

But Brittany Murphy. Sigh.

I became her fan because of the movie Clueless. Yup! One of those flicks that likely started a pop culture about teenage royalty & status quo type of movies. It was one of my favorite flicks of all time & I really like her character there. & it didn't stop there...

I really like 'Uptown Girls' & (I betcha don't know this flick) 'Little Black Notebook' where she starred in. That movie was very memorable to me because I was inspired to do blogging & find more opportunities in life when she said 'I believe we write our own stories and each time we think we know the end... we don't.' Plus, it's really a good movie, hands down!

Of course, who couldn't forget her role as 'Gloria' in Happy Feet?! Because of her version of 'Somebody to Love', it actually became part of my playlist on my iPod.

In a way, I actually became close to her. She was like one of those women who can brighten up anyone's day by her smile & her glow. She was like one of the glow-in-the-dark stickers in a dark room, very noticeable.

Life can be very short; sufferings are there but there are more than happiness you could find in it. It's surprising to see someone who has the potential to do more in his or her life pass away. We couldn't blame them, really, for God knows there's a reason for everything that has happened. We couldn't control life or time... & that's sad when you want more from life.

However, the very best we can do is to live a life full of happiness & contentment amidst the sunny or stormy weather. We can live a great life by doing the right thing, appreciating the blessings that you're receiving & try to focus on your goals & to those people who really love & care for you. Don't focus on how much you have been losing, but focus on how much blessings you have been receiving. All in all, when it's time to go, you just know you have lived a great life.

Something I just thought during my reflection. Good times! God bless & an advanced Happy New Year to everyone! More songs coming up this week! Until then, may you rest in peace, Brittany. We love you! See you up there!

Shaping in, shipping, out, Aldrinne

191st Song- Past Time

2009-12-27T15:42:00.003+08:00

This song should've been my 199th song or something. Since I wrote this song for my friend Lota Laggui & she's been waiting to see the song I wrote for her, I guess it's time to post this song to show my appreciation for following my blog. Enjoy everyone, especially you Lotacris! :)
Past Time

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Radio host, play my songs

I know that you can feel all my emotions

Hold on, why postpone?

I couldn’t breathe enough in this pay phone

Play faster, I’m crying

You know that I’m still walking

Still having my moment

I cannot break apart here

(Chorus)

Why is my song ain’t playing?

I shouldn’t hear your voice explaining

I could’ve seen all the signs

I thought you gave your heart to me

I’ve always been your past time

Radio host, fill my thoughts

I’m still in the process of moving on

Tear drops, don’t you drop

I couldn’t understand what I’m hearing

& feeling, I’m shaking

You get alternative for killing

I thought it’s an ending

Where everything’s what I’m expecting

(Repeat Chorus)

So if you think I’m weak

I’m only starting to turn the wheel

(I’m turning the wheel)

I know that there’s a time

Where I collect all what’s mine

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Radio host, please play my song

Light-Year

2009-12-27T15:03:00.002+08:00

I woke up this morning in a nonchalant but melancholy atmosphere. There was a period of silence- probably the best time to think & remember. I thought about everything that has happened this year.

Trust me, I'm not getting emotional or bitter like a few people you know. It's just my own way of appreciating the glorious moments of greatness & weakness.

God loves me so much, & there can never be anything that can surpass that unconditional love. Sometimes He shows His love by giving me wealth, providing me good health, & protecting me from anything or anyone that could cause me danger.

However, there are times when God shows His love by giving me the problems, sufferings, blasphemies, & crisis with equal or greater importance to my life & character. Those moments of self-destruction have proven to be helpful in my life, amidst the pain & stress my threshold couldn't endure.

Yes, I learned something out of all of it.

If I have to elaborate all of them, it'll be frustrating to me & to all of you readers out there- I mean, do I have to go over all of them again? lol. But seriously though, from that school turmoil, video scandals upto the business blunders, I feel so blessed that I have learned to be a stronger, careful, & wiser person.

Gaining knowledge & experience hasn't really been something that brings a big impact in my life, but when I start reflecting on your life, those things have been the ones that helped me make my everyday decisions.

The decision to live.

The decision to move forward & not look back.

The decision to finish my studies.

The decision to turn the right way.

The decision to stay away from what I think is bad.

The decision to be happy.

The decision to love.

The decision to take risks.

The decision to get hurt.

The decision to accept challenges.

The decision to avoid mistakes.

The decision to make the most out of life.

The decision to anticipate the problems.

The decision to laugh, cry, or get angry.

The decision to fight.

The decision to remain silent.

The decision to be the person who I want to be.

The decision to stand up.

The decision to make a good decision.

Those moments of greatness & failure, thus, have made me a better person. I'm not perfect, but being imperfect makes me one after all. All these things came this year... this year of light. Peace be with all of us. :)

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne

The Ultimate Gift

2009-12-25T01:58:00.001+08:00

It's two hours after Christmas & I'm still not feeling tired surfing the internet. I couldn't get to send a text message because the network's all messed up, so I'm leasing my anger by doing a productive Christmas blog post! That's virtual sublimation right there! lol

Anyways, I really enjoyed the annual candlelight ceremony at Cathedral of Praise awhile ago. It was one of the best Christmas presentations that I've ever been in. I really felt the strong presence of God in the church, especially during times of praise & worship.

The world has been used to buying presents for Christmas; it's like a worldwide tradition that Christmas is the time where you expect your loved ones to give you gifts or the other way around. Giving & receiving presents this Christmas became a tradition because it was likely associated to the fact that this day is when God has given the biggest & ultimate gift of all- Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ is the reason we celebrate Christmas. When He was born, we automatically received salvation & justification. He sacrificed Himself just for us to be saved. I was touched by how the pastor said 'We did not found God, God found us.' That's how much God loves each & everyone of us, & I'm really thankful for receiving the gift.

After the church, we went to McDonald's & have a little Christmas dinner there. It was the same fast food chain where we had our dinner last Christmas. I also get to hang out with my two cousins Princess & Ruth. It was a blast!

Anyways, I think I really have to go to bed now so I could wake up early later & celebrate Christmas with my family! God bless, take care, Merry Christmas & a Happy LJ to you everyone! :)

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne :D

500th Post

2009-12-24T13:44:00.000+08:00

A lot of blessings have been coming over the past few months since the day I decided to get out from everything that're giving me waves of tribulation. I changed schools, promulgated my resignation from my company, focused on my studies more than anything, & remained silent in my new environment- just keep on observing while hiding my past from these people.

However, these accidents have proven to be worthy after all, because it thought me how to keep my feet back on the ground, thought me how to appreciate even the simplest or smallest things life has been giving, thought me how to encourage people than destroy them, thought me how to live simple & serene, & most of all thought me how to love the people who love me.

Because of that I stood up again... seriously stood up again & looked forward than turn back. Moving on has never been this good, I presumed.

Blessings have also extended through the virtual world- not only did I get to write upto 200 songs, I also get to reach 500 posts before the end of this year. God is a great God indeed, & everything has always been fruitful amidst these problems.

If I still give my appreciation to each & any one of you, it would be so cliche already lol, so I'll just promise to give my best when it comes to blogging! More artworks, stories & entertainment just for you readers out there!

Just to give you my own Christmas treats, I have uploaded the blog headers that have shown significance in my life throughout this year. Show your favorite blog header by commenting below! Merry Christmas & Happy LJ to everyone of you! I love you!

January 2009- Janua-llan 2009

February 2009- Februa-llan 2009

March 2009- Music Mayhems & More

April 2009- Relax! Have a cool LJ!

May 2009- Mayrrier than Ever!

June 2009

July 2009- Rainovation

July 2009 B- Cory Aquino

August 2009- Augusternational

September 2009- Support in September

October 2009- Movin on...

November 2009- Sweet November

December 2009- Christmas Celebration

Will be waiting on your votes! Adventure to 600th post will begin soon! God bless & take care everyone! I will always be the Aldrinne you know!

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne :D

¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨
¨°º¤ø„ LEFTY’S JOURNAL¸„ø¤º°
¸„ø¤º°¨CELEBRATION“°º¤ø„¸
¸„ø¤º¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø

190th Song- Marks & Sparks (14th Album Title)

2009-12-23T22:06:00.006+08:00

Marks & Sparks

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

People know about you & me

I don’t mind what they could find out

As long as you are here

If fate takes you away

& baby you can’t stay

No worries, I am the captain of my ship (Sail away)

Directions never will I be good at it

Simple instructions always lead me to you

Baby don’t you cry

Waiting for a sign

No worries, I am the captain of my ship

(Chorus)

X marks the spot (marks & sparks)

Just flare a spark

Everyday when I wake up

It feels like new adventures start

You are my goal

I’ll take you home

You are the only treasure I could keep

The only explanation is

These marks & sparks

It’s getting colder whenever you’re not around

I thought love was just a legend until you appear

If lightning strikes again

& storm waves took me days

No worries, I will do everything for you

(Repeat Chorus)

If ever you settled to someone much better

Listen I’d never look for treasure anymore

Cause you’re the only one I need

I’m a sailor, I can keep

A promise forever

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Let’s sail away

189th Song- Defying & Defining (13th Album Title)

2009-12-23T22:01:00.001+08:00

Defying & Defining

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

You’re just like the sound of my alarm

I didn’t notice I was struggling in the pit of my heart

You woke me up when I’m breaking down on my brim

I’ll let it go; you’d solved me anyway

Like a bullet that shot pass through my brain

But then again, you’re still the one who brought me sane

I followed what my heart was trying to say

I couldn’t postpone the love you give for me to seize the day

(Chorus)

You’ve changed me to the point I defy my quality

I know there’s something wrong when it’s you I see

Though it feels like I’ve became so wiser now

It’s hard to define myself for now

Like an angel protecting me from every harm

Every part of you makes me all numb

It’s like I suffered, moved out, set up anew

First I was depressed, but I met you

(Repeat Chorus)

But I am happy

Defy, define myself

I am happy defying, defining you

(Repeat)

& there’s something I need to say to you

If you think there ain’t no happening in my June

That was the moment I met you

& now I’m still rejoicing for loving you

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

I am happy defying me

I don’t worry defining me

Can you tell me you loving me was real?

So I could tell you I’m ready for a new life too

Defying & defining me

Defying & defying you

188th Song- Go Retro

2009-12-23T12:45:00.001+08:00

Go Retro

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Like the big bang dust
Your life is full of creaks

Shrug them over

& do the basic thing

(Never need to complicate things)

When you lover’s a jerk

& everyone’s hurt

Tell him it’s over

While spreading all his dirt

(Never need to caught in between)

(Chorus)

So when everything is breaking

& while everyone is moving

Have to go

Go retro

& when everyone is complicating

Just to make a living

Have to go, go

Go retro

& when your vertigo screams

& you shiver in the heat

Try to take a pill

Be sure you’re gonna heal

(Always look on your surroundings)

No need to race with time

Try to be sublime

No need to waste your energy

From doing a stupid crime

(Always stay on the positive side)

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Velvet ruby studded flame

Strut that body

No pain, no gain

Vintage techno killer shades

Universe sees all your fame

(Repeat 2x)

(Repeat Chorus 3x)

187th Song- Hey There Heart

2009-12-23T12:42:00.000+08:00

Hey There Heart
Allan Aldrinne Leyva

I always wanna be on top of my game

Envied by the people as they call out my name

Little by little, climbing up to my fame

But when I looked at you, it made me kinda insane

I couldn’t even hide my id from you

Your plan is working, bet you already knew

My heart is screaming, can I turn it off?

I get the feeling that I turned soft

(Chorus)

Hey there heart, won’t you stay with me?

Prioritize your career

What you’re feeling ain’t real

Chase your dreams, not this fantasy

She’s just someone for a fling

Tell me what’s really the deal?

Which one do you choose?

Your heart or your goals

Which one do you leave?

Your feelings or dreams

Which one do you get?

Try not to forget

Hey heart don’t be cruel

You’re an incompetent fool

At first I thought I’m gonna win this love-fame game

I know I got the weapons to get you inflamed

Second every second I divulge in your treat

No, I get to focus or I’d fall down to my feet

I couldn’t even hide my id from you

Your plan is working, bet you already knew

My heart is screaming, can I turn it off?

I get the feeling that I turned soft

(Repeat Chorus)

Breathing’s lost & beating’s weak

Pulse is absent

I must resist

(Repeat)

I think I’m falling in love (Repeat 3x)

(Repeat Chorus)

(Chorus)

Hey there heart won’t you stay with me

I choose what’s good for you

& what is good for me too

All your dreams, I know will happen in time

But first, let her be your wife

I knew your heart is your life

Someday you could use

Your heart for your goals

Someday you could live

Both feelings & dreams

I know what you’ll get

You wouldn’t forget

Hey heart now I’m sure
We’re all incompetent fools
Hey there heart

186th Song- Electrifying Love

2009-12-23T12:30:00.016+08:00

Electrifying Love

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Insulating lips surround my heart

It’s never gonna turn up a spark

Non-creative beating of my heart

Always ends into the start

Where I fall in love with everyone else

Your job is to save me by love & self-defense

(Chorus)

But my love for you glows

It’s like a lightning bolt

The thing that you need is to see & to feel

I’m always pulling the plug

Couldn’t even restart

So give me a beat & your electrifying love

Never needed some old time machine

I’m anticipating you in this scene

I could always email all my faith

I know it would’ve gone to your bin

So I pick up all my excuses

Relive the moments that would change your path to me

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

Your eyes are glowing from the distance

We fall in love after in this dance

(Repeat Chorus 3x)

Thanks-civilizing

2009-12-19T00:46:00.006+08:00

Seven days more & it's Christmas time. Did you receive your gifts already? Are you preparing a list for your noche buena already? I don't. I prefer being spontaneous rather than the old predictable Aldrinne.

Anyways, I just celebrated my mom's birthday today. She told me not to reveal her age so I'm gonna put it that way. She has always been my personal motivator & inspiration. I gotta hand it to her, even in the pits of hell she knows how to manage us three alone with school & everything else. She's like my very own barkada- I can practically call her my big sister rather than a mom. Anywho, kudos to my mom who just turned another year full of memorable & legendary experiences. Here's a photo of her when she's at her 90's.

I also get to finish 200 songs! Yeah! You know what, half of the year I get to go through hell alone & suffered too much by getting 'voluntarily' kicked out of school & being the image of a bad citizen, but when I think about it, the other half of the year was one of the blessings I have ever received in my life.

From June up until today, I get to appreciate more what Jesus has done in my life, I get to meet a new set of classmates that influenced me to exert more effort as a student, I get to experience how love can make you so happy & contented, & I also get to learn the things I haven't learned when I was in my old school. I don't blame them, I'm just lost in my path back then.

However, even when I had to go through a lot of tribulations, I still have a constant goal which I've aimed for from the start of this year which is to have 200 songs or more. If you're following me on Twitter, I've finally done it last night! It was really one of the best moments of my life, even if it just happened in my bedroom & that no one cares, but seriously guys! It's like my own personal diary (well, aside from LJ... well, they're both public diaries but at least there's a story behind my songs... whatever) that I like to share with the world through turning in into music.

Anyways, there are a lot of people that I really want to thank for intentionally & unintentionally shaping me up for the past couple of years or months or days, or hours even. It's been a crazy journey again & it was as if everything was turning out so great. Just so you know, I've chosen the title Thanks-civilizing because I'm creating (actually we are creating) a civilization full of appreciation & good deeds. Amidst those crazy things that are happening in this world of ours, we are still one with ourselves, our families & friends, our nature, & our God! Let's all spread the appreciation everyone- do thanks-civilizing! :)

I had a good week & the last set of Audit class for this year will be on tomorrow! Then it's Christmas break for me... booyeah! More songs are heading up to you this week! God bless & have a great weekend everyone!

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne :D

185th Song- Blue You

2009-12-15T10:43:00.013+08:00

Blue You

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Yellow lights of June

Walk thru cautious rules

Thought I’ve faced anew

Moved out of my tune

(Instrumental)

Then you came to save

Save me from my cage

Though I’m still surprised

Worthy is my fight

(Chorus)

Stopped me from falling apart

Convinced me & I fell in love

Over & over again

I lived like the tidal waves

You put me in a calmest sea

Never will I feign my love

Into the blue you

Haze of purple clouds

Surrounded me with doubts

Synchronizing time

This is not my life

(Repeat Chorus)

When you go away

I am here to stay

‘Till you come back to me

I’ll give what you would need

(Repeat Chorus 3x)

Per-FOUR-Mance

2009-12-14T19:10:00.006+08:00

Hello everyone! I really have a bad habit of not controlling my anger when you know you're doing something right & people are trying to tell you the opposite. It was supposedly a good Friday morning last week & someone just had to ruin it.

If I have to evaluate my performance this second semester, I have to say I have done well when it comes to contributing my part to our class' seminar & it's a thumbs up in my part when it comes to sitting infront of class in Course Audit as well.

I don't mind criticisms as well, in fact I like how people understand my actions- it makes me aware of my performance in terms of my academic excellence. What I don't like is criticizing me behind my back & sharing false criticisms about me to the people whom I don't even know.

When I think about it, I actually am serious about the seminar from day one since I heard about it. I did not complain (maybe a little) about being in charge of the documentation team, I actually acknowledge it since I like doing projects like that. I did not complain when I was chosen as one of the masters of the ceremony since it's a good experience to enhance my vocabulary skills. I didn't even say anything when conflicts arise, not that I don't care or I'm not part of it, but because I'm always neutral & respect every ideas that are being shared.

It's like I'm going beyond my part as well since I volunteered to make the certificate which isn't part of my job at all. It's like I'm receiving two times the work load even if I still have three minor subjects that I need to prioritize as well.

I don't complain when I'm being criticized that I'm having a bad performance into something I really don't exert effort from. It's okay since I don't do it good enough like they do, but false criticizing me even behind my back was way overboard.

I couldn't really stop from complaining, resulting to my lack of effort in studying for NCM prelim exam because of my mood that afternoon. This is the bad side of silently doing more effort than everyone else- I don't really need nor even care when my performance is being complimented, but complaining about it when everyone knows that I'm doing more than a good job is something I couldn't really just trifled with.

One lesson I learned from all these is that sometimes you have to make yourself be known by your actions even when God knows what you've really done. If respect or reputation is being affected from those false criticisms, I'm holding my peace cause it's actually stupid for me to fight over something that it wasn't true & those people that I love knows what I'm really doing. BUT if my grade is being affected from them, then I really have the right to speak up.

It's what you call E-FOUR-T, because it's four times the effort in my performance. God bless us & those people who have to learn the art of criticizing... or more in the art of appreciating as well. Have a happy start of the week!

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne :D

A Different December

2009-12-10T18:25:00.006+08:00

Hey everyone! I've been sensing some climate changes over the past few days. It has been a sweet warm November indeed, & now we're heading to a 'Christmas Celebration' here in Lefty's Journal! Amidst being absent here for weeks which you should forgive by the way lol.

Anyways... updates! I really can't comprehend why I've been having troubles with blog visits; I used to have visits like twenty people per day or more everyday, but now it's like my blog is drifting away. I don't know but the more I try to make my blog to be known, the more it is being ignored. Maybe this is just the transitional phase that my blog & I are going through. I don't know, but I'm sure a lot busy to know the answer.

Speaking of being busy, I've been having a lot of events lined up for tomorrow, the next week & the next year. There's preliminary exams tomorrow although I'm not quite sure if I could take the NCM exam since I don't have an exam permit yet & I'm still waiting for the money to arrive. I'm having troubles with money today, since I'm trying to save up to pay my debt from a friend while day dreaming about buying clothes from Zara, eating DQ almost everyday... obviously trying to compensate my school life from being materialistic this season.

At least I'm looking forward to my Christmas break next week! I'm really thirsting for a break since I got fluxing sleep deprived for the past few weeks because of my duties, which I'm thankful also cause I get to finally fill up my cases in no time. Next year I also get to finish being one of the master of the ceremonies in our seminar & I'm also looking forward to that. Graduation is also coming near, that's why I need to fix everything to prevent any tribulation that is school-related.

So I'm gonna be posting more songs up this week & will be celebrating the 500th post! Woot! It is indeed a Christmas Celebration! Don't stop 'till you get enough... God bless & take care everyone!

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne :D

184th Song- Forged

2009-11-28T18:17:00.010+08:00

Forged
Allan Aldrinne Leyva

You’re fading me out, fall me apart
Gave up in my love yet I succumbed
Cause when you are here
You’ve always turned still
I’m always the one who faced your fears

But I have confessed that I don’t protest
This is just all your test
If I have to die, you’ll soon realize
I’ve been the one who loved you most

(Chorus)
I don’t compare your love from me
But I know that you know my love’s far to reach
& inside your soul, I’ve almost touched you whole
But still you’re the one who writes me off
I couldn’t know if your love from me was forged

& I promise you that in my last breath
It’s you whom I tell brought the best of me
If you don’t recall what you’ve done for me
You gave me strength to grant my change

Yes I have confessed, my love isn’t dead
I’m maybe numb outside my realm
If I have to die, I just couldn’t hide
The fact that you were my light & life
(Repeat Chorus)

Every little bit of my strength & my soul
Are calling you, longing for you
Every little bit of compassion & more
Lingering here, trying to tell you
Love, please love me too
Even though mine was more
You’re the reason I survived
(Repeat Chorus)

Yes I know, it’s hard to believe, I don’t know, try to see
& I almost had it all, but then you have to be cold, pushed me away
I couldn’t know if your love from me was forged
Yes I couldn’t know if your love from me was forged

183rd Song- Find A Way

2009-11-28T18:10:00.012+08:00

Find A Way

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

It’s hard to find a word

That can prove my worth

Our love that I have constantly hurt

I always trust myself

Than to trust you then

We’ve been criticizing our faults

But then again

I listened to myself

Even if we fight

We’ll always do what is right

(Chorus)

We’ll find a way to keep the love

Burning in though we’re apart

Looking out between past & beyond

Find a way for you to stay

As forever’s on its way

Hold my heart I saved for you to take

We’ll find a way

You said you sacrificed

I said we’re just the same

Your defense was I don’t do enough

We expect too much

I asked you ‘what’s the rush?’

I let my love be out of touch

& then again, I’m talking to myself

From all the laughs & cries

We should never say goodbye

(Repeat Chorus)

If everything must fall apart

To remain our quiet love

I’d be here with you

‘Till we walk away

We’ll find a way

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

We’ll find a way

182nd Song- Beat Box Of Life

2009-11-28T18:07:00.008+08:00

Beat Box Of Life

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Come on, get masochistic

Lease your narcissism

Take your rage all over the place

Gush or rush rampaging

Alter ego’s breaking

Spotlight hits up on me

Dancing in the daylight

Never was out of sight

Need to cal the fire brigade

Can you get a picture

Of a man who’s sober?

But sticks to the original game

(Chorus)

Baby, come on

Dance on the floor

Never resist

The trance that were in

Kill all the lights

Flash in a smile

Slow down the ride

Listen tonight

To the beat box of life

Don’t have to give an effort

Everyone’s endangered

Survival needs appropriate games

Music fall like raindrops

Vibing like a radar

Global satellite on my door

Give me what I deserve

Party is work’s dessert

Heatness like a fever, I searched

Open all your senses

Leave your body restless

It’s the time where I should confess

(Repeat Chorus)

Baby come on

Fill up the bear

Look in my eyes

Feel all the signs

Baby come on

We can become

Two people as one

Love out of fun

(Instrumental)

Baby come on

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

181st Song- My Goal Is On Fire

2009-11-28T18:05:00.007+08:00

My Goal Is On Fire

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

There’s pain but I’m happy

No hope but I’m waiting

There’s you who truly loves me

Though we can’t be together

I’m wrong but I’m learning

To do, to do the right thing

Tonight, thought I’m broken

Dreams, love, will always remain

(Chorus)

I’m living my life

I’m falling in love

I’m aiming high

I’m learning to soar

Cause this is my life

Here I’m in charge

Thought I’d be blind

At least I’m alright

My goal is on fire

There’s rain & I’m celebrating

This test that’s getting easy

I just (I just) look in your eyes

Hold your hand, together we fly

(Repeat Chorus)

There’s pain but I’m happy

No hope but I’m waiting

There’s you who truly loves me

Though we can’t be together

(Repeat Chorus 3x)

Duty Gluttony

2009-11-27T18:02:00.006+08:00

So on Wednesday I had my first ever hospital duty for this last semester. We were assigned in the O.R. Area in Pasig City General Hospital from six o'clock in the morning upto ten o'clock in the evening. Talk about 16 hours of torture, & I just got well from my illness.

Anyways, it's okay that I get to spend two duties in one day, since I get to rest on the following day (which is today). At least I could have a chance to get one or two major & minor cases. & during my duty, I scrubbed in on a major & three minor surgeries. They took a major toll on me.

First, I agreed to scrub in on a Mesh Herniorrhaphy that turned out to be an Incision & Drainage procedure. Honestly, I kinda panicked at first since my last actual scrub on a surgery was like five months ago. It was a smooth procedure though & the surgeons are entertaining. After that we took our breakfast & rested for a while on the Recovery Room.

I scrubbed in on an Emergency Pelvic Laparoscopy after doing some patient monitoring. Since I don't have that many major cases, I agreed to sacrifice my energy standing there for hours until the final suture was completed. I felt so burned out after the procedure, but I stayed alert for our mini-lecture on Perioperative Nursing.

Then another procedure was up & our clinical instructor asked me if I could do another scrubbing again. I looked at my other dutymates & everyone did the same. I was so exhausted already, but for my PRC's sake, I still agreed to scrub in the third time. It was a minor procedure of wound exploration.

So my fuel is empty already & I seriously can't take it anymore. I really wanna go home & take a rest, but just before our clinical instructor felt it's time for us to go home, another procedure turned up & she asked me again if I could scrub in for the last time! Talk about bypassing every OR nurses there!

This time, I was really the actual scrub nurse beside the doctor there! Some of my dutymates went home already because it was past ten o'clock already. I practically memorized (not really) all the instruments, & there are moments when I already know what instrument the surgeon would use next. I was scrubbed out after the final counting was completed & I thanked the medical team there for the experience! I went home around twelve o'clock & went straight to bed!

Sometimes the world needs people, whether nurses or just simple people, who are versatile when it comes to doing what is right for you & for everyone. I think our simple sacrifices just like scrubbing in four times in a row can also make a big difference in other people's lives.

Anywho, I'm gonna be typing some new compositions & will post it here soon so stay tuned for more episodes of Allan's Anatomy! God bless & hope you're having a good week like I am. Thank you for all the visits & comments guys! I love you! (By the way, I practically look a lot like that guy above, Dr. McDreamy. Although I must say, I look better lol).

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne :D

Febrile

2009-11-24T17:11:00.006+08:00

Hey guys! I just thought of doing another post for this week. I feel so sick, literally & undeniably sick. The downside is not just being febrile itself, but the way I couldn't sleep or rest to alleviate my over-fatigued body & headache.

It started yesterday in school during our meeting for the seminar. I felt so weak & my hand tremors are so severe I couldn't focus on the agenda. I'm catching my breath it's as if I just ran a hundred miles. I couldn't convince myself that I lack hydration or the appetite cause I just finished eating an hour ago during our break. I was complaining & my classmate doesn't believed me. She thought it was just a scape goat so I could cut class. I still went to my remaining classes amidst the lack of energy. I went home dead-tired & slept all night.

I thought I'd get better after making up some sleep. Turned out I was wrong.

I felt even worse. My body isn't ready to face the world today but my mind reminded me of school. I couldn't take the day-off, it's like I'm being selfish on my ever-curious brain as well. I wasn't getting tough of my body too- after a shower I ate breakfast & took an anti-pyretic. My self-motivation gave me the assurance of my physical improvement. My left scapular pain worsened even more that I'm actually biting my lips while writing. The pain also radiated to my upper arm & to my neck with pain that can still be ignored. My tremors are going insane it's as if I'm doing it on purpose now. I'm so thirsty & my stomach's growling but I'm not feeling like eating nor drinking at all. My body was screaming for rest that it overthrew my driving force to stay at school & finish my classes.

My body wasn't the only one who feels sad. The sky was sympathizing with me. I didn't carry an umbrella or a raincoat with me but I still ventured out through the rain, hoping to find the nearest tricycle station. I ran a few more meters & got in &, while catching up my breath, told the driver to take me home.

I'm not cruel nor selfish especially to my body's needs. If it wants something, then I have to do something to satisfy it. Unfortunately, I couldn't even shut my eyes despite the will to get better & feel better.

It's not raining anymore, but the pain persisted. This is how love & sacrifice does to you. If you love what you're doing or you love someone, you would do impossible things to reach for a goal. It's like a form of sacrifice, with or without the confidence of what might happen tomorrow. Even when things go wrong, true love & devotion still remain unchanged, not even for a bit. It weighs more than anything your body wants to do.

Hopefully I could get better in no time. I actually must rest now. More new songs heading to LJ's way, everyone! I ask for your prayers, readers, that I might be able to return in my normal condition now. I wish you good luck on the rest of the week & of this year! May God bless us!

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne :D

Firsts & Lasts

2009-11-18T20:16:00.001+08:00

I feel like I've been missing in action for weeks now. No worries, I guess it's just all part of my blog brain barrier (lol to those who gets it) which hasn't been functioning since I moved out from Friendster blogs to Blogger, & talk about having no blog uniques now. Sheesh! But I still get that LJ is all about being written, not being read.

Anyways, if my hospital duty wasn't rescheduled next week, I'm pretty sure I'm going to transform myself into one of the Cullens again. On Monday, it's actually my first official school day in my last official semester being a nursing student. It's an awesome start of the week since I get to be with my old classmates again & I get to have a cool professor for my 105, but it sucks when you have so many minor subjects to attend to, & you end up so tired.

Don't get me wrong, I love Asian Civilization ever since we studied about it when I was in third year high school. Rizal & STS are cool subjects as well. However, I don't really have the strength to maintain my focus for a whole day. I have a good professor at Asian Civilization (he's also my professor at Rizal) but it's kind of a little bit boring as well.

I enjoyed my STS professor now, but the thing is, it's my second time to take that subject again. I took that subject in my former school & it's the only subject that I failed because I didn't get the chance to take its final examination. It just sucks because I actually have a good Preliminary & Midterm grade there, & my group & I there have a great research project, but my previous professor there didn't return my calls when I was fixing it back then. Thank goodness I get to talk with my new professor now & she understood my concerns regarding the subject. 'Ugh!' to my last set of minor subjects.

Anyways, I'm just happy everything is still intact amidst the tribulation I'm dealing with. I don't usually speak out some of my problems here but I thank God for every little things He's giving me, since it will all end to something big. Love, dreams & happiness is still my destination, & I think I'm getting there. By the way, God will always be my first & last. Hope you're having a good week as well.

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne :D

180th Song- Never Learn To Love Me

2009-11-14T10:41:00.002+08:00

Never Learn To Love Me

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

I try to push you away

& try forgetting your name

You know it’s better to leave me this way

At least the pain won’t stay

I don’t know what you have done

For me to switch on my heart

& it’s simple, all I need is your love

Was it so hard for you to give?

(Chorus)

I always think before I decide

But then again, my heart always fights

There’s no excuse from walking away

You’ll never learn to love me ‘nyway

I’m giving up, I’m giving up

To try to take your breathe away

& now we can’t last a day

I’m always scared to say

I think if you just drop me here

It’s like I’m facing all my fears

(Repeat Chorus)

Maybe I’m me

Hoping to what can’t be real

& maybe you know me

Tend to threaten to leave

(Repeat Chorus 3x)

(To try to take, to try to take your breath away)

Are you here to stay?

179th Song- 3D Love

2009-11-14T10:40:00.000+08:00

3D Love

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

& I keep on waiting, waiting for you to appear

Ask me your questions to where this love has been

The only response that I could make

It started when I just woke up one day

& when you look at me, I feel so free

(Chorus)

You always see what is good in me

Am I like you who so perfect in my fantasy?

I can feel

A change of heart

Whenever I wear my glasses

In this film

I appreciate more when you’re beside me

So don’t you go

It’s like livin’, I’m livin’, I’m living in a 3D love

Then I bought the tickets, it’s your turn to entertain me

I’m loving this movie, but you were the reason I’m here

Can’t even focus to what I’m watching

Just want to hold your hand than nothing

But then I had to make my move so soon

(Repeat Chorus)

I don’t even know what the name of the movie

I’m surprised when you talk about the way you feel

No, there’s no way, for you to fall for me

Look in my eyes, tell me it’s real

Let me just stop, & let our story begin

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

178th Song- Love Like Christmas

2009-11-14T10:38:00.000+08:00

I did try to write a Christmas song or love song once a year ago... I actually wonder where I put it. Anyways, I made this for two days & I'm really glad it's not about being a grinch on Christmas day. That reminds me, I have to save money for gifts now! Merry Christmas guys!

Love Like Christmas

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

I didn’t get much presents this year

Though I don’t expect for material things

All I ever need was someone beside

To hold my hand & keep me warm inside

I always wonder what Christmas was like

To be with you, it feels everything’s alright

& when I saw you on a cold night of December

It’s like I’m sure, a love is born

(Chorus)

I though I’ve wasted my life

Until I fell in love on Christmas time

I never needed a list

You were the gift that I’ve been waiting for

A special love like Christmas Day

I thought that I am on the naughty side again

I lose control but then I lift my hands

All of a sudden you’re there to make me strong

The only gift that lasts forever now

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

‘Till you come around me

It’s like I just noticed

You were the only one I can’t unwrap

Now I put up the decors

Write you a letter

Thank you for all the future memories

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

I bid the big world goodbye

I thought that if I have to go away

My mem’ries would stay

But then I see all the light

Shining above me

While the snowflakes fall

A special love like Christmas Day

177th Song- You're Making Me Happy

2009-11-13T20:11:00.000+08:00

You’re Making Me Happy

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Would you help me write a song?

A song that everyone would surely love (will surely love)

My inspiration wherever I go

Is the one who couldn’t see my flaws (Couldn’t see my flaws)

But then again I wonder

If you fell the same emotions

Thought I guess I could try to

Find a way for you to know

(Chorus)

You seldom talk & I don’t know why

But you would always fill up my mind

With colors I couldn’t really explain

But I’m contented to the way that it goes

Day by day I just fall apart when I fall in love

I couldn’t ask what you’re doing to me

If I did you’d stop making me happy

& it’s as if you’re my reliever from pain

I know I’m crazy but you would always make me sane

& when you look at me, I’m all serene

I guess it’s just the way you’ve managed to control what I fear

& yes I’ve always pondered

If ever you feel empowered

What should I keep telling you

For you to start hanging around

(Repeat Chorus)

I confess that for awhile

I couldn’t really speak out my mind

& everytime I fall apart

You’re always there to pick me up

& there are time I just couldn’t understand what love means

I’ll think about your future with me, & actually it makes me happy

(Instrumental)

(Repeat Chorus)

It’s simple but it makes me happy

Even when you don’t talk, I’ll always find a meaning to what you’re saying

Please don’t stop from making me so happy

You’re making me happy

176th Song- I Hate You But I Love You More

2009-11-13T20:09:00.002+08:00

I Hate You But I Love You More

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

I know you’re not too good

When it comes to figuring out

How much I’m loving you

& then they say I am just wasting time

I still hold on, believe that I am right

& all you have to do

Is try so hard to fall for me too

But then again my fears don’t hide the time

That I’ll pretend everything’s alright

(Chorus)

& I can’t take it anymore

Waiting for that call

They say that I am strong

Enough to hold on

But I’m just hanging on

& now you’re gone

I’d still wait for you knocking on the door

I hate you but I love you more

For you to see my heart was what I did

In time, I still believe you’ll return to me

Deny the lies I’m having from myself

In truth, I’m stuck to hold what isn’t real

(Repeat Chorus)

Please just come back home

Sorry for the conclusions I have thought

But I can’t undo my love for you

& it’s hard for me to let you go

(Repeat Chorus)

I hate you but I love you more

175th Song- Heart Said Hello

2009-11-13T20:08:00.000+08:00

Heart Said Hello

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Hello

It’s been awhile since we last talked

I know the places where you got to go

Ain’t it easy just for you to pick up the phone?

You got me crazy, can you hear the anger of my tone?

I know that you are sensitive in nature

I guess I’m tired to pretend you’re a stranger

The truth is that you couldn’t make you better

But then again, you’re making me lesser

(Chorus)

Hello!

Tell me if you’ll open your heart’s door

Hello!

What d’you think my efforts are there for?

Don’t try to hide it cause you act so obvious

There’s a scream leasing when you talk mature

I don’t forget you saying so far so good

Hello! Hello! I heard your heart said hello

Maybe you’re having troubles in deciding where to go

You’re ambivalent & I know you’re just putting on a show

I’m not some psycho who predicts your future

I’m not a stalker who re-tweets on your twitter

I’m not the one who always making the first move

But I ain’t backin’ up if you drop a memo

(Repeat Chorus)

Maybe I’m using my alter ego

But then again, I made you dance on the dance floor

Until the clock hits destination heart

I heard your heart said hello

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Hello!

Tell me if you’ll open your heart’s door

Hello!

What d’you think my efforts are there for?

Hello!

I know this love is more than alcohol

Hello!

Trust me, when you wake up, you’re not alone

174th Song- I'm Perfect & Imperfect (12th Album Title)

2009-11-13T20:05:00.000+08:00

I wrote this song after some epiphanies & realizations in a blog post sometime last month. Enjoy!

I’m Perfect & Imperfect

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

God invented light

To wash the dark goodbye

At first I thought I was right

But then I see my life

I know I’m not that perfect

But I know there’s no defects

But when I flash the light to my life

I found it’s all a lie

My heart is so cold

My age lines unfold

My face turned so old

& everyone knows

I looked back at the world

Where I’ve been before

I now realized

I’m imperfect after all

(Chorus)

& I believe I’ve lived a life

Things don’t go back all the time

Soon we just have to accept

I’m perfect by being imperfect

At first when I got out

In the end I’ll doubt

I compare myself to them

I thought I’m better then

But someone told me not

I realized I’m worst

But then again I wouldn’t change

What I cannot change

I’m priceless, I know

I don’t have to haul

This is my case

All my mistakes

But now I just thank

My God for the rain

I’m better to be

Imperfect after all

(Repeat Chorus)

Tell myself at least there’s Him

Who can see my everything

& He said that in His eyes

That I have been perfect all the time

So it’s alright

If I can find

What’s wrong in me

At least I’m me

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Tell yourself that you are

Made by God to live a part

Where you’ll be somebody’s love

& this one will tell you

You will always look

You will always look perfect to me

173rd Song- Perfect Goodbye

2009-11-12T19:00:00.001+08:00

Perfect Goodbye

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Today, I just realized

This thing is over, & I couldn’t ask why

& yet, I can’t find a perfect goodbye

I’ve thought that there would be life

I’d build cause I’ve seen all the signs

But then, I have to be broken again

(Chorus)

But what if I found a way to say

Goodbye to you?

Will you have some second thoughts for me to go?

& if I try to go away

& write you

I’m doing better here

I don’t know

I just need to find a perfect goodbye

& fate, must’ve been cruel

I know it’s over, but still it’s obscure

To say goodbye is the only cure

I couldn’t understand you

We love each other but for you it’s a ruse

& yet, I still want to be used

(Repeat Chorus)

(Instrumental)

Today I asked myself

What if I found a perfect goodbye

Would you even consider it?

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

172nd Song- How I Ignored You Then

2009-11-12T18:59:00.001+08:00

How I Ignored You Then

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

Here I go again

Why’d I have to force you by what my love has given?

First I see a spark

But in the end, it always fades away

& I’ve thought about our future

The life we’ll have together

The memory has to vanish as you have found another

(Chorus)

Maybe I have learned my lesson

On how to make conclusions

It’s only me who’ve hoped for even more

& maybe I must not remember

The thing that will forever

Break me apart cause I could not forget

How I ignored you then

In this quiet place

The only thing I want to feel was your big embrace

When I open my eyes

I see that you were only protecting yourself

The thing I can’t forget is

Your heart wasn’t the fastest

But it’s only me who I can blame cause it’s only me who’ve fallen

(Repeat Chorus)

The thing that kills, kills me the most

Is that I’m still expecting you

I couldn’t feel bad

It wouldn’t make you sad

But then again it would just go away

Are you happy now? Are you happy now?

Couldn’t close my eyes

Could you be a little sensitive?

Tell me how you really feel

(Repeat Chorus 2x)

Let me just turn back time again

& baby, I’ll bring the love today

You ignored me in the end

171st Song- A Heart Than Can

2009-11-12T18:58:00.001+08:00

A Heart That Can

Allan Aldrinne Leyva

To love by you is such a strong desire

Then again, I’d never hoped for it

The line has ended here, I’m not really surprised

Over the years, I’ve made a fight for it

Sometimes I talk too much, but I listened to your heart

Pardon me with my own silly art

At time I think again, wish that everything’s the same

Cause I couldn’t understand myself for now

(Chorus)

A heart that can understand love

A gesture so simple, it appreciates

Maybe in time, my love wouldn’t fade

A heart that can never be afraid

To love & be loved, a heart that would not start go away

You just spoke to me

With a beautiful angry voice

You asked me if I’m crazy ‘nough to fall

Simple words easily touch my soul & there ain’t no separation to go

I know I lack the standards

fgTo be the person you would make

The one whom you’d entrust your faith

But then I’ll try to see

The difference of you & me

& I just pray that we would always have a heart

(Repeat Chorus)

I know that you know

Our destiny would be so difficult

I’ll never let you go

There ain’t no fears behind these tears at all

Would you mark the presence of you as I go & have

(Repeat Chorus)

A heart that can love than hate

A heart that have a patience to wait

The heart that molds belief to fate

A love that would never fade away

To love & be loved

I wish it never goes away

Song Week

2009-11-11T19:28:00.001+08:00

Since school doesn't officially starts yet (for me), & I'm dedicated to finish two hundred songs & five hundred blog posts by the end of the year, & that I'm not really doing any blog posts lately, plus that I'm filled up with new songs to share (breathes lol)... I wanna start this middle of the week with a little focus on my compositions. I call this week... my very own Song Week!

I know I'm getting rusty when it comes to sharing some of my life here, plus I think I'm so far behind my 'Life or Something Like It' (now called as Avenir Parfait) stories especially my Meet the Newest Beatles Encore series & some Clothes Over Bros Fashion shows. I think you have to give me some time for those stories. Anywho!

So I'll let you guys know whenever I decide to update my life here. Since I'm still in the verge of ambivalence when it comes to making up my mind, I guess I have to post some of my songs here. I also got to learn how to play a keyboard or a piano to finally sing my songs infront of a camera & upload it on youtube or something... I still do not know. Help me out here?

Shaping in, shipping out, Aldrinne :D